Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

Work/life balance?

66 replies

DoYouLikePinaColadas · 17/12/2018 13:20

Posting for traffic. I need to sort this out I get an hour with DD at most of an evening, she's at nursery 10 hours a day at least. I'm the highest earner out of me and DH but after I've paid DD's nursery fees, I've got £400 left out of my wages (I get paid first and therefore just pay them once paid). Our income is considered middle ground but after childcare our outgoings are more than our income.

I'm missing DD's early years for the sake £400 a month of which I take travel out of too and it's starting to grind on me. We need to save to buy and move soon and I can't see it ever happening, I just imagine us all crammed in a one bedroom forever.

What can I do!?

OP posts:

ShotsFired · 19/12/2018 10:02

What does your husband do? He seems to be very keen to remind you of your responsibilities, but what is he doing to step up during this difficult time?

Girlsnightin · 19/12/2018 19:58

@RedSkyLastNight

OP said in her post she has 400 left out of her salary after paying childcare and the post is if it is worth it for the sacrifice. No mention of net family earnings.
Many women take all childcare costs out of their wage and then claim it's not worth them working. It's not true!

Original poster

DoYouLikePinaColadas · 19/12/2018 23:43

DH is in training which is short term in the grand scheme of things and should help in a year or so. Unfortunately due to this he has little spare time.

For me it's the combination of missing so much for very little but I guess I do have to look at the end result. Just out of curiosity, has anyone temporarily reduced their hours for months or a year or two with their employer? Perhaps with a fixed, agreed time frame?

To clarify, we pool our money for bills and living costs although our wages are paid into our own separate accounts. Before my pregnancy with DD, we used any left over money for ourselves but we don't have any at the moment. The only reason my wages pay DD's nursery and I see this at the moment is because of when I get paid. For example, if it's due on the 15th, I get paid on the 10th and therefore pay it when DH gets paid on the 25th. If it were working out against DH's salary, he goes to work for approximately £50 at the minute.

That £400 is not pocketed, I pay parking and fuel costs, bills, essentials for DD, etc.

OP posts:

Hohocabbage · 19/12/2018 23:50

Yes, to answer your question - very common in teaching to have flexible working for a fixed one year period - so dropping to 3 days (or 4 etc) for a fixed period of a year and then your job is kept for you.

happychange · 20/12/2018 01:17

But childcare is a shared expense, not just coming out of your income though? You should split it with your husband?

You have to think of it as an investment, if you are out of the workforce now, who knows when you will get back in. If you stick at it, you will have a chance at the promotion and getting paid more. It will get better.

Personally, I don't like the idea of being financially dependent on another person. God forbid anything happened, I want to be able to afford to live on my own (+DS of course)

happychange · 20/12/2018 01:22

Also re working flexibly, I reduced my hours down to 3 days a week (taking a 60% pay cut) but felt it was too hard to be productive at work. I've now increased it to 4 days a week.

My team are being very flexible and supportive of this, for which I'm very thankful.

GrabEmByThePatriarchy · 20/12/2018 08:12

I know of people who've made such a temporary agreement, yes. I would say it's worth investigating, as based on the information you've provided your 5th day is probably costing you money at least in the short term. It would make more financial sense for DH to be the one to do it but I guess if he's training there may not be the option?

imamearcat · 20/12/2018 08:17

Why don't you work PT for a bit, you could always go back to FT when your DD is a bit older.

Can your husband work more flexibly?

No point fixating on the mortgage and ruining your life!

NamedyChangedy · 20/12/2018 08:22

@Needadoughnut it sounds like you weren't saving any money for all those years, and spent it on cars and holidays instead - I'm not sure that's quite relevant to OP's situation.

Escolar · 20/12/2018 09:56

Hang in there OP. It feels like this will last forever, but things will be easier for you in a couple of years which really isn't that long in the grand scheme of things.

However I echo previous posters - would it be possible for you to do four long days and have a day off with DD?

bumblingbovine49 · 20/12/2018 10:08

I went back to work after DS was born (after 11 months maternity leave) at 3 days a week . It was always going to be for a year after which the company and i would reassess if it was working. It wasn't very well, great for home but not for work, so I went to 4 days when DS was 2 years old.

Could you ask for a 6 month trial of 4 days a week? Or even ask for 4.5 days a week, and translate that to having 1 day off a fortnight. If you DH could do something similar, one of you could be home for 1 day each week

bumblingbovine49 · 20/12/2018 10:09

Also - I recently had a 4.5 day a week contract and I worked my half day from home so that is an alternative, to 1 day off a fortnight but you do need to do the 4 hrs of work at home so need some childcare for those hours

lifetothefull · 20/12/2018 10:12

Has DH ever considered becoming SAHP temporarily or going part time? If you measured the nursery fees against his earnings, there would be even less take home!

If its you who wants to step back for a bit though, I don't think you should be frightened of not being able to get back into it. If you have the confidence, you will be able to. You could even end up with more in your pocket to save up if you find creative ways of earning. go back full time when you are ready to get mortgage.

ChocolateCoins567 · 20/12/2018 10:15

Can you work from home? Work longer days but fewer of them?

WhatsUpHun · 20/12/2018 10:16

You're doing your maths wrong.

You're not working for £400 you're working for long term financial stability and pension and the ability to take care of your family.

^^this

and you need to look at you and dh salary combined and then work out what is remaining

you are not paying her fees by yourself, its a family expense

Pollaidh · 20/12/2018 10:24

Have you checked whether either/both your and DH's employers offer childcare vouchers or their replacement, tax-free childcare? I think it's too late to get the (more advantageous) childcare vouchers, but you should be able to access tax-free childcare, which will bring down the costs quite a bit.

Personally I wouldn't suit being a sahp as I'm quite career driven. DH and are I both lucky in that though we work in high pressure jobs, we're both able to organise our time fairly flexibly (I work PT, from home often, and flexibly), and so share the school/nursery runs. We both work some strange hours in the early morning and late evening because have meetings across time zones. We also have a PT nanny, which we are fortunate to be able to afford. I've always loved my 1 day off with the DC, as I can use it to concentrate on the DC, and we try to do something nice and have a chat. If I was with them every day, well, holiday experience shows that I'd lose the plot pretty quickly!

I also agree that it's good security-wise, both in case of redundancy, so there's always a back-up salary, and also if you and DP ever split up. It's also quite hard to get back into your career once you've taken a career break.

Flip

1 2 3