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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To consider moving my child to another school after his first term?

42 replies

coffeenwine · 15/12/2018 20:40

My child is just about to complete his first term at school and has bonded with, basically, the boisterous boys. His teacher called me in to say that I need to encourage him to make friends with (her words) ‘children of his own intellect from nicer families’. I founs out that he’s being left out of so many birthdays and the parents at school seem to be totally cold to us family now. We are new to the area and it feels like we have been judged and found wanting. What would you do?

OP posts:

cardifcannonball · 15/12/2018 21:25

It wasn't quite that bad, but our reception teacher said something similar to me when my DC was in reception. I was quite shocked! Friendships shifted and they found their place in the end. It was fine.

agnurse · 15/12/2018 21:30

If he's becoming friends with the "boisterous" boys, I wonder if it's possible that he is bullying some of the other children. That may be why he's not invited to birthday parties. Have you spoken to the teacher about his behaviour in class? Has he been causing problems?

Original poster

coffeenwine · 15/12/2018 21:43

I am also worried about that. She han’t said anything... my biggest fear my child either being bullied or being the bully... both equally horrible. No, haven’t been called in for that

OP posts:

MrsBobDylan · 15/12/2018 21:44

At reception the parties are a whole class affair - I have never known it otherwise.

Also, your son has fitted in and made friends, albeit with children who aren't his intellectual match and are from 'not nice' families.

Your problem with being shunned by other families might be because you have an unpleasant approach to little children and believe you are superior.

GetHappy · 15/12/2018 21:47

Are you or the teacher Katie Hopkins??

Are any of these boys called Tyler......

recklessruby · 15/12/2018 21:48

Friendships do and will change. Reception is such early days.
As someone who has gone through the teenage years I can assure you your dc will always have certain friends you consider unsuitable.
The answer isn't to move away every time it happens (tempting though a fresh start seems) but to make sure your ds knows right from wrong and encourage him to stand up for himself and not to led by others.
Good luck. School friendships are a minefield.
Also older dc = the more you openly dislike their friends, the more they will stick to that person!

ExFury · 15/12/2018 21:54

If the teacher said that then I’d move him. Not because of the children, but I wouldn’t want my child taught by someone with that attitude - all school staff have kids they don’t gel with or even like, but parents should never know - if that’s what she’s saying openly then fuck knows how she’s actually treating the kids she deems lesser.

ShinyTooth · 15/12/2018 21:54

I'd be concerned that a teacher would be that unprofessional.

That would raise wider concerns about the school, not what the other kids were like.

Original poster

coffeenwine · 15/12/2018 22:04

GetHappy- yes, I’m Katie Hopkins and the teacher is my secret lover

OP posts:

Original poster

coffeenwine · 15/12/2018 22:32

ExFury- I actually had another teacher have a word with me in the yard just by having a chat with her. I’ve moved from a city to a village, so I just have assumed that’s how things operate here. Miss and love the anonymity of the city, but had to move here for my husbands work

OP posts:

NerrSnerr · 15/12/2018 23:28

He can't have missed out that many birthdays- it's only been a couple of months. How many birthdays has he missed in the first term?

ExFury · 15/12/2018 23:31

What did the other teacher say?

If there are multiple teachers openly liking down their noses at pupils who’ve been in the school for one term then move him.

If you’re picking up right then that school has a very ugly atmosphere. I wouldn’t be chancing my child around that ethos.

ExFury · 15/12/2018 23:34

And it’s not how villages work in my experience (nearly 20 years in multiple schools). Some, and I do mean some, village schools are bitchier in the staff room because of the close proximity and knowing more about families, but mostlyfhe village schools I worked in were nicer atmosphere wise. And I’ve never worked in a school where more than one teacher openly made comments like that. Even school staff who may think that don’t say it.

DotForShort · 15/12/2018 23:41

I would move him to another school to get away from a teacher who has such a ridiculous and snobbish attitude. Nothing wrong with boisterous children. Amazingly, they can be as intelligent and as nice as any other children. Fancy that.

FishFingersAndCustard11 · 15/12/2018 23:48

How do you know everyone's hostility is because your son is hanging around with 'boisterous' boys. They could all be very antisocial or it's one of them places where everyone keeps to themselves mainly and it isn't such a tight-knit small community that you're perhaps used to.

If the teacher really did say that, I would have told her I have no interest in making my child befriend another group of children because she doesn't feel they are suitable enough for my ds. Unless his friends are leading him into a life of crime (like another pp quoted), there is no reason to interfere.

Amazonian27 · 15/12/2018 23:52

DS’s primary school teacher openly referred to DS and one or two others in his class as one of her ‘better behaved boys’ to the class and she also used this phrase about him to ourselves at his parents evening.

Amazonian27 · 15/12/2018 23:52

I wouldn’t move him yet OP

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