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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to keep both Christmas presents for myself?

51 replies

PresentsFromSNDD · 13/12/2018 19:13

I am a LP to a 3 year old. DD sees her dad supposedly weekly but it’s more like fortnightly and he regularly goes 3-4 weeks without seeing her at all.

I buy presents for him from DD but he never bothers in reverse as he says that’s what he pays maintenance for (all £5 a week of it).

A friend of mine makes personalised gifts using hand and footprints. She has made me a mug and a necklace. The necklace also has DDs name (fairly uncommon spelling which we rarely get items with her name on unless you buy them especially) and her birthstone alongside her hand print. It’s beautiful and I can’t wait to wear it. The mug is more decorative with handprint on one side and feet on the other (DD has SN and as a result has small feet so easily fits on the mug). She’s done this free of charge as a Christmas present from DD to me (I know the gifts will appear in her “portfolio “on Facebook but that’s not costing me anything), both DD and my friend enjoyed making them and DD is pleased she’s got me a present rather than a last minute rush job on Christmas Eve from the Supermarket.

My mum has seen the mug and has said it should be her Christmas present from DD to her as I have the necklace. She does help me out with DD; picks her up from Nursery if I’m running late, takes her for the occasional Saturday so I can have a break etc but it’s not more than she did when Ex and I were together and if she stopped doing those things I could cope as I never expect or ask her for them. I’ve already got her a number of presents (including her 3 favourite beauty products which are around £20 per item). Selfishly I want to keep both items for myself. My DD will never be this age again and I want to treasure them. Mums getting annoyed with me saying it’s not fair. I have told her she could contact my friend to ask for a mug to be done but mum wants me to pay for it.

AIBU to keep both the necklace and the mug or am I just selfish and should share?

OP posts:
Original poster
PresentsFromSNDD · 13/12/2018 19:33

Friend wouldn't be able to make another before Christmas, she closed her order book at the end of November. There is a pottery place nearby that does similar but again can't book in before Christmas now, will try for her birthday though.

Just didn't know if I was being selfish, she has a habit of making me feel guilty.

OP posts:
ThanosSavedMe · 13/12/2018 19:35

You’re not being selfish.

Chloe84 · 13/12/2018 19:35

Can you return what you've bought for your mum and pay friend for another mug? Otherwise, no, YANBU, for keeping both items.

I'm not petty, he tried to say in court that I was immature and petty but I'm not so will continue to spend money on presents.

So you're going to keep giving ex presents to prove to him you're not immature?

I'm sorry, OP, but that's quite...immature. Stop being a mug!

CheshireChat · 13/12/2018 19:39

Does your friend come and visit you at home? You could just say it'd be rude if she never saw you using it or realised you'd regifted it.

I'd just tell her the truth that you can't get one for Christmas, but you definitely know what to get her in the future.

Original poster
PresentsFromSNDD · 13/12/2018 19:44

Yes friend comes here sometimes

OP posts:
MumW · 13/12/2018 19:49

Could you order a photo mug online? It can't be too late if you're quick.

Original poster
PresentsFromSNDD · 13/12/2018 19:50

Never thought of that MumW I’ll have a look online

OP posts:
Inertia · 13/12/2018 19:55

It would be very hurtful for your friend who has gone to the trouble of making these gifts for you, not your mum.

I suggest you and your daughter make something else as her present to your mum, ideally using plenty of glitter...

Angrybird345 · 13/12/2018 19:57

Keep the gifts yourself.

Don't buy for your ex.

Tell your mum you will get her something similar for her birthday.

Mummyoflittledragon · 13/12/2018 19:57

I think from now on the way to go with your mother is to get her personalised gifts from dd. £60 as a lone parent sounds a lot of money unless you’re taking home a few thousand every month and she doesn’t sound grateful. You can also get photo calendars from vista print etc. Maybe as a compromise you could buy her a photo mug from there. Delivery may be expensive by now though.

In your place I would give one of the toiletries and see about getting the photo mug even if it costs you the earth for delivery. Then you will be able to tell your mum you intended to get her a mug all along. Just not the one from your friend to you.

strawberrypenguin · 13/12/2018 20:01

The presents were made for you by your friend. You should keep them both and your mum should stop asking.

VittysCardigan · 13/12/2018 20:01

Could you buy a 'paint/colour your own mug' set from somewhere and use that?

Holidayshopping · 13/12/2018 20:06

Mums getting annoyed with me saying it’s not fair.

My ten year old knows better than to try to stamp her feet and whinge that anything present related is ‘not fair’-your mum is being incredibly rude!

Fancy demanding something that has been specially made for your single parent daughter at Xmas should be given to you?!

Ohyesiam · 13/12/2018 21:28

Tell your mum you couldn’t possibly hurt your friend’ Feelings by giving away presents from her.

Alpacanorange · 13/12/2018 21:34

Keep them for yourself, why does anyone else get to tell you what to do ? I hate this type of manipulation, tell her where to get her own from. And it will generate income for your friend.

Iloveacurry · 13/12/2018 21:38

‘It’s not fair!’ My goodness your mother sounds like child. Keep it for yourself.

TheBrilloPad · 13/12/2018 21:39

I really need to learn how to do clicky links but:
www.theworks.co.uk/p/craft-activities-for-kids/paint-your-own-mug-kit/8715427032429?CAWELAID=720011340002626901&CATARGETID=720011340002590627&cadevice=m&gclid=EAIaIQobChMI7abDieKd3wIVzrDtCh0YKwCHEAQYASABEgIe4fD_BwE

This is a £2.50 "paint your own" mug you can order online. Get DD to paint a few scribbles on it, write "Nanny" or whatever on it yourself, sorted, your Mum gets a mug too.

KeiTeNgeNge · 13/12/2018 21:41

Return one of the toilettry items and ask your friend if she can do one next year. That is very cheeky tho

MaderiaCycle · 13/12/2018 21:42

Keep them.

Ghanagirl · 13/12/2018 21:47

@OP please keep both presents and maybe buy something for your mum.
Your friend sounds amazing as do you and DD...

Bobbybear10 · 13/12/2018 21:47

Tshirt studio were really good for me with printing a mug.
You have to upload your own photo but they are really quick, around the £4 mark and nicely printed.

I would give her a mug or maybe a calendar with your DD’s photo, a different one for each month.

winteryslippers · 13/12/2018 21:53

You should take a photo of the mug and have that printed on another mug lol!

Ellisandra · 13/12/2018 21:59

Tell your mum you’d love for her to have one too. That you’ve spoken to your friend but she says her order book is full. Then tell your mum you thought it would be much more fun to do it all together anyway - so she’s having not only the next mug, but a trip out with you both to be involved in making it.

If you can return the beauty products to pay for the second mug - fab. If for some reason you can’t, stash them for her birthday so you get the money back another month.

Or... tell her no.

Yulebealrite · 13/12/2018 22:04

It's not selfish. They were made for you.