To feel to old and frumpy to wear what I want... and I’m not even 30!

[BiscuitsMcSnugglepuff]

So, I have never been a fashionista... far from. And I’m not in great shape (which I’m working on), so I’m “curvy” with a large chest. But I find when I look in the mirror I just feel bleurg... Nothing fits right. Pretty much everything makes me feel like a frumpy blob.

However, there is one outfit that I put on and think I look somewhat reasonable and I love the combo on others - a simple skater dress, leggings, boots and long cardi - simple, mostly dark, little alternative, good for my shape and not too daring... yet when I wear it I feel too dressed up and look at my face and swear I look too old for it. But I’m only 27?!

AIBU to think that some people are just destined to be deeply unhappy in the way they look/dress? I always just seem to end up in a hoody and jeans!

I’ve been through this recently. I was always wearing the same sort of outfit and yawn. I’m youngish too but everything looked shit. So I went to the mall and tried on everything! Even stuff I never would have dreamed of wearing. You need to experiment. It’s easy to reach for the same hoody and jeans every day so step outside your comfort zone and try something new. And you’re never too old for any clothes. If you like the outfit and feel comfortable in it then wear it!

I find it helps to go out your comfort zone gently and buy or try on things you might not normally consider ‘your style’ - just to see what else is out there and help you mix things up a bit. You might surprise yourself with what you like and what feels good.

Maybe you could go to the shops with a friend and they could pick you out a few bits to try on for you?

I think it's just a lack of self-confidence. Sometimes I'll put something on but then think I can't wear it and revert back to my comfort zone of jeans and top.

Haha I don’t even know what my style is anymore anyway 😂 I was pretty fearless and funky in my teens but I hit 20 and that was that haha

I think a lot of it is confidence, which hopefully I will get more of as I lose weight... but it’s amazing just how crappy you can feel looking in the mirror sometimes!

I'm going to mirror what @Junkmail said. I'm under 30 too and I feel like such a frump. I've been experimenting with new looks and more than anything, it's my confidence to pull them off that's the problem, I get a lot of compliments!

It's just hard not to keep falling back into my 'safe outfits'.

I feel your pain. I simply can’t wear a dress and cardigan, the cardigan instantly makes me look about 10 years older, and frumpy. What about a well fitted denim or leather jacket with the skater dress and leggings?

I think at 30 I changed my style to a bit more grown up I was clueless also so booked the personal shopper service at debenhams to get some ideas. Helped a bit, but also have found ive become a lot more comfortable in my own skin in my 30s.

Try a personal shopper to get you out of your comfort zone. It is harder to look good when you’re big of bust and overweight (like me!) but you just need to find shapes that flatter. I always wear clothes with a well defined waist otherwise I find everything hangs off my boobs and makes me look twice the size I am. I also avoid bulky fabrics and high necklines because they just make me look stocky rather than curvy.

You are DEFINITELY not too old for a skater dress, leggings, boots and a cardigan. That is a flattering look that works for someone curvy. I am 44 and would wear that look. I wouldn’t wear it if it was too low cut with loads of cleavage showing personally but in terms of length, if you have thick leggings underneath then you can get away with it quite short. Don’t worry about looking too dressy, a cardigan makes it casual. Just go for it, leave your shyness at the door. Life is too short to be worrying if you look too dressed up or too old for a style, you have said it looks reasonable when you try it on at home so stop worrying. Also, you don’t need to stick to black, a nice print dress with plain leggings, plain cardigan and plain boots will also be flattering. Good luck.

Thank you for your responses! 😊

I have to say big boobs do seem to make it more difficult - in a H cup so it means a lot of clothes simply don’t fit over them anyway! But high neck has never been an option, it makes me look even worse.

As for the leather jacket.. I would love to be able to pull that off, but I’m not sure if it would not make me look more broad shouldered? Also I have a toddler so stuff that’s easy to throw in for wash is essential 😂

Perhaps I will have to try a personal shopper at some point, not sure I could afford it now granted but when Christmas has been and gone maybe - i would certainly be an interesting experiment 😂

And as a Pp said, it’s silly really because I do get compliments when wearing a dress but I still then end up back in jeans. Even worse... I hate jeans and find them so uncomfortable so why do I do it!

Wow that was quite long... sorry!

This was me a few years ago, about your age actually! I suddenly realised that all I ever wore to work was black trousers and a top combo.

To break out of it, I clocked a colleague at work, who was about my age, who I always thought looked nice, and well put together, and started to copy her.
For instance, if one day she wore a black and white dress, the next day, I'd do black and white as my colour scheme.

If one day she wore a pink shirt and gray trousers, the next day I was in a pink and gray combo.

For me, it took away the element of "having to think about it", and I let someone more stylish than me "guide" my choices! She never realised, and nor did anyone else.

To me the skater dress/leggings /cardi look is very dated. It's definitely not something I'd expect to see someone in their 20s or even 30s dressed in so personal shopper is probably a good idea if you feel a bit stuck in a rut. Maybe think of someone who you admire style wise then look for ideas on Pinterest around them?

I went through this at around 30. Decided I couldn't wear short skirts anymore because I was too old, even though my legs are far and away the best part of my figure. Now I'm 40 and wish I hadn't spent a decade not wearing clothes that look good on me so I wear whatever I want. You won't catch me strutting around in hot pants or sporting a micro-mini at work but I'll happily wear a short skirt with tights at the weekend.

