To move in 4 days later than dh

[hotstepper4]

Think I just need a reality check..

I have anxiety and sensory issues which are mainly noise related, I have tinnitus, I don't like noise and it really sparks me, if I hear loud music or a dog barking or baby screaming etc I will sometimes have a panic attack, it's horrible.

We were living quite happily in our house until Sept when a lady with 2 dogs moved in, and they barked loads, hours at a time and sometimes during the night. She would sometimes play loud music too. It was my worst nightmare and I nearly had a breakdown so we gave up the house, we hadn't much money so we've been living with my dad and stepmother which has been awful, no one has any privacy and its been very unsettling for the dc.

We've just rented a new house. There's a dog next door too. There wasn't meant to be, but apparently the tenant there has one secretly. The landlord is aware and the tenant has been asked to rehome the dog, though I don't know if they will.

My nerves are just gone though. I'm terrified of the new place, I've got myself convinced that the new neighbours dog will bark or they will play music. I've asked dh to move in 5 days before me, to get the lay of the land if it were, so that if the neighbours are noisy I'll know before I get there. I know this makes no sense. My dm says I'm insane.

Aibu? I should just go at the same time as dh and dc. This anxiety is crippling me 😔

Why aren’t you sorting out your anxiety? It’s insane that you’re moving house because your neighbour has a dog. It must be so so awful for you and I’m not trying to minimise that at all but constantly moving and unsettling your DCs is not the way to deal with this.

I moved because the last neighbour had 2 dogs that barked for about 8 hrs of the day. It was extreme and has amped my anxiety terribly.
The new neighbour has one dog who might be a sweetie for all I know. I've just convinced myself it will be the same thing. 😔

That's just insane... Yes anybody would be struggling with 8 hrs a day barking,, but people don't just pack up to their parents and have breakdowns over it..

You need to seek help to deal with your anxiety

Are you just going to keep moving house every time a neighbour moves in with a dog?

The normal reaction to the barking dog (which I would hate BTW) is to report the noise issue. You need help with the underlying issues.

You need to learn how to manage your anxiety because right now you are allowing it to not only control your life but the lives of everyone around you. I know intimately how awful anxiety is but you CAN manage it. Right now you have anxiety worrying about having anxiety. You are caught in a vicious circle. Anxiety and panic attacks are not something to fear because they will not hurt you. Learn to allow the anxiety in instead of constantly trying to avoid or fight it. You will lose every time when you try to run from It.

A dog barking all day is excessive noise and not typical of most houses with pets. However the reality of life is unless you live somewhere very remote, chances are you will hear your neighbors sometimes -other people’s noise is part of life.

Rather than doing your best to avoid the noise I do think you need to seek help for your anxiety. We all get stressed and anxious but if it’s affecfing your life this way you need to take steps to help ❤️

Look, you’re either going to have to move to the moon, or find a psychologist.

Your mental issues sound really debilitating, and are bound to impact your relationships and your finances if they continue at this level.

There really is help for you out there, don’t stop until you find it.

Next door has two dogs. Hardly ever hear them. It was ages until I realised they had dogs after they moved in.

Are you going to just keep moving every time you get anxious? That's avoiding dealing with the problem, avoidance maintains anxiety.

Thanks for the responses. I think I feel extra worried this time because I know I can't move again. This move has caused my dh and dc so much stress and our finances too. I cannot do this to them again.

I have long thought that I might actually have some sensory problems in addition to anxiety. I hear noises no one else hears. A ticking clock drives me insane, that sort of thing. We took the dc to a firework show in November and the combination of the lights and noise was almost intolerable to me. Is this treated in the same way as anxiety?

Worth a chat to the GP. Have you heard of misphonia? I hadn’t until it was discussed on here. Certain sounds really wind me up!

Have you ever been assessed for autism? You sound so much like me.

Wolfiefan I have heard of it, but I didn't think I had it as people who have it seem to find the sound of others eating in tolerable and that is not me, however I do know that my reactions to noise are certainly not normal, I have not always been this way. I was perfectly normal until 5 years ago when I woke up with my ears ringing, completely out of the blue, and they have never stopped since.

Have you considered autism? Sensory issues and anxiety often go hand in hand with it, as well as black and white thinking and logic that escapes other people.

I'm waiting for assessment btw so I'm not just pulling the theory out of my arse.

Max, no I haven't but its interesting you say that as my brother has Asbergers and I know it can be in families

You very well may have sensory issues as well as anxiety and I don't know if they are treated in the same way. I DO know that it is YOUR responsibility to learn how to cope and find proper treatment. The toll this is taking on your family is massive, and eventually, something's got to give. Perhaps your first step could be to get some noise cancelling headphones whilst you seek treatment as well as learning coping mechanisms. The bottom line is that you have to stop being a victim to your anxiety and take control. Recovery is 100% possible.

Ah cross posts. You should ask for an ENT referral.

Have you sought advice over the ringing ears? Is it tinnitus? That’s so hard to cope with.
I don’t think misphonia is just eating noises. Certain sounds grate for me but not all.

Or both! But ask soon as they both take ages.

@hotstepper4 it does. I've got similar noise and other sensory sensitivities but it's not just the noise, it's my complete inability to keep a sense of perspective on it. We've also had to do a couple of moves because I freaked out at neighbour noise. We are now in a detached house but I appreciate that's not an option for everyone.

Could you buy some ear defenders to use at home in case of loud noises? I think you should try and over come your anxiety, but if it's actually a sensory issue it might be harder to manage! A pair of ear defenders would be a good back up and stop you getting into a panic if and when you do hear the dog barking, and give you a chance to think clearly while you try and manage your emotions!

Thanks.

I have had much medical support over the tinnitus, I went through a really bad divorce and apparently emotional pain can be a trigger.

Ear defenders etc are not really an option for me as without background noise all I hear is tinnitus which is awful.

My dm wants me to do CBT. Anyone have experience of this? Can it help with a noise phobia?

OP I’ve been where you are right now, mine was anxiety and OCD.
I was scared to leave the house and scared to be in it due to these things I had built up to be absolutely huge issues in my mind (not that yours are in your mind but I hope you know what I mean!)
The chances are your new house will be completely different from the old one and the dog (living in secret so probably won’t be anywhere near as noisy or noisy at all) won’t bother you.
I think you should get some councilling or whatever to help with the anxiety, you don’t have to live with this x

OP I did CBT, 6 sessions and then 12. (On the NHS) I found it to be life changing and really the push I needed to help myself. My issues were not sensory though (so cannot comment on whether it would help) but it would definitely help with the anxiety. I can’t imagine it doing harm if that makes sence.