To think close friends husband fat shamed me?

[Livelaughlovetoday]

After a lunch on the go with my friend, her DH and our children. Friends DH wanted to go and get somr dessert for himself and wanted to take the kids with him into the shop to choose something sweet too. I asked for a chocolate bar and proceeded to give my child 20 quid. Friends DH then tells me I don’t need a chocolate! To which I respond that I would like one. So he then reminds me what I’ve just had for lunch. (A few of my children’s chips). So I point out that he had just eaten a pizza! I thought he was joking and laughed. Off they go and when they return him and the kids are munching on their sweets and dessert and there’s nothing for me!

I was so taken aback! My DS came and sat by me and offered to share (even though I never said anything).

Except I don’t know if I’m being over sensitive? Feel like I need to say something to him. WWYD?

I think the other posts are only relevant in that they show a pattern of someone letting others behave badly, which is what OP seems to be trying to work on.

The weird thing about this one is what did you do when the guy came back? just said nothing? Why didn't you say anything like hey, have you got mine? or could you pass me mine please?

What did your friend say? I think it's rude.

I grew up in an explosive divided family that fell out with each other over minor issues. As a child I took it upon myself to KEEP the peace. Self taught to not rock the boat and cause offense to others.

As an adult I have put so much pressure on myself to do right. To be good.
So within hours of my children being born, letting everyone near and dear to me know from me about their arrival.
Don’t need help from others. Except at times we all need help. But when I do ask for help I feel so indebted to anyone who helps me. I am sure to reciprocate and make sure I know they know I value and appreciate their help.
Don’t ask others for help financially. So financially I worked extremely hard to be financially secure from a young age with no support from parents. Because I learnt money and friendships end badly. Except I saw a family member(s) who told me about their dire situation(s) and 1 of them has avoided me and keeps making awful decisions and despite I am the youngest by 5 years minimum - I’m the one my family members rely on. So Yes I posted about a few situations because I know I can be oversensitive. But I’ve also learnt I don’t have to keep the peace. I can call people out on their behaviour with me when necessary and other times adjust my expectations (with regards to my friend who never let me know about her newborn baby for 3 days). Because I put so much pressure on myself for so long... to not hurt others. Except I have learnt I can’t control everything and I don’t want to. I have to trust if I’ve upset loved ones they will reach out to me. I do use mn to vent but also as a gage of what’s “normal” not “ideal”.

———-

With regards to my friends husband I ran into my friends DH in the local supermarket. Immediately I joked that I was buying the chocolate I never got after lunch. He looked a bit sheepish. I asked him if he forgot or was being a dick? He laughed. So I said I think he must have forgotten because even my DH knows he can’t control my sweet tooth. He said he was trying to “help” me, so I politely told him I don’t need his “help”. He said fair enough and offered to buy me a chocolate to wish I laughed and then accepted his offer with a jibe that he could use the change I never got. So I chose the biggest chocolate I could find and off I went.

I feel like the issue is settled and I feel better not just sucking this up and letting it go for the sake of my friend.

So thanks for your advice mn.

To be fair it must have been a fucking big chocolate bar for £20. I don't think I could have resisted saying something either.

Did the OP say ‘Here’s twenty quid; make sure you spend every penny on chocolate’? She just gave her own child some cash.

Did the OP say ‘Here’s twenty quid; make sure you spend every penny on chocolate’? She just gave her own child some cash.

Then why mention the amount if it wasn't relevant to the amount of chocolate? If it had been 'i gave some money to my child' - I'd have thought of a twix at maximum. By mentioning an exact mount it's implied that £20 was required for the chocolate purchase - ergo it must have been a fuck load of it and thus I can only conclude the OP was planning on an excessive amount of cocoa consumption.

hang on, he didn't even return any change from the £20 which just paid for your son's chocolate/desert? why did you not mention the lack of change at the time? surely you'd be expecting £15+ back?

I worked with someone who liked nothing better than to police other people's food intake. I kept my mouth shut for YEARS.
Then one day, whilst going through the crappiest time of my life, I walked to the shop on my lunch and bought 2 family size packs of wine gums ( to take in the car on a family holiday). I put them on my desk and food police immediately pipes up " Ihope your not thinking of eating any of those" with a tinkly little laugh. So I opened BOTH packs and rammed them into my mouth as quickly as I could. Very childish. Was worth it so see the look on the vinegar faced cows face

Did you get the change back from the £20, OP?

She said in the OP that the money was given to her child, not the fat shamer. And I presume none of it was spent because that £20 as intended for the OPs bar only - and I'm still racking my brains as to what gargantuan piece of chocolate that might be. I suppose there is a chance it was an extremely high quality boutique bar - that is certainly a possibility.

In the follow up she mentions "using the change i never got".

DS gave the money to friends DH. He must have used it to buy 7 treats earlier plus my BIG box of Godiva (mainly to make a point).

He’s a bit of an odd ball isn’t he? I could imagine dictating to an adult what they can and cannot eat no matter how fat they were.

*couldnt

Lol.

Some people have fat phobias and he is one of them.

I would dare any stranger or even my DH to police what I eat. It wouldn’t go down well.
OP, you should start being more confrontational. It pays in a long run. Doesn’t mean you need to scream or be hysterical, calmly stand up for yourself and fight your corner. Nobody else will do it for you.

Are you very overweight OP?

Are you very ugly?
How much do you earn?
When did you last have sex?
Do you think the OP’s weight is anyone else’s business?
Do you think anyone has the right to tell someone what they can eat?

OP what he said and did was horrible,

I would avoid him, he sounds rude.

Oblomov18 I think it is really great how you have managed to get your condition under control enough to live life as usual.and not let it deter or stop ur every day life and having fun doing what you want.
that great.many have "fear" and cant.well done you :D

It sounds as though you handled the situation very well!

I’m about 200lbs and I am about over 6ft all so don’t think I’m very overweight but I was anorexic years ago and I’m definitely healthier now.

I got my chocolates!! More importantly I’m glad I didn’t let it go.

If that ever happens again I’ll be quick on the money and tackle that person to the ground 😂

Your combined height and weight probably freak him out, some men are weird about big (not necessarily overweight but big) women. They’re probably the same wags who literally pick up women who are very short because LOL!!!! they’re so tiny!!!!!