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AIBU?

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Original poster

To report a teacher for having an affair with a 16 year old girl 25 years ago?

82 replies

jesusperezwept · 16/12/2018 21:36

The reason I ask is because said teacher is currently going through a misconduct hearing regarding inappropriate relations with another girl at a different school in the same decade as the "affair" at my school. This man is high up the food chain. I have no proof of the relationship, it was just common knowledge. Should I say something to the local council or say nothing?

OP posts:
Butchyrestingface · 16/12/2018 23:31

Totally normal 25 years ago. I don't think that makes it right but it was commonplace in my school.

25 years ago I was 15 and it would have been far from normal for a girl (or boy) in the year above me to be dating a teacher. Hmm

Not that I think there's much you can/should do here, OP. It's all rumour and hearsay.

Joey7t8 · 16/12/2018 23:33

I'd go to the police with that information

To tell them someone did something that would’ve been illegal today but not when they actually did it?

anniehm · 16/12/2018 23:34

Without evidence it's not appropriate to report. The only person who can report it is the person involved. Back then it wasn't unusual, as long as the young lady was 16 it was ignored.

BigBoringWedding · 16/12/2018 23:40

But what if you get in touch with her and she tells you that she was proud of what she did?

BikeRunSki · 16/12/2018 23:43

I left school 30 years ago. Big inner city comp. it was fairly commonplace for me teaching staff to be going out with 6th form girls. I know at lest 2 couples who got married, as far as I know still are.

HarrietSchulenberg · 17/12/2018 00:04

I’m not sure that 25 years ago having an affair with a 16 year old girl was a problem.
Yes, it was. It very much was. Maybe you're much younger than me,but I can assure you, it was very wrong. One of my teachers, then aged 23, went on a date with an 18 yo 6th form student and almost lost his job over it. He kept his job only because she was legally an adult and he didn't actually teach her.

OP, if you have evidence rather than hearsay then yes, report it.

HildaZelda · 17/12/2018 00:11

Have you thought about the lady in question at all here? She presumably will not want any of that brought up if it happened 25 years ago. If I was in her shoes and you went and reported a rumour that you had no actual evidence of, I would be absolutely furious with you.
Her life is her business and you need to mind yours.

noblegiraffe · 17/12/2018 00:52

Individual schools might have had staff codes of conduct but it wasn’t illegal.

Hi, is that the police? I’d like to report something that happened a quarter of a century ago that wasn’t actually a crime that I have no evidence of and can’t name the person involved.

CherryPavlova · 17/12/2018 01:05

I know someone who married a sixth form student about forty years ago. They’re married still. Why would you go out of your way to destroy someone’s life when you have no evidence?

PyongyangKipperbang · 17/12/2018 01:26

Totally normal 25 years ago.

Err....no it wasnt! Fucking hell, 25 years ago was only 1993! It wasnt considered ok when I was at school and I left 30 years ago. I know of someone who did this, local school but not mine, and he lost his job. He was mid 30's when they got together. They did end up married with kids but he never worked in teaching again as no one would employ him.

PyongyangKipperbang · 17/12/2018 01:27

I would contact the woman concerned in case she doesnt know that this case is ongoing then she can decide for herself. She is the only one who will be able to give any information to the police that has any bearing on what has allegedly happened, so leave it to her. Do it anonymously if needs be.

PyongyangKipperbang · 17/12/2018 01:29

Individual schools might have had staff codes of conduct but it wasn’t illegal.

Just because it wasnt illegal doesnt mean it wasnt abuse, which was illegal.

BoomBoomsCousin · 17/12/2018 01:37

Given what you know is an indication of a pattern and he's going through a misconduct hearing for a similar incident prior to the one you know of, it may well be the incident you know of would also be misconduct. Which means, possibly, it was less than consensual or it began before the girl's 16th birthday. Indications of a pattern a sign that the man is more predator who may have caused a lot more harm. It isn't trivial. It was abusive, it may or may not have been illegal or worthy of professional censure - that's not for you to decide.

However, your reluctance to reopen the incident for the woman is problematic. I don't think you have any way to have it considered by the misconduct hearing without bringing his other victim into the fray, though. If you think this is something she should have control over then get in touch with her. If you think protecting the teaching profession is more important, give all the information you have to those conducting the inquiry and let them get in touch with her. I'd probably do the latter, but either is reasonable. I don't think doing nothing is very ethical.

