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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

about my Christmas gift choice for this ungrateful child...

138 replies

Ggirl27 · 13/12/2018 09:17

Have a small relative aged 8 who I buy a Christmas and Birthday gift for every year. And every time he opens a gift he whispers to his parent that 'I've already got this' or 'I don't like this', he is encouraged by his parent to say thank you which he does. This Christmas I have bought him a dressing gown. I was going to spend a lot of time choosing him a suitable gift as I usually would but as I usually miss the mark with this child I thought I'd just save my time as he's probably going to hate his gift anyway. Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:

SnuggyBuggy · 13/12/2018 09:56

Why not ask for suggestions from parents so you can avoid wasting money on something he already has?

AdoraBell · 13/12/2018 09:57

I don’t think he’s being ungrateful, and the parents are encouraging him to say Thank you.

I’m not trying to be a snowflake about this. At his age he should be learning how to respond, which he is.

Back to the present, gift card seems like the best option.

Tinty · 13/12/2018 10:01

You absolutely can go wrong with chocolate. For years I gave my nephews a selection box with a £10 attached, eventually going up to a £20 note when they were teenagers. It is only recently (now they are adults and as a family we have agreed to stop presents) that they revealed to me that they both dislike chocolate and their mum used to eat the selection boxes.

Yes you can, but their mum never told you did she?

DistanceCall · 13/12/2018 10:01

Gift card / voucher.

A dressing gown is a dire present for an 8-year-old.

AdamNichol · 13/12/2018 10:04

Surely, stop guessing what to buy and ask??

chocatoo · 13/12/2018 10:06

A dressing gown is an extremely boring present for an 8 year old. Phone his parents and ask what would make his face light up!

Mummyoflittledragon · 13/12/2018 10:08

Tbh i think a lot of children will hate getting a dressing gown. Not all children even wear them. If he’s into something like Star Wars you can’t go wrong with water bottle / pe bag etc. My dd hates it so this isn’t a definite suggestion. However he will probably love something Smiggle based. I think you really need to ask his mum. I expect she is equally exasperated and embarrassed by the situation.

Where you’re going wrong I imagine is giving practical gifts, to a child, who seemingly has a lot of stuff already. A dressing gown isn’t thoughtul - sorry. Even my dd, who is happy to get clothes as a Christmas present wouldn’t like that unless it was a specific design she really wanted.

Redgreencoverplant · 13/12/2018 10:09

I don't understand why you haven't asked the parents what he would like?!

Maryjoyce · 13/12/2018 10:10

Get nothing its simple then he can complain you bought nothing for the ungrateful little sh. T

anonymousbird · 13/12/2018 10:10

My son has asked for a new dressing gown!!

thaegumathteth · 13/12/2018 10:10

This sounds a bit petty tbh. He’s just a kid and it’s not like he was deliberately rude to you.

Nanny0gg · 13/12/2018 10:12

Why on earth don't you ask his parents? There is no other way of knowing what he already has.

Otherwise a gift card. They love choosing something themselves.

Original poster

Ggirl27 · 13/12/2018 10:12

Parents are divorced, Mum and Dad hardly speak and we only see the child through Dad and he probably doesn't have a great idea of what the child does and doesn't have. I often get the 'I've got this already' comment so I'm getting gift choices right, he's just one of those kids who is showered with stuff from everyone. Thought a Marvel dressing gown would be a good choice for him to wear on his long journeys back to his Mums after a weekend visit with Dad. Just suppose it irritates me that he can't say thank you at 8 without being prompted and be so miserable about a gift...

OP posts:

I8toys · 13/12/2018 10:14

Does sound petty - he's just a kid. Just give him a gift card, ask his parents or don't bother.

blueskiesandforests · 13/12/2018 10:15

Why get him a dressing gown? You pretty much know he'll already have one if he is inclined to wear one - are you punishing him with a self fulfilling prophecy idea? That's far too subtle for an 8 year old!

You don't like him but feel obligated to give him a present. Bit shit obviously, for both of you.

Do as several others have suggested - buy him chocolate. He'll like it, won't matter that he already has some, and you'll save 3/4 of the money you would have spent on a dressing gown.

EnglishRose1320 · 13/12/2018 10:15

My ds is 8 and his dressing gown is one of his favourite things atm. I think 8 is rude to still be saying things like that but some children do struggle. Why do the parents let him open it in front of you if they know that might be the reaction? We always take presents home and then say thank you afterwards. As others have said have you asked the parents for ideas? I think I would be tempted to go with the dressing gown but if it's hot pockets put a little wrapped gift in each as an extra surprise, maybe a joke book and some sweets?

HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone · 13/12/2018 10:17

I think you are viewing him as an adult not a child. He is 8 and obviously each year he has been younger still of course he is going to be disappointed to receive something he already has. Small children are not known to be tactful when presented with a gift they already own.

If you cant ask his parents then give him a gift voucher for a shop or a wallet with some money in it. He can then use it to buy something he truly wants rather than something which he wont use.

KaliforniaDreamz · 13/12/2018 10:17

My 8yo might say something like that. his sister would never, ever. same parenting has gone into both of them.
let it go. they're kids.

DrWashout · 13/12/2018 10:18

Ask the parents what he wants.

A dressing gown is a lovely present if the child is outgrowing their current one, and my children have been genuinely delighted to receive them when they needed them. But if not, no one needs 2 dressing gowns. It's the sort of present to get if asked, but not unsolicited.

Theming can make quite a difference at this age. eg if he's into Harry Potter, HP PJs might be a really nice present whereas random ones with cars on, not so much.

Isadora2007 · 13/12/2018 10:18

Parents are divorced, Mum and Dad hardly speak and we only see the child through Dad and he probably doesn't have a great idea of what the child does and doesn't have.

Right there- why should you be expected a CHILD to act in a polite way when the adults around him clearly have not modelled this for him and cannot stop being selfish twats long enough to give him a decent childhood. Poor bloody kid. If I were you I’d give him money and a chocolate orange. Maybe say “I didn’t want to get you something you didn’t want so I thought you might like to choose your own gift this year” and then have a conversation about the things he does like and that might help for next time.
And if the dad is a relative I’d have a word about making More of a bloody effort with his son.

NoLeslie · 13/12/2018 10:18

I have small relatives whose parents never make them say thank you, or say thank you themselves and its INFURIATING. I might buy them thank you cards one of these days...

MutedUser · 13/12/2018 10:18

Sounds like you are resentful and don’t want to buy him anything. Do you make him open the gift infront of you? Is there also a room full of family giving him gifts at the same time? You say you only see the child through the dad so I’m guessing you don’t see him often ? If that’s the case then the child could be feeling awkward opening presents infront of people he doesn’t know that well that are watching and waiting for a reaction. It’s a lot of pressure on a child .

Justanothernameonthepage · 13/12/2018 10:19

In that case, a wallet with some cash/voucher in so he can pick out something at the toy shop with his Dad. Or something like a cinema trip.
But if you do have the DMS contact details, it's probably worth just a FB message asking.

DrWashout · 13/12/2018 10:21

winsinbin you got incredibly unlucky there.

Nanny0gg · 13/12/2018 10:21

If he lives with his father at all then dad will know what he does and doesn't have.

But a voucher solves the problem.

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