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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To consider moving my child to another school after his first term?

42 replies

coffeenwine · 15/12/2018 20:40

My child is just about to complete his first term at school and has bonded with, basically, the boisterous boys. His teacher called me in to say that I need to encourage him to make friends with (her words) ‘children of his own intellect from nicer families’. I founs out that he’s being left out of so many birthdays and the parents at school seem to be totally cold to us family now. We are new to the area and it feels like we have been judged and found wanting. What would you do?

OP posts:
MyDcAreMarvel · 15/12/2018 20:41

Stop being a snob for a start.

Hoppinggreen · 15/12/2018 20:43

No, the teacher really didn’t say that

Oopsusernamealreadytaken · 15/12/2018 20:43

Teacher would never in a million years say something like that Confused

brizzledrizzle · 15/12/2018 20:44

His teacher called me in to say that I need to encourage him to make friends with (her words) ‘children of his own intellect from nicer families’

I refuse to believe that any teacher worth her/his salt would say that, especially with those 'exact' words.

Original poster
coffeenwine · 15/12/2018 20:44

PS I may be being totally paranoid and overreacting. But wondered if anyone else has had this?

OP posts:
AGHHHH · 15/12/2018 20:44
Hmm

If this isn't bullshit then stop being so stuck up and tll the teacher to get her head out of her arse.

How do you know the same won't happen again? Your efforts to manipulate and control your son's social circle would all be for nothing.

I wouldn't disrupt him anymore that it sounds like he has been. As you say you're new to the area.

If they are the ones he wants to make friends with then what's the problem? He can go to their birthday's. Unless they're so naughty he's going to end up leading a life of crime... But you just say they're boisterous. Unless there's more to it.

Original poster
coffeenwine · 15/12/2018 20:45

Um... yes she did. I was surprised too

OP posts:
AGHHHH · 15/12/2018 20:45

I also don't believe a teacher would say something like that BTW.

brizzledrizzle · 15/12/2018 20:45

I'm sure many of us have come across parents who are snobbish and think that their child is somewhat better than all the others, yes.

Beamur · 15/12/2018 20:45

Primary school? Seems a bit odd for a teacher to say that. I wouldn't move your child that quickly either unless they were unhappy.

RatRolyPoly · 15/12/2018 20:46

I have no idea what the issue is. Your ds has friends, but is being left out of parties of kids he isn't friends with, although presumably he's going to parties of kids he IS friends with. His teacher thinks he's too clever and his family too "nice" for the boys he currently plays with, and other parents think you lot are scrubbers cos your kid plays with the other scrubbers, is that right?

I reckon you're having a laugh.

Normandy144 · 15/12/2018 20:47

I think it's a little early to consider this. To be honest this is his first term. Those kids with birthdays during the autumn term, from my experience either invite the whole class or invite kids they already know (from pre-school, neighbourhood friends etc), so i think you might be reading too much into this.
Make it your new years resolution to be friend the other parents and arrange some playdates. It really is such early days.

ChesterGreySideboard · 15/12/2018 20:47

How old is he?

Also, I am very surprised that the teacher said that.

SnuggyBuggy · 15/12/2018 20:48

Surely a teacher wouldn't use those words

ILoveDolly · 15/12/2018 20:48

Don't these boys also have parents, birthdays etc? As for the cold shoulder I think that's your imagination. Most parents don't know what goes on in school or who plays with who. Try to make your own friends amongst the mothers so you could widen his friendship group outside school if necessary. Maybe join him to an outside of school club so he isn't always stuck with the same naughty boys.

booellesmum · 15/12/2018 20:48

I would leave him at the school.
You can't move your child every time he develops a friendship you don't agree with.
What you can do is have a nightly bedtime chat with him about his day. Talk to him about what is right and wrong. Talk to him about standing up for himself. Teach him not to be a follower. Tell him you know his friends are sometimes naughty but you know he is good and you trust him to behave and do the right thing.
Parents cannot pick their kids friends, but they can give them the tools to pick wisely for themselves and stand up to peer pressure.

Maryann1975 · 15/12/2018 20:50

You really can’t choose your child’s friends once they are at school and mixing with peers away from you. It’s unfortunate if they are friends with disruptive children, but im not sure you can do a lot about it. If you move him, he is likely to pick similar qualities in friends at his new school. These might be the kind of children he likes to be with, for what ever reason. Maybe he is a bit boisterous too, maybe he thinks the boisterousness is funny? You could try to get him mixing with the other children through extra curricular activities in the hope he is swayed, but that may or may not work and the boisterous boys might be there anyway, so you’d be back at square one.

peachgreen · 15/12/2018 20:52

Teacher would get fired for saying something like that.

Original poster
coffeenwine · 15/12/2018 20:53

Yes, to say again, the teacher did say that.
I guess I have been really worried about my son fitting in as I was bullied at school for about 10 years, so it’s really important to me that he fits in. Thanks, Normandy144, thats a super helpful comment. I’m going to go with me being paranoid (which wasnt helped by being called into school about his frienship group). Thanks all - even the sarky fuckers out there

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Original poster
coffeenwine · 15/12/2018 20:55

Brilliant comments :-) thanks all!!

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ForAMinuteThere · 15/12/2018 21:09

This >> Parents cannot pick their kids friends, but they can give them the tools to pick wisely for themselves and stand up to peer pressure.

He will change his friends group, if he's only in reception. Do as pp says above. If he's a good kid and they are all being 'rowdy' he will find his own way and move away from them naturally.

Awful for a teacher to say that and I'd never trust her again...

My kids are friends with kids from 'rough' families who are the nicest, most polite kids.

helpmum2003 · 15/12/2018 21:12

If he's happy at school I would keep him there.

I would try to influence his friendship group by playdates etc .

If the problem continued at Easter I would consider moving....

magoria · 15/12/2018 21:14

It is absolute shit being moved after the first term. My parents did this at both school stages.

Everyone has already started to form friendship groups and it is really hard to make friends.

AnoukSpirit · 15/12/2018 21:15

Come off it, teachers aren't gods. They are fallible humans. Some of them can say and do idiotic things.

Just like in any other field or profession.

BertrandRussell · 15/12/2018 21:20

I wouldn't want my child in a school with a teacher like that.