about my Christmas gift choice for this ungrateful child...

[Ggirl27]

Have a small relative aged 8 who I buy a Christmas and Birthday gift for every year. And every time he opens a gift he whispers to his parent that 'I've already got this' or 'I don't like this', he is encouraged by his parent to say thank you which he does. This Christmas I have bought him a dressing gown. I was going to spend a lot of time choosing him a suitable gift as I usually would but as I usually miss the mark with this child I thought I'd just save my time as he's probably going to hate his gift anyway. Am I being unreasonable?

[katekat383]

Slime is an excellent idea. In a sense, he deserves it.😉

[Dottierichardson]

The British Museum, The V and A and the Natural History Museum have great small gifts that are good for Christmas, often slightly unusual...

[IPromiseIWontBeNaughty]

In both mine & dhs family we buy our dcs presents & then dish out. The dcs all then get something that they like & isn’t duplicated. Far easier. Or there’s always a gift receipt!

[toolazytothinkofausername]

Ask his parents.

My son loves receiving kinder eggs- cost £2 for 3.

My son would not be happy to receive a dressing gown.

[Motoko]

and a dad who doesn't know what he likes

But that is just OP's assumption, she doesn't actually know if that's the case.
we only see the child through Dad and he probably doesn't have a great idea of what the child does and doesn't have.

My son doesn't live with his DD, but he knows what she has, and what she'd love. I've asked him, and GD's mum what she'd like, so have got the gifts they suggested, and also told them I'd buy them, so they don't replicate the gifts.

I'm surprised the OP hasn't thought to ask in all these years, it's really not difficult and saves having the scenarios OP has described. A dressing gown isn't a very good gift, as he'll either already have one, or he might not like wearing them, many kids don't, so he'll still be disappointed. What's the point in buying something like that? To "punish" him?

[GreenKangaroo]

A dressing gown? Must be a wind up

Do you give adults deodorant and tampax?

[TisTheReason]

silkpyjamas "I would have said most five year olds can manage basic manners, my two year old always thanks people..."

Unfortunately these things are not always linear. I've known my 11 year old's friends since they were babies. Lovely, well brought up children, honestly, but one we give lifts to weekly and she never ever says thank you. Half the time I have to remind her to close the car door after herself! Nice kids, lovely polite family. I assume my children are just as bad, though of course DD assures me she always says thank you.

A trick we were taught in autism parenting classes was teach the child to say "thank you, that was really kind of you." You don't have to teach them to lie - it WAS really kind. Unless you're buying an 8 year old a goat, which is rather mean unless they've asked for one.

[Calvinsmam]

I think is someone gave me something I already had I would say something along the lines of ‘oh my goodness I love this so much I’ve already bought it. You know me so well!’
And see if they offer me the recipes to change it.

I would much rather someone I had given a gift to got something they liked and didn’t have.

[Bunnybaubles]

I always ask my brothers what my neices/ nephews like or are into. They text me back with 4 or 5 suggestions which I can choose from. This year my mum told me exactly what my nephew was hinting at and told me his mum and dad were not buying it.

So I'm going to be his hero this Xmas 😁

[Dottierichardson]

Also wonder what's going on that someone would be so hypersensitive about a small child, 8 is incredibly young...and the point is surely to do something to make them happy?

[Dottierichardson]

'Ungrateful child' sounds so Victorian, makes me think of that horrible school master Mr Brocklehurst in 'Jane Eyre'...

[Calvinsmam]

I just ask my nieces what they want.

I say ‘here’s the budget what do you want?’
If they don’t know I go shopping with them.

What’s the point of buying something they might not want?
Getting a dressing gown for a child is just mean.

[TisTheReason]

I think it's a bit rude to say you've already got one unless quizzed by the giver. The giver has done their bit in finding and buying something you plainly like. It's not their job to then exchange it or think up something different. If they have brought the receipt with them they will probably offer it to you anyway.

[scarbados]

@Youngandfree

Thanks for putting words into my mouth. I must have used an invisible font to type the words 'in the middlle of the Christmas celebrations'. Are your kids as rude as you are?

[SnuggyBuggy]

I think with all the tat and waste these days it's not unreasonable to expect the etiquette around gifts to move on

[Youngandfree]

@scarbados I am sorry🙄 so commenting on a relatives parenting is good any other time of year just not Christmas Day then! 🤔🙄

[Calvinsmam]

I wouldn’t give someone a receipt a with a gift as standard.

But to be honest I ask everyone what they want.

If I’m giving a gift I’d much rather know they would get something they actually wanted or needed.
I’d not be offended in the slightest if I bought someone a duplicate and they asked for the receipt.

I wouldn’t buy them them another gift they could just have the receipt and swap it.

[Ggirl27]

I have always searched hard for gifts I think he might like. I have thought hard about the things he plays with, his interests and have always tried really hard to find something he will genuinely like. I have asked his parents and been given suggestions and always managed to buy duplicates of something he already has which he just comments on and discards. He doesn't like chocolate so that's out. Who wants money as an 8 year old - I was always forced to 'save' it at that age. I did genuinely think if I can't buy him something he'll enjoy, I'll buy him something useful...

[Calvinsmam]

Get him a gift certificate.

I loooooooved getting money at that age and I was never made to save it.

Nothing better than going shopping in the sales with your Christmas money.

[Ggirl27]

And he does wear a dressing gown as I often see him when he's ready for bed and being taken home to his Mum's - his parents always squabble about whose clothes are whose so I thought it might be good to have a spare, he also loves Marvel characters so a Marvel dressing gown might be the right thing this time...

[Ggirl27]

If I give him a voucher whatever he buys will stay at his Dads and not go home with him. So he gets a present he can use twice a month, it's a minefield...

[HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone]

I think in this situation a wallet and money would be the best option. If you genuinely have tried then I am not sure what other option you have.

I think its very odd you say you asked for ideas and still you ended up buying him stuff he already had, don't most people suggest a specific toy or game?

[HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone]

whatever he buys will stay at his Dads and not go home with him.

That's terrible parenting. It would belong to the child, surely his dad is mature enough to realise that he can take it to which ever house he chooses.

I can see this poor lad refusing to visit dad in the not too far future if that's his attitude so you probably wont have to deal with the problem much longer.

[nokidshere]

Just suppose it irritates me that he can't say thank you at 8 without being prompted and be so miserable about a gift...

He's 8. He's being ferried between parents at Christmas, no-one seems to know what he really wants for Christmas, and he's not mature enough to hide his disappointment. Give the child a break.

Why have you not asked him what he would like?

Or googled fun gifts for 8 yr olds and buy him something totally off the wall that would surprise and please him?

Just ask him. If it's too late this year because you won't see or speak to him before Christmas then chocolate and cash will cover most bases. But you might find he is "more grateful" if you have bothered to actually talk to him and find out what he likes.

[bumblingbovine49]

The thing is that you are doing a good job choosing things he would like as he already had them. It is unfortunate that he had them already but hardly his fault!
He will learn to his disappointment better I sure as he gets older.

Do you actually care that you keep getting him duplicates or do you just want the child to make you feel better about your own dissapointment/slight embarrassment.?

If the former take some of the good advice given ,about avoiding duplicare gifts if the latter wait until he gets a bit older