To ask women who left abusive partners

[bodyneverlies]

Are you happy?

Did you finally meet a dp who respects and values you? How did you meet?

I am in my early 40s, h is emotionally abusive for along time, made promises to change but nothing happened.
I still love him, he has many good qualities but I can't take his explosive anger and lack of empathy anymore. I am very depressed now. He is back to blaming me for his behaviour. I am unemployed and financially dependant on him. I will somehow build my career again. But I worry I will end up alone. I have no kids and a very small and detached family.

I was in a emotionally and phisically abusive relationship for 12 years, finally had the strength to leave, was the hardest time of my life, spent a long period in a woman refuge.

Then i met my now dp, we are getting married in 5 months, we met via online dating, hes amazing, alot of the time i honestly feel i dont deserve him, i often cant break bad habits and i worry iv done things wrong and he will be angry,
i worry he will just leave because im just not deserving of this sort of love.

i ask permission to do most things because thats what i always had to do and its hard to break a habit of a lifetime.

I wasnt ever allowed friends, now i hav many, i wasnt ever allowed out without him, now im out a few times a month for nights out.

i wasnt allowed money, now i have a joint account and can spend as i like.

My house used to have to be in pristine show home state, now if i havnt done something my dp will do it with a smile on his face and bring me tea and encourage me to put my feet up.

Most of all my dp worships me, not a day goes past where he doesnt tell my how beautiful i am, he encourages me to take time for myself.
We are 8 years in and i kept thinking the honeymoon period would end soon but maybe this is just normal life.
i am so lucky, i sometime have to pinch myself at how life is so good and different.

Thanks everyone. Your posts have given me some hope.

FeatherStrong I am glad things have worked out for you. Yes, in minority cultures, women are in far weaker positions. My abuse has been minimised with stories of what many other women had to put up with. I am the one who is considered not adjusting enough by my own family.

Popsicle really happy for you. Best wishes for your married life. Your ex sounds horrible. My h doesn't want pristine house but has criticised my house keeping in fights. His mum has perfect house keeping skills so I know where expectations come from.

To those who say they didn't care for a partner. I didn't mean looking right away. But I know I will never have kids like some of you.

I will try to get therapy. I tried in past, it didn't help me.