To want to try for another baby at 42 with a 6 year gap?

[smilinganyway]

And dh not massively keen!?

I know I am, it's selfish but I want another I've left it too late I know , we were v much one and done but now I'm having serious wobble and not sure that was the decision. I wanted..,dh thinks I am mad but I really want toconvince him it's a good idea. Our only ds is 6 , we are old I know but I really want to persuade him and try

Why dies your DH think you are mad? Just because of your age? I personally wouldn’t want to have to convince the other person but I can understand your desire for another!

Lots of women have babies into their forties nowadays.
I would just ask your husband why it is that he doesn’t want another child/why he is happy with one.
I have 1 child and I can’t imagine wanting more tbh. But I don’t know how I’ll feel in a few years time.

I had no 3 at 43 - got pregnant at 42, after a 6 year gap

But you need OH to be on board with it.

Im 40 my ds is nearly 8 months. Dd is 8 and my eldest dd is nearly 15

I had ds3 at 42 - ds1 at 32 ds2 at 35.

But you really need dh on-board. It takes a lot more out of you at 42.

I have occasionally regretted it when I was knackered.

I had my second ds a few months ago at 40. My ds is 6. The age gap is wonderful. I love it

i am

ive a 14 and 8 y old, im 38 soon and ttc no 3

I had mine at 28, 34 and 40. So two six year gaps. I don't think you should let your age or the gap put you off, if it's want you want. But if your DH (or to a lesser degree your DC) aren't keen then it's tricky

Lndnmummy i love the age gap too. You can appreciate the new arrival more and the older one is virtually self sufficient and usually helps out. They adore the baby no jealousy. I would recommend the age gap but people seem to think im crazy

I'm 43 tomorrow and 35 weeks pregnant, youngest is six in feb. all good!

You need to be very sure why you want this and seperate it from the emotional bombardment your hormones give you at this age. And your DH needs to be fully on board.

If your DS is 6 now then you’ll be looking at a minimum 7 year gap and likely bigger. Your then 10 and 3 year olds are never going to want to do the same things. They may get on, they may not, but that’s the same for all siblings.

Some people fall pregnant easily at 42 but it’s not the norm. It’s about a 2-4% chance each month at that age. With a miscarriage rate much higher than below 40 and a massive increase in chromosomal abnormalities.

Pregnancy will take a much higher toll on you physically and sleepless nights will be harder.

Sorry to be negative but I’m a similar age and I wouldn’t do it. If you’re prepared for the long wait it may take to get pregnant and the high miscarriage rate, and your DH really wants to as well then I wish you well and the best of luck!

I don't think you're old at all?! My DH is 46 and I'm pg with DC2.

If age is the only factor that is bothering you and your DH then that's silly. But if your DH doesn't want a second child period, that's another matter altogether.

One of my best friends had her dd (only child) at 42. Utterly healthy and no issues. Friend is really well.

She owns the house she and her dp live in with their dd. She works full time and worked pretty much always.

Up to you and whether it fits your circumstances.

The main issue is not your age, but the fact that your DH does not want another baby, and it is not fair to force anyone into having a child who does not want to.

I had a wobble at 40 and wanted to try for a fourth - DH was having none of it, he was 46 and said he was too old and our other 3 DC were then 18, 16 & 11.

Now I’m 42 and if I’m completely honest I’m glad he wasn’t up for it, I’m working full time and enjoying it, loving the extra income, loving coming home and having a relaxing bath whenever I want, eating out if we fancy it or just chilling in front of the telly. Lazy weekends or shopping with the older ones, visiting them at uni etc. The thought of having a baby/toddler now just doesn’t appeal to me at all !

1. Your DH needs to be on board with this. It's a shared responsibility.

1. You need to be aware that there's a higher risk of miscarriage and genetic anomalies, as PPs have said.

1. When this child turns 18, you will be at least 60 years old. Heart disease normally starts occurring in men at age 50-55 and women at age 60-65. There is a very real possibility that you may find your health failing while your child is still a minor. Do you have provisions made for your child's care if something happens to you? Do you have a will? Are you aware of how this may affect retirement options and costs?

My mum had her last baby age 42. She's now got a 14 year old and a 16 year old and I can see that she is struggling with 2 teenagers in her mid/late 50s. I personally wouldn't do it. Also my siblings find it embarrassing that they have older parents. Doesn't mean you shouldn't do it if it's something you both want I'm just saying what it's like for my family.

I'm 42 in March and wanting another. OH has been SAHD since 2012 - no chance of working so it would be easy on the childcare front.
I am an obstetric disaster however so that's the only thing putting me off.
I say get your OH on board and get cracking

Hi OP just to give an alternative perspective...I think there is a certain 'what if...?' part of our brain that kind of plays devil's advocate when we feel like time is running out. This is probably your last chance realistically to have another child and subconsciously that's probably playing on your mind. It makes you remember all the lovely parts about having a newborn - the snuggles and love, and forget the shit bits.

I'm only saying this as I am definitely not having any more, I really really struggled with the first 6 months with my second and I know for sure a 3rd would kill me, plus my husband is dead against. I definitely definitely don't want another...but I still think what if, it still makes me really sad I will never see another baby learn to roll over or stand up, and I think it will always feel a bit sad even though it's not something I want. Because nothing is black and white.

Not saying it's the same for you as only you know what's the right thing for your family but just take a moment to think about the shit parts of having a baby and how this will impact on the other 3 of you. The having to sleep in shifts as the baby will only sleep on you, but still having to do the school run. Pacing around for hours with a screaming colicky baby while trying to sort tea for your eldest and doing homework. Not being able to do activities they both like at the same time as they have different interests and there aren't many activities that will take a 1 year old and a 7 year old.

What were the reasons you only wanted one?

If you still want a baby after going through the above then you need to discuss again with your husband and also be prepared to be disappointed as sorry to be blunt but it may be possible (it may be possible as well! )

I had ds at age 42 (dd almost 5yo at the time). I had a great pregnancy with no health issues at all and a perfectly healthy boy.

My only negative would be my energy levels - I found the early years much more tiring than with my daughter nearly 5 years earlier.

My dh was on board but not massively helpful in practical terms, so that was quite hard.

However, here we are 16 years later and I wouldn’t change a thing!

I know someone about to have a 7 year gap, and another having IVF for a 5 year gap, at 43.

If your H really doesn’t want to, it wouldn’t be a good plan to pursue it.

Doubt your existing DC would be chuffed about the reality of a much younger sibling. The youngest would be a bit like an only child (the psychologists say, anyway).

Many women have DC in 40s and all is well, but risks of not conceiving, miscarriage and health issues for both you and the DC will be higher (DH’s age also a factor for some things).

BTW my big boys have definitely benefitted from having the little one. They love him to bits and it's made them less selfish and more if a team. Plus kept them young hearted as they both still play with him (they're 16 & 13 now and he's 6)

I had number 3 just before my 43rd birthday with an 18 year age gap. (Not planned).
It was fine until I hit 50. That is what you need to consider. Will being 50 with a seven year old and 60 with a teenager be ok for you?
I.had no idea how much difference each decade would make. My periods never came back properly after the birth, and I had an earlyish menopause at 47.
No one can really advise you, but it sounds as though you and your DH need to do some serious talking.