If you have a style that suits you and you feel comfortable on, there's no need to change it if you don't want to.

Zingally - you sound like you were like I was at work! I’m a stay at home mum now with little one, but the number of black trousers I have stowed away is impressive! It was always black trousers, Carrie and some fairly dark coloured top... god forbid any colour 😂

And XiCi - I’m afraid I don’t actually admire anyone style wise... nor do I have Pinterest... I’ve never been big on fashion (or at all) even as a teen I was a goth/punk gamer type. You would probably have shuddered at my neon dreadlocks, biker boots and neon pink tartan mini dress with pins all over it 😂 then of course I could pull that off, but I haven’t done for near on ten years and I’ve spent that time in jeans and hoodies.. one extreme to the other! Though neither exactly on trend! But I’m not really worried about wether something is dated or not, more than I feel I look good and comfortable in it. And Witt my shape most stuff doesn’t fit (currently size 18, very big boobs, small waist and big hips) that’s why I think i feel better in skater dresses because they go in at the waist then hide the hips!

• cardie, not Carrie 😂

Don't wait to lose weight to wear things you like.

Hi op where are you based I’m a personal shopping and would love to help you regain your confidence with clothes. This time of year is manic for me but after Xmas would be perfect and don’t worry about cost, call it an late Christmas present as it’s been a long time since I worked with someone who just needs advise and a boost in confidence. The ladies I normally style are a lot older and just like the thought of saying they have a personal stylist

Sry I’m a personal shopper stupid autocorrect

37 here- and currently sporting a navy skater, leggings and ankle boots. Might wear a black or grey skater tomorrow.

You’re definitely not too old for it. It’s a standard Mum with a baby belly uniform tbh- rather than something the yoof wear out clubbing. That’s fine by me tho. I am a Mum with a tum. I’d rather wear something flattering and that appeals to my 90s vintage tastes than go out in something I hate.

biscuits I wouldn't have shuddered at all in fact it sounds like you looked amazing.

I went through this at 28 too (wonder if that's a random adulthood milestone?)
It sounds like we are completely different shapes so I can't really help with style (in the end DH styled me. He's good at it, he's my personal shopper )
It sounds like you have the figure to pull off what I wanted to wear... fitted dresses with big skirts or pencil skirts etc. I think those always look amazing on hourglass figures.

But with the general looks thing, I found that a decent self care routine really helped. A trim and a tidy up, moisturise, self tan, deep condition on the hair etc.

Krouse, that’s very generous of you! Though sadly I can’t imagine that we are likely to be all to local, we live in a small town and I don’t drive so shopping is reserved for weekends when hubby is home with his car and we have the inclination to go somewhere 😂

Saucy - that’s reassuring, I’m not alone! Though I still feel so dressy in it... which I know probably sounds stupid, I think that probably is a confidence thing 😔

Xi, thank you 😊 ah back when I have the confidence of youth! Helped that I was also quite a bit thinner then as well (though still curvy!) but something tells me I won’t be returning to that look - nowadays it would turn heads for all the wrong reasons! Ha

And the idea of my hubby being like a personal shopper to me actually made me laugh! If I’m bad with choosing what to wear, he’s worse... though if he had his way I wouldn’t be wearing much anyway 😂 at least he still thinks I’ve still got it...!

I’m 38, curvy 14/16 and with H cup chest. My day to day, lounge around, and night clothes are something like this:-

Leggings, vest top, hoodie (zip and no zip)
Yoga pants, vest top, hoodie (zip and no zip)
Skinny jeans, vest, jumper
Skinny jeans, t-shirt, cardigan
Boot cut jeans, jumper
Boot cut jeans, t-shirt
Skater dress, leggings, cardigan
Skinny trousers, smart top
Skinny trousers, smart jumper
Skater dress, tights

Coats:- parka, leather jacket, smart jacket- red, navy, black
Boots:- black, tan, brown knee highs, black, brown ankle boots (flat and small heel)
Shoes:- several pairs heels in different colours, black, cream, white ballet type shoes

And my clothes come from Karen Millen, Pink Victoria secret, NewLook, River Island, Michael Kors, George at ASDA, TESCO, TopShop, Abercrombie, Hollister.

So I buy my staple items like trousers, smart tops, skinny jeans etc from Karen Millen, then t-shirts from New Look, Top Shop, leggings, vest tops, hoodie from PINK, hoodies and jogging bottoms from Hollister and Abercrombie.
Jumpers- ASDA, TESCO, NewLook, River Island
Shoes and boots is a mixture of Karen Millen, River Island
Coats- Michael Kors, New Look, Karen Millen

But I know now what fits me properly from what places. It’s taken me years to figure it out. I don’t spend a huge amount in KM it’s normaly the sales I do (I can’t afford it other wise!) but I like to get things I know I can wear year after year.
I’m not a ‘keep up with the trends’ type,for example I’ve never owned one of those cold shoulder tops- I hate them! So I wear what I feel comfortable in. I know PINK is for teens, hey it fits me nice, so I don’t care what others say, and it’s only for in the house, when I do the school run in the car and so on.

But seriously it is hard to buy when you are big chested- tops up to your neck make your boobs look huge, if you were low cut people think you are showing them off, if a top is too tight it’s squashes your boobs so it looks like they go from your chin to belly button. You have to be careful that what ever you buy you can wear a good supporting bra, you can’t get something that you need to go bra less in , and so it goes on! Oh to be a 34C......,