to ask what are the new rules for thank-you notes

[PeckhamPauline]

I admit I may be out of touch, but... it was a friend's child birthday two weeks ago. The child is 11. Is it too much to expect some kind of thank-you note, or even an email from the parent saying "Little Johnny liked the gift you sent"?

This seems to happen a lot, with friends as well as their children. I know on this particular occasion that the gift was definitely received as I used a signed-for service!

Perhaps I should just stop sending gifts? Or perhaps thank-yous aren't the done thing any more?

But I’ll continue to send my nephews presents every year because it’s the right thing to do, even though they have never been either acknowledged or thanked.

This is an interesting point... but is sending the presents year after year without expecting any acknowledgement teaching the children to be 'entitled', though?

We would generally expect thank you notes. I’d always send them.

To be fair, I don't tend to post many presents. If I haven't spoken to someone I'd usually send an email to say that I'm sending something in case it doesn't arrive. And wanting to know whether something has arrived is different to expecting a thank you note IMO.

But people are busy/have stuff going on and I'm not always going to know if that's the case. Some may say that's no excuse but personally, I can overlook someone forgetting to send a thank you card as that doesn't mean someone isn't thankful.

And if they're just rude, so be it. Why should I let it annoy me when it won't be annoying them?

Why should I let it annoy me when it won't be annoying them?

For me it's not a question of being annoyed so much, but whether I should continue to send the same friends/children gifts year after year knowing I am either:
(a) rewarding rudeness
(b) encouraging a feeling of entitlement, and/or
(c) sending something they don't enjoy enough to comment on

I agree with you to a point.

To me, thank you cards feel very old fashioned and I've only ever received a handful in my life. I do however expect to receive a thank you text if I've sent a gift to someone in the post. This doesn't always happen and I do feel the ingratitude when it doesn't.

My friend takes 2 or 3 months to send me a thank you card for presents I post for her dc. My ds used to write thank you notes to everyone but now he is older he sends thank you text messages. Thank you texts are done straight away, letters are done as soon as possible.

This is an interesting point... but is sending the presents year after year without expecting any acknowledgement teaching the children to be 'entitled', though?

I’m their Aunt. I’m not going to punish the children because their parents haven’t raised them to the same standards as my children.

They don’t behave as well in public as my own children either, I don’t refuse to go out with them.

We do not send thank you cards for presents given in person, but always for something that has
been posted, sent via a third party etc.