My ex text and I want him back

[Pollypopit]

This time last year I broke up with my boyfriend because I moved to a new city to work and he didn't want to move. We were both pretty heartbroken. I threw myself into my job and didn't make contact because it wasn't fair on him and because I didn't trust myself to stay in the city I moved to and not run back to him...

Anyway after nearly a year of radio silence I got a message Monday asking how I was. I was surprised to see his name pop up but replied pretty business like.

I then received a text tonight about "our" song which was pretty mushy (basically it's the first time in a year since I listened to this I always picture you dancing to it, I miss you)

I feel pretty pathetic and teenagery but it has knocked me back a bit. I haven't really dated since I got here mainly because I wasn't ready but also because no-one caught my eye. I've had a few one night stands but nothing major. This has made me want to text back saying I wanted to come home and go back to how we were (obviously didn't).

I'm back in our hometown in 2 weeks for good (6 months early).

aibu to initiate a meet up/coffee anything else or should I just get a grip and take it as friendly chat?

Update us please. Good luck

I hope lunch as great!

I was dithering about whether to ask about marriage, but that's why I also wondered about houses and children - just anything to show you were conscious our your relationship rather than "Blimey, 6 years went quick!".

Given you were so young when you meet, I'm guessing that it is as well you had a break. If you both clearly want to reconcile, I can't see why not. As long as you talk through what happened properly.

Good luck!

A quick update - we met up for lunch/tea/evening yesterday at a cafe by my house.

The first few hours were amazing just generally catching up, flirting, etc. Obviously then we started talking about all the horrible stuff that happened. I was surprised he was quite honest about his feelings about how I dealt with the breakup and said he was angry with me for a long time. That was hard to hear but was needed.

I asked him why he didn't move with me and he said he was tired of fighting and that moving away would have made us resent each other. He said that he thought I would come back. He told me that we are both career minded so it makes it difficult to compromise. He also asked me if I would have given up my job to be with him in a city many hours away - I couldn't answer.

We spoke about that for maybe an hour or two. We both got upset.

It got to about 6 and he was going to get the train back to where we used to live but I just asked him to stay at mine. We slept in the same bed but we didn't have sex. He's still there and he will be there when I get back in half an hour or so. We're planning on going for a meal again tonight.

How’d it go? Any clarity?

You've been through a lot together. MC is so stressful. Be honest with each other. You love him, does he still love you and do you want to share a life together? Don't rush it, but follow you heart. Best of luck. Hope it works out for you.

Pollypopit, it's so good that you met and really, really talked, no skirting around the subject.

Where do you go from here? Nothing too hasty please.

Now that you've moved back, do you have a job? I hope so.

Good luck.

That's great you talked. Personally I don't see a lack of commitment - you'd been together since your early 20s, you were prioritising your careers (as I think was right), you could have had a child if things had worked out differently. The not being engaged is a total red herring and doesn't mean you have low standards (I'm not engaged to my partner who I've been with since I was 23 - this doesn't diminish our relationship in the slightest). Given the state of your relationship at the time you broke up, I'm not surprised that having a clean break was the best option. It doesn't mean that things are irrevocably damaged.

I agree with those who say the year apart might have been what you needed. From early to late 20s is is a really formative time to spend with someone, people change a lot and I think it does sometimes take a while for the dust to settle and for you to figure out whether the people you are now are as compatible as the people you were at 22.

You both sound like nice people. I wouldn't pin all your hopes and expectations on this reunion - it might be that it just helps you let go of what was once and for all, or it might be that the distance has helped you both clarify that you really want to be together. Either way, it's nice and rare to be able to flirt and enjoy a 'new' relationship with someone you've previously settled into a routine with. I'd enjoy this for now and not over-think it. Good luck!

Keep talking to him OP.

Think about what you want now (for me at 29 it would have been marriage and babies, for you it may be something else). Think about if you’re compatible now and if you will be in 5, 10, 20 years and make a long term decision.

We can’t know if it’s meant to be or not. But sounds like you both care.

Hope it all works out for you .
I can’t see what harm it will do to try and reconnect.
No one can really tell you it’s a bad idea as it’s not our lives .
Maybe you are meant to be together which is why you’ve found your way back and he messaged you when he did .
Good luck