about my Christmas gift choice for this ungrateful child...

[Ggirl27]

Have a small relative aged 8 who I buy a Christmas and Birthday gift for every year. And every time he opens a gift he whispers to his parent that 'I've already got this' or 'I don't like this', he is encouraged by his parent to say thank you which he does. This Christmas I have bought him a dressing gown. I was going to spend a lot of time choosing him a suitable gift as I usually would but as I usually miss the mark with this child I thought I'd just save my time as he's probably going to hate his gift anyway. Am I being unreasonable?

[BarbarianMum]

I think an element of risk (or surprise as its otherwise known) is fine when buying presents.

[Motoko]

It's one thing getting kids dressing gowns when you KNOW that they would love them, but if you don't know, then you're taking a risk.

[BarbarianMum]

My kids also love their dressing gowns and their current ones were Christmas presents. Not sure why the OP is getting such a hard time. Not exactly the same as tampax.

[masterandmargarita]

I know plenty of 8 year olds who would like a dressing gown especially if it was a themed one like unicorns or fortnite or some such

[SnuggyBuggy]

Can you get vouchers for counseling with a long expiry date?

[Zucker]

The shitshow that are his parents and you're criticising a child for not fawning over what ever present you give him. Chances are as you have said yourself he won't be allowed bring it home anyway! FFS.

Give him the dressing gown, don't expect whoops of delight though! Chances are he'll have to take it off and leave it in Dads car when he gets home anyway.

[SuperstarDJ]

If you really have no idea what to buy for him, give money or gift vouchers. Or ask his parents for ideas beforehand. Chances are he won’t be that impressed with a dressing gown.

[PrimalLass]

Getting a dressing gown for a child is just mean.

Guess I am mean then. They've asked for them though.

[PrimalLass]

My kids love fluffy dressing gowns. We very inappropriately call our 13-year-old Hugh (Heffner) as he is always wearing his.

[PopGoesTheWeaz]

I know this is missing the point of the thread but my 2DSs who are around that age would LOVE a marvel dressing gown.

[Oblomov18]

I ask people what they want. Most 7 or 8 year olds have plenty of ideas. Many kids 9 and above just love cash.
I give cash in all ds2's school friends birthday cards now. It's easier. And they prefer it. They tell me so!

[Tinty]

his parents always squabble about whose clothes are whose so I thought it might be good to have a spare.

The Dad is your relative (brother?) time to tell him to stop being an idiot and let his son take his clothes home if he wants to. Yes the mother is an idiot too if she does this but presumably you can't talk to her.

If I give him a voucher whatever he buys will stay at his Dads and not go home with him. So he gets a present he can use twice a month, it's a minefield...

Same again, tell his father the gift is not a weapon to use against the boys mother for his son to take home or keep at Dads if he chooses.

Finally you say the boy is spoilt, but it can't be that much fun having warring parents who won't even talk to each other when you have to have Xmas in two different places.

[caringcarer]

Give him a card with money in it and let him choose his gift.

[bumblingbovine49]

The thing is that you are doing a good job choosing things he would like as he already had them. It is unfortunate that he had them already but hardly his fault!
He will learn to his disappointment better I sure as he gets older.

Do you actually care that you keep getting him duplicates or do you just want the child to make you feel better about your own dissapointment/slight embarrassment.?

If the former take some of the good advice given ,about avoiding duplicare gifts if the latter wait until he gets a bit older

[nokidshere]

Just suppose it irritates me that he can't say thank you at 8 without being prompted and be so miserable about a gift...

He's 8. He's being ferried between parents at Christmas, no-one seems to know what he really wants for Christmas, and he's not mature enough to hide his disappointment. Give the child a break.

Why have you not asked him what he would like?

Or googled fun gifts for 8 yr olds and buy him something totally off the wall that would surprise and please him?

Just ask him. If it's too late this year because you won't see or speak to him before Christmas then chocolate and cash will cover most bases. But you might find he is "more grateful" if you have bothered to actually talk to him and find out what he likes.

[HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone]

whatever he buys will stay at his Dads and not go home with him.

That's terrible parenting. It would belong to the child, surely his dad is mature enough to realise that he can take it to which ever house he chooses.

I can see this poor lad refusing to visit dad in the not too far future if that's his attitude so you probably wont have to deal with the problem much longer.

[HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone]

I think in this situation a wallet and money would be the best option. If you genuinely have tried then I am not sure what other option you have.

I think its very odd you say you asked for ideas and still you ended up buying him stuff he already had, don't most people suggest a specific toy or game?

[Ggirl27]

If I give him a voucher whatever he buys will stay at his Dads and not go home with him. So he gets a present he can use twice a month, it's a minefield...

[Ggirl27]

And he does wear a dressing gown as I often see him when he's ready for bed and being taken home to his Mum's - his parents always squabble about whose clothes are whose so I thought it might be good to have a spare, he also loves Marvel characters so a Marvel dressing gown might be the right thing this time...

[Calvinsmam]

Get him a gift certificate.

I loooooooved getting money at that age and I was never made to save it.

Nothing better than going shopping in the sales with your Christmas money.

[Ggirl27]

I have always searched hard for gifts I think he might like. I have thought hard about the things he plays with, his interests and have always tried really hard to find something he will genuinely like. I have asked his parents and been given suggestions and always managed to buy duplicates of something he already has which he just comments on and discards. He doesn't like chocolate so that's out. Who wants money as an 8 year old - I was always forced to 'save' it at that age. I did genuinely think if I can't buy him something he'll enjoy, I'll buy him something useful...

[Calvinsmam]

I wouldn’t give someone a receipt a with a gift as standard.

But to be honest I ask everyone what they want.

If I’m giving a gift I’d much rather know they would get something they actually wanted or needed.
I’d not be offended in the slightest if I bought someone a duplicate and they asked for the receipt.

I wouldn’t buy them them another gift they could just have the receipt and swap it.

[Youngandfree]

@scarbados I am sorry🙄 so commenting on a relatives parenting is good any other time of year just not Christmas Day then! 🤔🙄

[SnuggyBuggy]

I think with all the tat and waste these days it's not unreasonable to expect the etiquette around gifts to move on

[scarbados]

@Youngandfree

Thanks for putting words into my mouth. I must have used an invisible font to type the words 'in the middlle of the Christmas celebrations'. Are your kids as rude as you are?