MIL CAR SEAT

[loopyredangel]

My MIL wants to buy a car seat to take my almost 2 year old son out, but I am more than a bit concerned, she and her hubby are not the most confident drivers on the road, and I hope this doesn't come across as ageist, and I know I am not as I have elderly grandparents, but one is over 65 and the other is over 75, Iknow their reactions aren't what they used to be! She never takes him out anyway, and I think she doesn't want to be left out because her friend has a car seat and takes her grandchildren out. At the moment I just don't trust anyone else to drive him around, I lost cousins in a car accident a few years ago. Am I being unreasonable? How can I tell her without hurting her feelings?

My MIL tries to get involved a little too much for my liking and treats DH like a small child which annoys the hell out of me BUT she has done an awful lot to help us out in the past (mostly financially), DD (18mths) loves her and DH enjoys being pampered by her which is ok by me at the moment as i'm concentrating on being 34 weeks pregnant! However, regarding the car seat topic, i'm afraid I do have an issue with her taking DD out and avoid it if at all possible. When DD was 5mths old MIL had her for a couple of hours and then drove her back to our house. When she arrived we discovered that not only had she not strapped the car seat into the car (so it was sitting loose on the back seat) but she also hadn't strapped DD into the seat so she was completely unsecured for a 12 mile journey. The reason for this? DD had fallen asleep in the seat whilst it was in the house and MIL hadn't wanted to disturb her by "messing about with the straps". I was horrified and have never quite gotten over it, although i'm certain she'd never do it again as DH had words (didn't trust myself to say anything at the time).

Yes pooka I know, but don't you think some people go overboard with christenings these days, inviting people that don't count, the church will be in his life and he will grow up in that community via school also, but to just invite people that he won't see again - to me is meaningless and just an excuse to come to a do!
Oh my god boo, I understand your concerns totally, my DS is a little bugger at the moment for the car seat, he fights to get in it, and when he screams like mad until he gets his arms out.

I feel for you about the driving. I am actually quite uncomfortable about my mother driving my DS but I think that's because I am a member of the IAM and have taken my advanced test and so know how to drive reasonably well (and even I get things wrong sometimes!).

If they aren't very confident drivers could you suggest (somehow) they might like to do a 'drive check' with the IAM. All the information can be found here on the IAM's website.

The mental image of MIL braking hard and DD flying straight through the rear window stayed with me for a long time.... I'm not religious and neither is DH really so we decided not to have a christening now but wait until DD is old enough to decide if she wants one herself. Otherwise i'd feel uncomfortable about it. This has caused some raised eyebrows from the older generation of DH's family!!!

Do you know boo that's a good idea - letting them choose when they are older, Ithink sometimes we do things just to please our parents and grandparents.
Good idea pigeon, how do I mention that one to them?!?!?!?!

car seat thing - just say - there is no need to buy one - yuo can borrow ours if need be. Then of course there never is any need.

i think for the sake of your blood pressure you may have to ease off on mil - get your dh to handle all contact - make sure she calls him etc if she pisses you off. tbh - i think she sounds lovely - my mil never bothers with birthdays etc so it is the other extreme!!

How about doing it yourself and then you can say 'I found it useful, why don't you do it!' And you might find it useful... Alternatively, as you're pg, why don't you say that you'd like to do it, but why don't they do it first and see what it's like, then it gets you out of doing it if you don't want to

Hi loopyredangel, i know exactly how you are feeling re the driving. No my mil in 25 odd years of driving hasn't ever had an accident, but that doesn't mean she isn't a terrible driver. Everytime I get in the car with her she scares the hell out of me and anyone else who happens to be driving nearby.

Reversing down the dual carridgeway because you missed your turn off anyone?

I have so far not had to let her take DD out in the car because she has bucket type seats in the back and the seat doesn't fit right but I don't think I will get away from it forever. I would worry like anything if she took DD out in the car, so no advice but my sympathies are with you.

She is also very much "into" every aspect of our lives (holidays, finances, child rearing etc) in fact I caught her sifting through my paperwork when I came home one day early, it is just mils unfortunatly. Although best of luck!!!!!

If you are uncomfortable then you have every right to say no.
I don't even let MIL pick them up as babies. Well she can't anyway. She is very feeble and shakey(alcy), and she picked up DD2 at a few weeks old, late in the afternoon whe n normally quite slurry. I went ballistic at DH, he was like, it's fine. I said, yeah until it isn't.

I think it's ok to be a bit over protective with things like htis. And it's not just their driving but others on the road. If they aren't confident then they will hesitate etc.

Say no, if you want to. You don't have to give a reason if you don't want to, just say no.

My PIL constantly talked to us about how they had been given a car seat so now they could drive DS about, and DP told them we weren't happy for anyone else to drive him yet (he was 1year when this started, 15months now). They constantly offered to pick us up, drive us about etc anyway, but it wasn't needed and easily avoided. But one day they babysat him while i had an interview, and they had told DP they intended to take him to a park which is 45mins walk from their house, and i said i bet they're planning on using the car. DP said no, they know not to. So when i got there i had to ask a few questions (oh that park's a long walk away etc) until i discovered surprise surprise they were planning to drive. I had taken the pram round and set it up for them, and i just had to say i'm sorry but we don't want anyone else to drive him at the moment, it's nothing personal but we don't feel comfortable when one of us isn't in the car too. My MIL did a huge disappointed face but i had to say something or i would have been so worried. But as DP said ignore them , it's our baby and what we say goes which is true. They are grandparents, not parents and it is up to them to respect your rules. Grandparents cn bend the rules over chocolate and treats but i think this is a bigger issue. It's not like not being able to drive your grandchild about affects your relationship with them in anyway at all. And a couple of weeks ago FIL gave DP and DS a 5 minute lift and almost crashed because he was turned right around in his seat talking to the baby in the back. I think the point has been made but if you're not used to having children in the car they are incredibly distracting. Hope everything gets sorted out sorry for the huge post! Just remember your rules and your baby's safety are most important.