about my Christmas gift choice for this ungrateful child...

[Ggirl27]

Have a small relative aged 8 who I buy a Christmas and Birthday gift for every year. And every time he opens a gift he whispers to his parent that 'I've already got this' or 'I don't like this', he is encouraged by his parent to say thank you which he does. This Christmas I have bought him a dressing gown. I was going to spend a lot of time choosing him a suitable gift as I usually would but as I usually miss the mark with this child I thought I'd just save my time as he's probably going to hate his gift anyway. Am I being unreasonable?

[Mummyoflittledragon]

Scarbardos. Yeh right, that will go down well. The boy was 6 and 7 at the time. My 10 yo dd has to be reminded to say thank you some of the time. We always do thank you cards so it encourages gratitude.

I get you probably don’t have kids by the sound of it op. I think some of these responses must be from people with either much older children and have forgotten what 6/7 yos are like, younger children so are clueless or no children at all. Or maybe everyone else just has mini adults... just not in my village. Or acquaintance.

[rinabean]

You're admitting that in eight years you've never made an effort to get him a good present.

The goal is not to get things people don't want or need and have them fall at your feet and kiss your toes anyway as they are inferior to you, it's that you get something they want or need and they have genuine gratitude and you both feel really pleased. I would be upset to know I missed the mark on one of my presents and I'd be striving to do better next time, you've done it years and years in a row and you act like the child is the problem?

[ExcitedForChristmas18]

Why don't you ask what he wants??
Our family and friends ask me what our children want. I hate people that don't say. It just ends up being something they won't play with. Our family and friends much prefer it like that, because they know they are getting the children something they really want..and I know they are not wasting any money!!

[RoseDog]

Is he being ungrateful or is he just a but unfiltered?

My dd is now 15 and she still needs reminding to think before she opens her mouth and to just accept gracefully and say thank you, she just sees things as they are and is literal about everything, she is getting better though. I don't think its anything we have done as ds manages to respond perfectly fine.

[ginghamstarfish]

I did the Oxfam goat gift for my (spoilt) nephews ... the silence, the look of horror and disappointment on their faces. I had expected their mum to explain what was in the card, how some poor person would be overjoyed at the gift of a goat, etc etc, but she just glared at me.

[Mummyoflittledragon]

rinabean
Well said. 👏👏

[blueberryporridge]

Poor wee soul, he sounds like he has a bit of a miserable life anyway with two parents who hardly speak and a dad who doesn't know what he likes. And now he has another relative who thinks he is ungrateful and seems to be grudging buying him anything.

Why not put in a bit of effort and get to know him better? Why not ask him what he would like? Or why not give him the gift of an experience he would like - movie, tenpin bowling, soft play, etc (and better still, take him to it yourself so that you can get to know him better).

He is only 8 and he is not being openly rude. Give him a break and try to be nicer to him. You are sounding like something from a Dickens Christmas story at the moment, and not in a good way.

[Elfinablender]

Mum and Dad hardly speak and we only see the child through Dad and he probably doesn't have a great idea of what the child does and doesn't have.

Yeah, teach this kid a lesson, clearly he doesn't have things hard enough.

[wednesday32]

It is never easy to buy a gift for someone you don't see often enough t find out what they truly love. Him saying he doesn't like it isn't ungrateful. It seems a waste of money to buy for the sake of it. Ask him a few weeks beforehand what he would like x

[Wheresthebeach]

Just give him cash. No point buying a child a gift they may not want and then being surprised they aren't over the moon.

[SnuggyBuggy]

Why not try asking the dad. If he doesn't have any idea then I honestly feel sorry for the kid.

[Yinv]

Cut the kid some slack. His parents are divorced and hardly speak. The priority won’t be teaching the 8yo to be grateful for gifts he doesn’t like.

I think you have been thoughtful buying him the marvel dressing gown but I don’t really think you can expect much from him.

[BarbarianMum]

I've taught my children to say "wow that's great, I love it " regardless of the crapness of a present or the fact they already have 4 of them. Nevertheless you do have to wonder at the motivation of the person who consistently gives terrible gifts and expects effusive thanks (I had an aunt who sent me a packet of notelets each year who was in this category).

[Lovemusic33]

We bring our kids up telling them not to lie, always tell the truth and then Christmas comes and we suddenly tell them to pretend they are pleased with what ever gifts they get 🤣

[Ohyesiam]

But kids don’t t have much autonomy with spending power, so something they don’t like or already have is disappointing. Don’t you remember being a child? Of course I was beautifully trained in gratitude, but it was still disappointing.
I think most kids in developed countries feel like this. It’s unpalatable for adults, but that’s how it is.
Get him a voucher.

[dementedpixie]

Give him a selection box with £5/£10 in a card and he can buy what he wants

[ErrolTheDragon]

I can't imagine any kids being thrilled by the goat, but if they're interested in wildlife they might like one of the 'adoption' type gifts, which I think usually comes with a cuddly toy/newsletters or whatever. Or a kid who likes dogs might like a subscription to the dog sponsoring scheme, they get updates from 'their' dog.

[silkpyjamasallday]

An 8 year old should not need to be prompted to say thank you for a present, and I'm quite shocked that he would vocalise that he already had something in front of the gift giver too. I would have said most five year olds can manage basic manners, my two year old always thanks people if they give her a biscuit let alone a present.

I think the dressing gown is a good idea, and I wouldn't put yourself out trying to find something more thoughtful for the ungrateful brat which will almost certainly be rejected too anyway.

[dementedpixie]

Don't you think they might have a dressing gown already too? Give cash/ gift card instead

[Jeanclaudejackety]

Animal or monster onesies or dressing gowns are an absolute hit with kids in our family. For a child who's hard to buy for I'd do a 10 note inside a card with a book - Roald Dahl, poetry anthology, annual or joke book, and a net of chocolate coins. About 15 quid sorted.

[OutPinked]

My eight year old is similar. He’s just incredibly blunt and honest, it’s hilarious at times but obnoxious and rude at others. They’re still too young to understand the art of subtle disappointment .

Agree with PP’s though, you should just ask him or his parents what he wants.

[TheKitchenWitch]

Gift card/voucher, sorted.
This is absolutely a situation where that would be the ideal present, along with some sweets etc.

[TornFromTheInside]

Lego is a decent option, as you can't have enough of the stuff (assuming he as any at all).
A selection box is ok, but he might be overwhelmed with chocolate anyway, as most children are.
Definitely wise to ask the parents - children usually have some sort of interest in something (Batman, a football team, cars, music etc).

[Dottierichardson]

I really don't get this one, have been buying gifts for friends' children/relatives for years, always just ask the parents to get a list from the child, I check it out and then text the parents to say what I'm getting so they can cross it off their list. Also find out what the children currently into, so for example some have had phases of being into ancient Egypt after doing projects at school, so bought things like mummy-shaped pencil box from British Museum. Also throw in things like Santa-shaped chocolate and so on...If that failed would do a book token or a gift card of some sort...as children get older I switch to cash...

[Awwlookatmybabyspider]

The thing though op. No child is going to be hoping up and down doing a Merry dance while waving a flag around over a dressing gown.
Imagine you're 8 years old. You you want a dressing gown. If youre going to buy a gift it might as well be something hed liked or put say £10/in a card.