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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to just feel bluerghhh about no one offering to come today

30 replies

Alwaysbekind2014 · 14/12/2018 06:45

My DD is due in to hospital today for a procedure ( albeit in the grand scheme of her life not major )
This will be her 28th time under general anesthetic so not something we are new to but to me every time feels the same now.
Her dad hasn’t messaged mine you I’m not sure why that suprise me and I know absolutely no will message ( my mum and sister etc ) to see if she is ok this evening.
They do love her but I feel because she has a serious chronic condition people just think it’s our normal. I have sooken to this about it but nothing seems to change.
My mum does visit if we are in ( she works in the hospital haha )
sisyer very local and tbh most of the time barely messages to see if she is ok.
( she will visit maybe once a fortnight in hospital )
But is great when she is home and doing well.
My friends no longer visit when we are in.
There is no more offers of do you need anything bought up or a hot meal !
( we were in hospital for 20 months straight ) and mutiple admissions since.
I just feel like it’s become so normal to everyone but me.

OP posts:
Original poster
Alwaysbekind2014 · 14/12/2018 06:46

Ahh sorry about the typos... I have had 0 hours sleep !

OP posts:
ALemonyPea · 14/12/2018 06:48

I'd be feeling crap as well. Hopefully they realise and text today. Hope her operation goes well and she's out soon 💐

PurpleDaisies · 14/12/2018 06:49

that sounds so tough. Flowers

You’re probably right-it has become normal to other people that your DD is in hospital. Could you let a few close friends or family know how hard you’re finding it and ask for some support? You shouldn’t have to but people often get caught up in their own lives.

Chocolateandcarbs · 14/12/2018 06:50

I wish that I could fix this for you. All I can suggest is talking to your family about how you feel and I wish you and your daughter the very best of luck today. Fingers crossed for a straightforward procedure and a quick recovery. Your family will be in my thoughts today x.

PurpleDaisies · 14/12/2018 06:51

Should have said, good everything goes well today.

Original poster
Alwaysbekind2014 · 14/12/2018 06:52

Purple daisies that exactly it and it’s not their fault at all.
It’s almost just like for instance my sister had a baby who was healthy and well then daughter a infection that left them in hospital for a week. Everyone would rally around because it’s what they do but when it’s a child who suffers all the time it just becomes a routine and less and less people show.
I don’t think I have 1 original friend from when DD was born because we time when on they just disappeared.

OP posts:
stopfuckingshoutingatme · 14/12/2018 06:54

OP bless you

Maybe you need to kick up more
Of a stink . Just day this is hard and i appreciate what you do . But it’s hard and I need a wee bit more

My friend uses Facebook a lot (3 DC with Chronic) and I can see why as the little messages do boost her FlowersFlowers

wonkylegs · 14/12/2018 07:06

I'm sorry, chronic conditions are tough and people including family do tail off with support. They get bored, they get distracted by their own lives. It's the centre of your life and you can't ignore it but they get overtaken by the rest of their shit.
I've had a serious chronic condition for 20years and many people I know including family almost forget unless I pointedly say something.
For example I am going to hospital today to start a treatment which is the last chance before having to go on a regular hospital based treatment rather than a home based one and not one person has offered any support bar my DH and even then I had to spell out the consequences and how scared I was.
It's shit but you either need to be blatant and demand support or learn to cope without it.

Original poster
Alwaysbekind2014 · 14/12/2018 07:09

I know I just suppose because her dad is as useless as a chocolate tea pot it just gets really lonely and I’m dreading yet again sitting in a room by myself waiting for her to come back from theatre.

OP posts:
idontknowwhattosay · 14/12/2018 07:16

I camt understamd how your friends and family are so unbelievably rubbish!!
Which area are yiu in? If you're near me id visit.

