To want to try for another baby at 42 with a 6 year gap?

[smilinganyway]

And dh not massively keen!?

I know I am, it's selfish but I want another I've left it too late I know , we were v much one and done but now I'm having serious wobble and not sure that was the decision. I wanted..,dh thinks I am mad but I really want toconvince him it's a good idea. Our only ds is 6 , we are old I know but I really want to persuade him and try

If you worried about age its really common now. I was 41 when i had dd. My only so far. Im in the middle in the ages of my friends, oldest being 45. 6 year age gap is great. However doesnt sound like your dh is keen. Find out why.

It's not easy being the child of older parents tbh.

I now have elderly parents and a young family of my own. It's tough

That too. And D'S got lots of 'Your parents are how old?' comments.

Sure, lots of people have babies in their 40s but that's not the issue really. As pp said:

"The main issue is not your age, but the fact that your DH does not want another baby, and it is not fair to force anyone into having a child who does not want to."

And even you say you were v much one and done, so what's changed? If this is just 'a wobble' then I'd trust your previous perspective and enjoy having your life back and moving to the next stage as your DC grows. I'm hella glad to have got the baby stage out of the way in my 30s and am loving having more time for myself/DH and zero involvement in buggies, change bags and all that stuff that gives me the horrors now. Only you can know - being honest with yourself - if this is more than a wobble. But if wobble it is, then treat it as such and stick with one and enjoy your 40s with your family as it is.

Thanks for replies

Had long talk with dh and he says if it's what I really want we can try.. he just feels we are pushing our luck with age and worries about impact on our ds

Now I need to be absolutely sure I am not just having a hormonal wobble.. I don't think I am.. I think it's what I've always wanted but not been brave enough and now my hand is forced it has made me see clearly. I know it might not work

I have more than one, more than enough really, but have had the wobble at the same age as you and whilst I have let it go, I can see why you would like another; particularly when you have one. If he agrees, I would go for it, but now and I would not leave it any longer. There is a big change between having one and then two, but I think it is a very positive change.

I'm in a similar dilemma. I'm 41 and have a 4 year old . I've always wanted 2, but there was no way we could afford to have 2 preschool aged children. Now she's starting school in September, we have to make a decision. Having an age gap worries me in terms of finding activities they both enjoy and doing things together as a family. But I want DD to have a sibling. I'm torn.

I worry about the age gap too antihop and things going wrong and miscarriage and** everything else that has probably stopped me going for it before now. But now it's so final I feel like these things could be overcome.. but if I don't feel the fear and do it anyway I might spend the rest of my life regretting it

2 mums of children in dds class got pg when they were in yr 2 so 7 year gap and both older children were delighted and doted on the baby. But they then had a child starting reception and secondary school the same time. I just have dd and the thought of that makes me shudder. My life has moved on do much , no school runs and all the primary school faff. We can have nice meals out, days out in London, cinema just the two of us.

Ok so I had my last dd at 41, totally unplanned and a 14 year age gap to my next ones and 20 to the eldest. She is utterly adored by her siblings.

I hadn't even considered another child to be an option after chemo etc at 38. However we managed to break those statistics well and truly. Trust me I worried epically about the possible problems.

Life is a bit complicated but no worse than having 3 teenagers all doing different things. I will say older and wiser has made some parenting easier. You adjust and we don't regret it for a moment.

Some people fall pregnant easily at 42 but it’s not the norm. It’s about a 2-4% chance each month at that age
It really is not that low at all!

Thanks

I know chances are low..

OP there are 7 years between my two DCs and my youngest was born when I had just turned 44 - so it is possible. That said there were a series of MCs in between which was likely due to my age. It has all worked out and shouldn't be a worry.

I did it at 43 with a 10 year gap.

Both dh and I were mad keen on it though.

I too had multiple miscarriages in between prob due to egg quality and age I was told.
It’s a huge gamble.

Yes that's what I'm worried about I'm not sure I could cope with it ...

Aah still wobbling!

Your DH doesn't still doesn't sound keen though. He's basically said that he's willing to go along with it to make you happy but that's not the same as actually wanting a baby. I had my first DC at 29 yo and have just had another at 34. I can't even begin to tell you how much more tiring DH and I have both found it this time around. It's amazing the difference those few years make to your ability to cope with the sleep deprivation. The thing is, we were both desperate for another baby. I imagine that if this wasn't the case and one of us had been simply been persuaded by the other until agreeing for their sake then that would lead to a fair bit of resentment.

Yes I am definitely more keen than him Minister but he is generally pretty passive about everything including big life decisions! Not sure we would have had dc1 or even got married if it had been left to him!