Looking for advice and opinions on sleeping arrangements..

[Alicerose93xx]

My son's dad (My ex partner) has our son stay over his house (his mums house) once or twice a month and they share a bed.. his room is a very large double which could easily fit a single bed in it. I really don't agree with this at all but my ex is so stubborn and set in his ways he does not care for my opinion. What does everyone else think about this?

Maybe ds's dad loves having him in the bed, especially if he doesn't see him that often. DH and I both love having DC in the bed when they're poorly even though we don't get much sleep with all the wriggling.

There's possibly a bigger issue here that if your 5yo is non-verbal, do you feel comfortable at all with the care your ex provides while he is with him?

But; if your son is a creature of habit and needs his own space in order to enjoy his time with his dad effectively, then ywnbu to be concerned of the impact the sleeping arrangements are having.

Would your son manage a bunk bed because you can get the triple sleepers with a double underneath which might provide a solution without taking over the bedroom.

My ds is 8 and his dad has a one bedroom flat, he sleeps over every Saturday and they share a bed.
My ds would love to cosleep with me but he can't get into my bed coz his sister is it in!!

Yes twisted Christmas he is living with mum and step dad. He moved back in after we broke up 4 years ago and is perfectly happy living with mummy paying 40 quid a week rent.
My son is already getting to that point.. that was another question I have.. at what age can you stop forcing them to go he always says he doesn't wanna go and wants to stay with me.. not sure if he genuinely doesn't want to go or he's just saying it.

I think the sad reality is that your ex doesn't see it as worthwhile to change sleeping arrangements for the sake of a couple of nights/ month.

I think it's quite difficult to stop contact, especially as your DS is non verbal, plus you need to be 100% that he doesn't want to go before you even think about stopping contact.

FWIW, whilst there's nothing intrinsically wrong about co sleeping, my DS would absolutely hate and has refused to sleep in our bed when ill recently (accepted the first night, firmly refused the second).

@Alicerose93xx my daughters are forced to go by the courts. The courts didn't listen to them and the judge said they had to go despite many serious areas of concern raised by me, the children, and social services. Dd1 will soon be 12 so she might have a voice soon.

Your ex doesn't sound like he's doing much parenting there. Do you have a court order? Would your ex accept that your ds sometimes doesn't want to go? Could he see him during the day but not stay over? Twice a month is pitiful.

I feel for you as these situations are hard on us but awful for the children

That sounds awful twisted Christmas!! I don't know much about the courts but surely they can't physically make them.

He is truly awful. I never wants to see ds more than the bare minimum, never face times him, never asks how he is. Ds comes home hungry saying daddy not know I eat. Of course he's not abusive or anything but tbh he is just shit and so so lazy. He's absolutely horrible to co parent with so hateful towards me for absolutely no reason. Obviously I don't want to stop them from seeing eachother but why should he get to see him soon when he doesn't ask or care for him and only sees him the bare minimum.

Would he be bothered if you said DS would rather not have overnights for a while? Sadly, he might be relieved.

If you think he'd rather have DS over just to reduce maintenance, you could always offer to keep it at the current amount. Shouldn't have to, but it might save you hassle

I'm not sure sometimes he acts bothered sometimes he couldn't care less.

I'm not sure I know what that means? Didn't realise that was a thing