Not to buy husband and his girlfriend a Christmas present

[Klobuchar]

It didn’t occur to me to buy them anything until DD said “what are you getting for Dad and XX”? and now I am wondering whether they have got me something and if I should at least get something as a stand-by in case they have.

It’s all rather amicable, the kids seem to like her well enough and I don’t want to cause any problems where there aren’t any but I’m not sure buying them a gift is what I really want to do, tbh

We don’t “hang out” as such but we have had the odd cup of tea and a chat when doing child-related stuff and tbh I wanted to meet her when her and H got their place together and I knew kids would be spending time with her. She seems alright and DCs like her but we’re not friends.

The kids’ main residence is here with me and they have their own bedrooms at their Dad’s place but as they are teenagers and their dad lives within walking distance of here, they come and go, we have no formal custody arrangements and it’s all worked out fine so far. We are in contact a lot about who is doing what and where the kids are etc.

Your Dd may have been asking you to get ideas about what she could get.

If the only reason you’re giving it any thought is because you think your DD might know that they’ve got you something, i’d just ask her.

Bottle of wine and a card seems like a good compromise. Not personal and gifts, but shows goodwill towards your co-parent(s).

Bottle of wine, only for if you get a surprise gift, otherwise they will reciprocate next year and it could go on and on.

And that's why honestly I wouldn't set a gift aside at all. There's no reason for them to buy you a gift, and no reason to think you'd have one ready for them. Maybe his GF is the type of person who buys everyone in her life, however peripheral, gifts. My ex MIL used to fuss over what she was going to buy her local paperboy and newsagent...

I think I’m your shoes I’d buy some chocolates and a bottle of wine you like, wrap them up and keep them stashed. So if your exh and gf has got you anything you can grab those and gift them, so you don’t look tight. But if they haven’t got you anything, come January you can unwrap them and have a lovely evening eating chocolates and drinking wine

Thanks all. “Good will” is exactly the right term for it. Things are ok between everyone now. H is a good dad and he has been a decent ex-partner to me. I’m not saying he should have a pat on the back for that, that’s the way things should be of course, but it’s all cordial now and I would like it to stay that way. I’m not quite the “all I want is for you to be happy and if that is with someone else then so be it” kind, but I’m indifferent to his relationship. I won’t be Matron of Honour at their wedding (if and when they have one) or anything but it’s ok.