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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to keep both Christmas presents for myself?

51 replies

PresentsFromSNDD · 13/12/2018 19:13

I am a LP to a 3 year old. DD sees her dad supposedly weekly but it’s more like fortnightly and he regularly goes 3-4 weeks without seeing her at all.

I buy presents for him from DD but he never bothers in reverse as he says that’s what he pays maintenance for (all £5 a week of it).

A friend of mine makes personalised gifts using hand and footprints. She has made me a mug and a necklace. The necklace also has DDs name (fairly uncommon spelling which we rarely get items with her name on unless you buy them especially) and her birthstone alongside her hand print. It’s beautiful and I can’t wait to wear it. The mug is more decorative with handprint on one side and feet on the other (DD has SN and as a result has small feet so easily fits on the mug). She’s done this free of charge as a Christmas present from DD to me (I know the gifts will appear in her “portfolio “on Facebook but that’s not costing me anything), both DD and my friend enjoyed making them and DD is pleased she’s got me a present rather than a last minute rush job on Christmas Eve from the Supermarket.

My mum has seen the mug and has said it should be her Christmas present from DD to her as I have the necklace. She does help me out with DD; picks her up from Nursery if I’m running late, takes her for the occasional Saturday so I can have a break etc but it’s not more than she did when Ex and I were together and if she stopped doing those things I could cope as I never expect or ask her for them. I’ve already got her a number of presents (including her 3 favourite beauty products which are around £20 per item). Selfishly I want to keep both items for myself. My DD will never be this age again and I want to treasure them. Mums getting annoyed with me saying it’s not fair. I have told her she could contact my friend to ask for a mug to be done but mum wants me to pay for it.

AIBU to keep both the necklace and the mug or am I just selfish and should share?

OP posts:
Nix32 · 13/12/2018 19:14

Keep them for yourself and get something similar for your Mum's birthday.

ZoeZebra1 · 13/12/2018 19:15

Presents were for you, end of.

BendingSpoons · 13/12/2018 19:16

Your mum is being rude. They were made for you. Keep them!

RoboticMary · 13/12/2018 19:17

They were for you! Very cheeky of her to even ask!

Blondielongie · 13/12/2018 19:18

That's cheeky of your dm. You should keep the mug. It was a gift from your friend to you really. So for that reason you cannot give it away.

Ilovehamabeads · 13/12/2018 19:18

Keep them both. They’re yours. Plus if I were your friend I would feel hurt if you gave one away.

BunsOfAnarchy · 13/12/2018 19:18

Hell no! Keep it!
If you can get DM a mug this side of xmas, then do so but keep the one you've already got. I thinl she should pay for it purely because shes being so arsey about it!

Sorry to be realllllly cheeky but can you PM the makers details as id love to get something like this myself (only if u wish to as i understand if you dont want to share Smile)

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 13/12/2018 19:19

The presents were for you, from your friend on behalf of your daughter. They are for you, not your mother.

Your Mum has got Christmas presents, it's lovely that she helps out but it doesn't mean she's entitled to the mug.

HildaZelda · 13/12/2018 19:19

The presents were specially made for YOU by your friend. Your mother is being really cheeky with what she is asking Hmm
Keep them both OP and hope you and DD both have a lovely Christmas :)

Iloveautumnleaves · 13/12/2018 19:20

Your Mum is rude.

They are YOUR gifts, not hers!

IF she hadn’t been so bloody rude I’d have asked my friend how much it would be to do one for my Mum, but not now.

You could buy your Mum in if those DIY cast sets for Christmas and she can do it with DD.

Sorry her Dad is such a bloody bellend as well. STOP wasting your money on him. DD can make/draw him something, she’ll be just as happy to give him that.

7yo7yo · 13/12/2018 19:21

Your mum sounds nasty!
Keep them both!

Original poster
PresentsFromSNDD · 13/12/2018 19:23

STOP wasting your money on him

I'm not petty, he tried to say in court that I was immature and petty but I'm not so will continue to spend money on presents. I never spend more than £5 or so and he's usually the last I buy for at Christmas.

OP posts:
Whatsnewwithyou · 13/12/2018 19:23

How much would another mug cost? Can you return one of the beauty products and use the money for another mug instead? Your mum is being unreasonable but a mug would clearly mean a lot to her and she clearly does do a lot for you and your DD (whether you could manage without her help is irrelevant).

billybagpuss · 13/12/2018 19:24

Yes, the presents were made for you, not your mum.

rainbowquack · 13/12/2018 19:25

Thé presents are yours BUT if I was in your shoes, I would make a mug/plate/coaster or something similar for my mum as well. She does help you out and whilst she is being incredibly rude, it doesn't hurt to be kind.

I am sure your DD will be super proud to give her grandma a present that she made especially.

fuzzywuzzy · 13/12/2018 19:27

NO they were gifts to you from your friend you don’t give away gifts.

Tell your mother it won’t be happening.

thomasthecheekyone · 13/12/2018 19:27

Keep them. But is there a pottery painting place you could go and do a mug as a gift for your mum? There's a few local to me, a mug is around £10 plus £3.50 painting fee.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 13/12/2018 19:28

Yanbu and certainly not selfish.

Fishandthechips · 13/12/2018 19:29

I cant really see how this is any of your mums business. She is essentially asking you to re-gift a gift that was given to you. You could always argue that most people see that as rude and what if your friend who made them found out. Would your friend assume you didnt like it? There is no way I would give the mug away and I wouldnt be entering into a discussion about it. If she asks again just tell her it was a gift for you and therefore you decide what happens with it! Or just make yourself a brew in it next time shes over and hopefully she will get the message.

Topseyt · 13/12/2018 19:29

They were presents given to you by your friend. Your Mum has no right to be asking for them. Tell her so.

When your Mum's birthday comes around then perhaps buy some from your friend as a present for your Mum. Otherwise, no. Keep your present. Your friend wanted you to have it or she wouldn't have done what she did. She might be offended if you gave it away, and you would almost certainly regret it too.

Fishandthechips · 13/12/2018 19:31

Ahh, your mum wants it! Same applies! Tell her to jog on or a quick dd has already bought you a present!

BestestBrownies · 13/12/2018 19:31

Your Mum understandably wants the personalised item from your daughter. I'm sure most GM's would treasure something like that over expensive but generic beauty products.

Just return one of the said pricey beauty products and make a new mug (or plate or photo frame or whatever), in a different colour/design so it's not the same as yours and everyone's happy.

CheshireChat · 13/12/2018 19:31

Can you return everything else and pay for another mug or similar?

BestestBrownies · 13/12/2018 19:33

Cross posted with loads of others who've had the same (logical), idea

FairyLightFiend · 13/12/2018 19:33

She so greedy! Tell her that your friend specifically told you that the gifts were for you. Imply or say outright that she’d be hurt if you regifted it. If that doesn’t work and it’s not a hill that you’re willing to die on then do as the PP suggested and take back one or all of presents to pay for one for her.