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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Looking for advice and opinions on sleeping arrangements..

34 replies

Alicerose93xx · 12/12/2018 20:54

My son's dad (My ex partner) has our son stay over his house (his mums house) once or twice a month and they share a bed.. his room is a very large double which could easily fit a single bed in it. I really don't agree with this at all but my ex is so stubborn and set in his ways he does not care for my opinion. What does everyone else think about this?

OP posts:
titchy · 12/12/2018 20:55

If ds is 3 it's fine. If he's 24 a bit unusual...

Gillian1980 · 12/12/2018 20:56

How old is your son?

I don’t see an issue with it until your son reaches an age where he feels uncomfortable with it.

RayRayBidet · 12/12/2018 20:56

Depends how old the child is

curlykaren · 12/12/2018 20:57

How old is your son? My near 10yr old still jumps in with me sometimes or if we have visitors. He's comfortable with it, I don't see your problem really.

AcidPops · 12/12/2018 20:57

I co sleep with my daughter, she’s seven and a half. No one thinks it’s odd, just a pain for me xx

Original poster
Alicerose93xx · 12/12/2018 20:58

He's 5. I just find it weird. He should have his own place to sleep when he is there

OP posts:
BMOT · 12/12/2018 20:58

How old is your son and how does he feel about it ?
My 13 year old lad would more than happily share a bed if that was the only option

Holidayshopping · 12/12/2018 21:00

For only once or twice a month I wouldn’t expect your ex to put a permanent single bed in his bedroom-it would just get in the way. Sharing a double for now is fine, and maybe he could consider getting a good ready bed in the future.

MaryShelley1818 · 12/12/2018 21:01

I don’t think it matters really as long as your son is happy!
I cosleep with my DS.

Stompythedinosaur · 12/12/2018 21:02

I think it is ok at 5, but he needs a plan for when his ds doesn't want to share any more.

3out · 12/12/2018 21:02

Not an issue.

BollocksToBrexit · 12/12/2018 21:02

YABU It's fine.

arethereanyleftatall · 12/12/2018 21:03

That's absolutely fine. Why would you be worried about that?

Allthewaves · 12/12/2018 21:03

He's fine. He's only 5. My 10 year old often tries a sneaky into my bed to sprawl.

minisoksmakehardwork · 12/12/2018 21:03

Mmmmm. How many times do kids sneak into their parents beds?

Are you sure there isn't a ready bed or something but your son choose to bunk in with his dad?

I think if there is no alternative bed for your son, in any way, shape or form, then I might be concerned. Especially if there was no intention of arranging a bed for him. But it is his dad and I'll be honest, if someone commented on my children sleeping in our bed as a couple, I think I'd feel put out.

For all you, and we, know, dad might be intending on moving elsewhere and it makes sense to save as much as possible rather than spending money on a permanent bed for someone who isn't spending more than 4 nights a month (potentially) in it.

Mumshappy · 12/12/2018 21:04

I think this is fine

Original poster
Alicerose93xx · 12/12/2018 21:04

I'm not worried I just think it would be nice for him to have his own bed to sleep in.

OP posts:
arethereanyleftatall · 12/12/2018 21:05

Our ten year old is currently showing absolutely no signs of slowing down on the cuddling. She would think all her christmases had come at once if she could share a bed with one of her parents.

randomchap · 12/12/2018 21:07

Has your son expressed unhappiness at this, does he come back to you tired?

One or two nights a month seems to be quite little. Maybe if he stayed over more then your ex would be more likely to get a separate bed.

Notacluethisxmas · 12/12/2018 21:08

My 8 year old gets in my bed every night.

I get what you are saying about having the option of his own bed, but for once or twice a month, I don't think it's a big deal.

Original poster
Alicerose93xx · 12/12/2018 21:08

They have a spare room but I think his older sister has moved back into the house.
I don't think there's any plans for him to move out for a long time if you know what I mean.
My son doesn't like to do sleep he loves his room and his bed and his own space.

OP posts:
Original poster
Alicerose93xx · 12/12/2018 21:09

Co sleep not do sleep

OP posts:
Original poster
Alicerose93xx · 12/12/2018 21:10

And yes he always comes back tired and grumpy but he's non verbal so can't really express how he feels

OP posts:
TwistedChristmas · 12/12/2018 21:11

One thing that the break up of my marriage has taught me is that my children would be far happier if their dad had got his own place when he left. Instead they had to share a bed at his dad's with him on the sofa or sometimes in with him. Then he moved in with his mates and the girls shared his king size bed with him. Then he moved in with the OW and again the children were sharing beds (with OW's kids). It took him over 5 years to get them their own beds as he has only just done so. They are now 11 and 10. All they still want is for him to have a place of his own so they have their own space. Well the 11 year old would rather not see him at all but that's a different story.

Why is your ex living with his mum? He's an adult and a parent. Unless it's just temporary whilst he gets back in his feet then he needs to get himself a home of his own.

TwistedChristmas · 12/12/2018 21:12

Sorry cross post