Christmastreeohchritmastree · 14/12/2018 07:23

If you were anywhere near me op I would come and say hi etc. I also have a child with a chronic illness and I know how you feel. I think friends just roll their eyes when I say DC has been rushed to hospital. Doesn't help at all! I hope all goes well today. You'll be in my thoughts

MadameJosephine · 14/12/2018 07:31

Bless you, that really sucks. I’m so sorry your friends and family have not been supportive. Your DD is very lucky to have you Flowers

flapjackfairy · 14/12/2018 07:38

Sending support too. I get it as my youngest has complex needs and is in and out on a regular basis. My husband stays home with the others and I spend lots of time alone on wards etc.
Are there any mum friends with children in a similar position? They get it and even if they can't visit they can offer online or telephone support. Are there any support groups locally you can access? I have made a lovely friend on here who I chat to and even in the wee small hours there are people to connect with on here which has got me through many a long, boring night.
Thinking of you and your daughter today . Hope all goes well. X

Oddsocksandmeatballs · 14/12/2018 07:40

Sadly your experience is one that sounds very familiar, I have worked with children who have complex needs for many years and every family tells exactly the same story. I hope all goes well for your daughter today and your wait is a swift one Flowers.

BumblebeeBum · 14/12/2018 08:01

Sending support, hope all goes well today and recovery is quick.

EmeraldShamrock · 14/12/2018 08:05

Yanbu. I hope it all goes ok today, I am sorry you and your DD have to go through it with all the operations. Flowers
Good luck x

ReanimatedSGB · 14/12/2018 08:08

I'm sorry you are having a tough time and I hope all goes well. Unfortunately, it simply isn't possible for a lot of people to keep on and on giving support: they have their own troubles to deal with and, if it isn't life-threatening, they tend to assume that all will be well.

loubluee · 14/12/2018 08:14

I don’t have any advice but just want to wish you and your little girl the best of luck, and I hope you have a lovely Christmas X

CurlyWurlyTwirly · 14/12/2018 08:18

Hope all goes well today. As pp said; people just get caught up in their own lives. People do respond to FB status. If you want to share and admit you are feeling vulnerable, you may be surprised at the support you get. It doesn’t hurt to try. Hugs for you & your daughter [ flowers]

Bishalisha · 14/12/2018 08:21

I hope your DDs op goes well today, wishing her a speedy recovery Flowers

I’m sorry your family aren’t checking in Sad

ChocolateTearDrops · 14/12/2018 08:33

Hope your dd makes a swift recovery am thinking of you both. CakeFlowers

Original poster
Alwaysbekind2014 · 14/12/2018 08:36

Reanimated and I get that but my daughter is 5 the last time my “ best friend “ visited her in hospital was her 1st birthday 🙈🤣

OP posts:
LoniceraJaponica · 14/12/2018 08:48

That sounds tough. I haven't walked in your shoes, but tiptoed behind them when DD was little. The local children's hospital was our second home for the first 4 years and DD had many procedures under general anaesthetic.

I hope today goes well for you Flowers

Bungleinthejungle · 14/12/2018 09:33

Sometimes it's as simple as just saying, 'thinking of you and dd, hope everything goes well' and that can make all the difference.

Maybe it does begin more tricky to regularly turn up at the hospital when other life events get in the way. But every now and then should be possible.

Having said that, do you let people know when it's happening, via FB or text because sometimes I forget things are happening in other people's lives when I was told about it in advance?

Thinking of you and your DD OP Flowers

Piffle11 · 14/12/2018 09:52

I know how you feel. My DS isn't going through what your DD is going through, but he has severe ASD, and I can't remember the last time a relative or friend asked us how things are, or how he's doing. He has a compromised immune system and catches everything going, and yet if another member of the family gets a cold it's all 'woe is me', or 'poor so and so'. I'm not expecting people to be constantly asking how he is, but I honestly can't remember the last time anyone showed a bit of interest. My DM was telling me a story about a friend of hers, and how hard it was for their DGC, who has autism … 'oh it's so difficult, oh I really feel for them', etc and yet their ASD is nowhere near as severe as my DS's. DS had to have a general anaesthetic a couple of years ago: I was so worried about him, and MIL never even bothered asking after him.

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