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Original poster

Not to buy husband and his girlfriend a Christmas present

56 replies

Klobuchar · 14/12/2018 14:48

It didn’t occur to me to buy them anything until DD said “what are you getting for Dad and XX”? and now I am wondering whether they have got me something and if I should at least get something as a stand-by in case they have.

It’s all rather amicable, the kids seem to like her well enough and I don’t want to cause any problems where there aren’t any but I’m not sure buying them a gift is what I really want to do, tbh

OP posts:
Ayogo · 14/12/2018 15:39

I’m happy with telling the kids that I won’t be getting them anything as it’s not what people do when they’ve split up. I don’t think it would be an issue for them.

Good, that's what I'd do!

However, as DD has mentioned it, it got me wondering if H and GF have got me something

Even if they have, they'll then see you didn't, and next year hopefully won't bother. If you do it now in anticipatory reciprocation, then you're setting yourself up to have to do it forevermore!

MeredithGrey1 · 14/12/2018 15:47

If you’re worried, perhaps when your kids see their dad over Christmas you could send them with some food (tin of nice biscuits, box of chocolates or similar)? They can hand them over (I wouldn’t bother wrapping them) saying “this is from mum” and while it’s technically a gift, something like that would probably be shared amongst the four of them and it would feel less like “I got my ex and his gf a Christmas present” and more like you just sent your kids with some nice food in a general spirit of Christmas?

Petalflowers · 14/12/2018 15:49

Keep it simple. Bulk standard bottle,of wine and box,of chocolates..

DaffoDeffo · 14/12/2018 15:54

I buy exh's gf a present. She buys me one. Exh buys nothing for me and I buy nothing for him. Seems to work for us.

DaffoDeffo · 14/12/2018 15:55

she's got much better taste than him too, get a much better standard present from her than I ever did married to him ;)

DeepanKrispanEven · 14/12/2018 16:05

Has your ex ever got you a present since you split up? Was his girlfriend around last Christmas?

CynthiaRothrock · 14/12/2018 16:09

I would just get a bix if bisçits/chocs and have them on standby just incase. If you dont give them then more for you. But i was always told you dont give to receive i am happy to hand over a prezzie and not get anything in return. I have also been gifted something and not reciprocated.

EmeraldShamrock · 14/12/2018 16:11

As the DC are teens and already bought gifts, No I wouldn't buy then.
Totally different if the DC were younger.

JudasPrudy · 14/12/2018 16:12

Bottle of wine, if they don't give you anything just drink it yourself.

kaitlinktm · 14/12/2018 16:15

Bag of sprouts? Grin

MrsJayy · 14/12/2018 16:17

If they get you somethi g from them and not theteens then that is a bit odd you are not friends nor family so why bother just tell your Dd that

PyongyangKipperbang · 14/12/2018 16:19

Yeah, I would get a bottle of wine and keep it in a bag just in case. Then you can always drink it yourself if they havent. I tend to do this over Xmas anyway, just in case I forgotten someone or I get a surprise present I wasnt expecting.

Vampiratequeen · 14/12/2018 16:27

Get them a box of chocolates or some biscuits. You have got them a token something then and not an actual present. You don't want to start with the whole present buying thing, but it is nice to give something.

PinkHeart5914 · 14/12/2018 16:31

If you co parent well together I see nothing wrong with a box of chocolates, I imagine some exes when they share dc do still buy for each other.

ReanimatedSGB · 14/12/2018 16:36

I'd also be inclined to get something nice to eat or drink. No need to go nuts but one of those tins of Celebrations for about £2.99 would probably hit the spot (unless you know that one/.both of them doesn't eat chocolate). It's season-of-goodwill-ish but not too much faff.

Original poster
Klobuchar · 14/12/2018 16:37

I called him “husband” for ease of explanation on here. We’re not divorced and we haven’t started the legal stuff yet but we are very much separated and the marriage is over. I don’t consider him my partner any more (other than for parenting).

His girlfriend was around last year but they hadn’t moved in together at that point and they didnt spend Christmas together, she went back to her family and he spent it with his (and DCs). This year they will together at his parents’ house. The kids will be joining them there after present opening and in time for lunch and I will see H and GF at some point on Christmas Eve and on the day.

I think a bottle of wine on stand-by “to have with lunch” is probably the best idea

OP posts:
diddl · 14/12/2018 16:40

Did you & him exchange presents last year?

If not I'm not sure why you would this year.

Original poster
Klobuchar · 14/12/2018 16:45

We didn’t exchange presents last year and it hadn’t even crossed my mind to do so this year until DD mentioned it

OP posts:
ScreamingValenta · 14/12/2018 16:49

Agree with the standby wine idea. Put it in an unlabelled gift bag and nothing's wasted if you don't need it.

kateandme · 14/12/2018 16:50

some biscuits or something.big tub of chocs.
or just ask her.why wouldn't nyou ask her if they have got you something.

kateandme · 14/12/2018 16:52

did they not get presents las tyear because it was still a bit new/raw.
Id ask your dd.i wouldn't want mum to be caught short so would happily anwer if mum asked me

CowesTwo · 14/12/2018 16:58

It would never occur to me to buy a present for my ex and his girlfriend, unless you are all good friends, hanging out etc.

HollowTalk · 14/12/2018 16:58

I don't think there's anyone in the world who buys a present for their husband and his girlfriend! And if the children live with you most of the time and he buys you a present, I'd take it as a present for doing most of the donkey work for a year.

Original poster
Klobuchar · 14/12/2018 17:01

I meant H and I didn’t exchange presents last year, the kids did with him.

DCs have coped amazingly well with the separation and his new relationship. Obviously there was initial shock and upset but they adapted brilliantly and it feels pretty normal to them now. I’m aware that on some level they will still be upset and to an extent traumatised by it all so I don’t really want to pick at that particular scab over Christmas. If that means buying a bottle of wine or some chocolates for H and GF then so be it.

I will talk to DD about it, frame it as though I am asking her advice on the matter

OP posts:
diddl · 14/12/2018 17:02

Can't you just ask your daughter or them if you get on well enough?

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