PyongyangKipperbang · 17/12/2018 01:57

BoomBoom makes a very good point. If they know that there may have been another incident then it gives them another avenue of enquiry. They can contact the woman involved and she can then decide whether to be involved.

TheStoic · 17/12/2018 02:06

Have you listened to The Teacher's Pet podcast, and the associating reporting around Chris and Paul Dawson, OP? It's an Australian case, but it has similarities to your situation.

It has brought to light a whole culture of teachers preying on students in Sydney, and it is now finally being investigated. Some former teachers will be looking over their shoulders for the rest of their lives now.

Can you talk to anyone in the Education Department (or your equivalent) to see what they think?

As for redandyellow, jesus christ. You've got some fucked up thinking there. Do you have teenaged daughters?

Soso7789 · 17/12/2018 02:23

Yes report it to the police and let them investigate. Do not approach the woman directly. She then has a choice

JennyOnAPlate · 17/12/2018 07:22

I don't see any harm in reporting it, but I'm not sure anyone will care. The younger male teachers at my secondary school were well known for shagging their way around the sixth formers. The girls were over the age of consent so it was fine Hmm this was mid-late nineties.

TomPinch · 17/12/2018 08:11

@BoomBoomsCousin

Given what you know is an indication of a pattern and he's going through a misconduct hearing for a similar incident prior to the one you know of

This.

It may not have been illegal at the time but it could be very relevant context for whatever is currently being investigated.

hanahsaunt · 17/12/2018 10:45

What is the result of the misconduct hearing or are you assuming guilty as charged?

ShalomJackie · 17/12/2018 11:03

You say you don't want to contact the girl in question because it won't be fair on her.

You do realise if you were to report the allegation she will them be contacted by the police? Do you think that is fairer?

ChocolateStash · 17/12/2018 11:16

I have no proof of the relationship, it was just common knowledge

It was a rumour. I was often the subject of gossip as a teenager but none of it was true. You should not treat gossip as fact. It is the woman's decision if she wants to report him.

I don't have evidence and although I could get in touch with the girl, now woman, that he had the affair with, I don't think it would be fair on her.

Why would you contact a woman and ask her if gossip about her (which you are treating as fact) from 25 years ago was true? She will think you are off your rocker.

nokidshere · 17/12/2018 11:29

Many years ago when I was 16 there was some gossip that I was pregnant by some older man. I was in care at the time and when my period came I had to show the used pads to an adult every day to "prove" I wasn't.

I didn't have a boyfriend and I didn't have sex until I was 24.

You cannot report something that was a rumour, or common knowledge, because that doesn't make it true. It's absolutely none of your business and I would question your motives. If you really feel you should do something (and you really shouldn't) email the girl in question and let her know that he is being investigated. Then butt out. It's not your story to tell.

KingsScorn · 17/12/2018 11:45

It did used to be far more common 25 years ago - although not normal or approved. If she was over 16 and consenting then, at the time, no criminal offence was committed.

The Sexual Offences Act 2003 made it an offence for a person over 18 in a position of trust to have a sexual relationship with a child under 18, regardless of whether the relationship is consensual and even if the person does not teach the child. Prior to that act, the age of consent – 16 – was the only issue (although I think there may also have been changes in 2001).

Due to the above, and the fact that is gossip/rumour then I wouldn't say or do anything.

CoughLaughFart · 17/12/2018 11:59

I don't have evidence and although I could get in touch with the girl, now woman, that he had the affair with, I don't think it would be fair on her.

But what do you think will happen if you report it? If you refuse to name the woman, nothing happens - there’s nothing to investigate. If you do name the woman, the first thing they’ll do is contact her. Are you really worried about being fair to her, or is it more that you don’t want her to know it was you who brought it up?

I’m not saying you shouldn’t report this if you’re genuinely concerned. But do it with your eyes open to the fact that 1) There’s no possible way to keep this woman’s name out of it, 2) You have zero evidence - just gossip and 3) It may prove irrelevant from a legal perspective, if not a moral one.

Dungeondragon15 · 17/12/2018 12:12

It wasn't illegal 25 years so what is the point in reporting?! That fact that it is illegal now is irrelevant. It happened quite a bit in the 80s but although it may have been a sacking offence it still a bit late to report.

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