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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who is being unreasonable me or DH ( generous gift )

34 replies

Happygolucky25 · 16/12/2018 18:32

This is quite long and will try not to drop feed.
We recently attended a party with my DD( 5)
It was organised for children in palliative care / life threatening illnesses.
There was a few sportsman there / gold medalists who were very nice.
One in particular took a shine to my DD now I never discussed with him what was wrong with her and know he didn’t previously know as he asked me if she was one of the sick ones or a sibling ( he wasn’t the best with words ) he did also hug me a lot ha
Anyway lateen in he gave her an extra present and said to the nurse I know we should have favourites but she is mine.
Then anyway he dissapeared for a while.
When he returned he asked me for a minute and took me in to another room and have been me a card. It wasn’t until after I realised it was a voucher for 100 pound.
So anyway on the way home a friend had messaged me saying he had publicly wrote a post on his social media about DD with a picture of them both.
She had shared this and then he messaged her giving her his details to pass on to me if we ever needed anything.
He then started following my Twitter and retweeting all my posts.
He then messaged me asking if me and daughter ever wanted to go to a football match.

So anyway I think he may just over friendly haha
My DH either thinks this isn’t about DD and he took a liking to me ( daughter didn’t really speak to him tbh wasn’t like she took to him )
Or that it’s slightly creepy why he chose one child out of a whole bunch. ( my daughter isn’t obviously disabled and probably looked considerably healthy composted to others ) so he said he wouldn’t of been due to sympathy.
I think his being over cautious and a bit jealous 😂🤣

OP posts:
Original poster
Happygolucky25 · 16/12/2018 18:33
  • later on
OP posts:
WhenISnappedAndFarted · 16/12/2018 18:39

Was your DH invited to this football match too? Was your DH there at the party as well? He does seem to be left out of it.

My DP works with a lot of sportsmen, footballers in particular and they don't often do things like this unless it gives them good publicity but they do always involve the whole family.

I'm on the fence with this a bit but I can see why your DH is feeling a bit put out.

Original poster
Happygolucky25 · 16/12/2018 18:43

So he isn’t a footballer but works closely with a certain team. I admit I was a bit confused but the way he kinda just chose my DD.
The reciept of voucher showed that he must have left to go but it as it was during party time.

OP posts:
Original poster
Happygolucky25 · 16/12/2018 18:43

He was not invited to the match no ( which I did politely decline )

OP posts:
category12 · 16/12/2018 18:45

I'd be a bit anxious about it, tbh - it seems inappropriate and creepy to me.

Unicornandbows · 16/12/2018 18:46

I don't think i would read that deep into it, some are just nice people. If he obviously starts flirting and asking you out then you know..

Original poster
Happygolucky25 · 16/12/2018 18:47

Yes I mean I was confused but haven’t really read much in to it as I highly doubt we will ever cross paths again.
To add salt to the wound his google searches aren’t the cleanest ( think crook gone good and successful )
Which is fairly public info.
I have suggested that i at least just say Thankyou to the voucher and then cut off contact ?

OP posts:
CheshireChat · 16/12/2018 18:47

If he only invited your DD and you then yeah, it's not ok.

Alpacanorange · 16/12/2018 18:48

Sometimes we choose favorites due to a past experience, maybe your dd reminded him of someone in some way.
However you dh is right to feel left out since he is also a parent to your dd who is apparently the reason for his generousity.

WhatsUpHun · 16/12/2018 18:48

that is a little weird...

BoebePhuffay · 16/12/2018 18:50

Definitely innapropriate, possibly creepy.

Chloe84 · 16/12/2018 18:50

he did also hug me a lot ha

So anyway I think he may just over friendly haha

You do seem to be enjoying the attention.

What's your AIBU?

Shouldn't presents be shared between all kids in the unit?

Original poster
Happygolucky25 · 16/12/2018 18:50

his Not her dad but my partner I think I was just shocked at his reaction to it as although I was confused I just assumed DD had made an impression and felt more guilty about her being the only one there who got s voucher so ordered lots of books for the wards instead.

OP posts:
Original poster
Happygolucky25 · 16/12/2018 18:51

The voucher has been spent ( sorry cross posted ) on books for all.
Actually I don’t really like being touched so defo didn’t enjoy the hugs was just trying to portray what happened so didn’t drip feed.
He just seems really peeved off about the whole thing and I think his being a bit unreasonable as I didn’t do anything wrong.

OP posts:
Snowwontbelong · 16/12/2018 18:51

Maybe your dd struck a chord with him for some reason? Why not look at the good in him and accept the voucher in good faith?

CheshireChat · 16/12/2018 18:52

I think it's less strange he has a favourite, ultimately it happens.

The thing about leaving your DH out is not on.

No need to block him or anything, but if he makes any invites he needs to extend them your husband.

SmokingGun · 16/12/2018 18:53

As awful as this sounds, is your DD particularity photogenic? It’s seems like he wanted to do the big charity show of generosity but maybe didn’t want to get involved with one of the poor kids who look unwell or are visably disabled?

Original poster
Happygolucky25 · 16/12/2018 18:54

Yes I did decline the invite politely.
However as I work really hard to raise awareness of children with less well known illnesses / disabilities.
He had asked if there was anything we ever needed to ask. I though he would be a good person to have help with that.
This is a firm no from DH.

OP posts:
Gazelda · 16/12/2018 18:57

I definitely wouldn't encourage further contact with him. He sounds overly interested in either you or your DD. I can see why your dh is suspicious of the guy's motivation.

CheshireChat · 16/12/2018 18:57

TBF he might be a generous individual and fancy you.

I wouldn't worry too much as you said you're unlikely to have to deal with him too often so it's hardly likely to become an actual issue.

Original poster
Happygolucky25 · 16/12/2018 18:57

Smoking gun so interestingly you say that DD is ridiculously photogenic ( no idea where she gets it from as I literally am the opposite ) but from past experience this tends to the reason why she is not normally a child you would see on leaflets to promote illnesses etc or for famous people to get their praise because there is no sign of her being unwell - sounds bad but it’s the truth.

OP posts:
Original poster
Happygolucky25 · 16/12/2018 18:59

Thankyou maybe I was struggling to see it from his side and just thought he was reading too much in to everything.
It’s help to see that other people may have seen it his way.

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AJPTaylor · 16/12/2018 18:59

I would chill out.
If you are involved in fundraising hang on to details for asking for prizes and stuff
Thank him for the voucher and let him know you have put it to good use.

Petalflowers · 16/12/2018 19:01

I would have thought it was just a kind gesture from him. Maybe a publicity stunt with the photo, or just tweeting what he had done that day.maybe the following/ retweeting was a friendly gesture also.

I probably wouldn’tnhave Read anything into it.

Is your husband usually the jealous type ?

Original poster
Happygolucky25 · 16/12/2018 19:04

Petal I don’t think he usually has a chance to be jealous I’m in doors most of the time or in hospital.

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