The way some elderly people are spoken to in hospital

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I was visiting an elderly relative in hospital last week. She's a retired headmistress, a top ranking bridge player, and an extremely capable person. Yet everytime a young staff member came near her they spoke to her as if she was about six years old:

"How are we today Joan"?
"Now, I think we should try and walk a bit today Joan"?

etc etc, all in a loud, patronising voice.

I've seen this with my own parents as well. It's undignified and demeaning, especially to a generation (in their eighties) who wouldn't be used to being addressed by their first name by strangers.

AIBU to find it annoying the way all elderly people seem to be treated as if they're in their dotage by some young hospital staff?

Well that's not right either, but what has that got to do with hospital staff being patronising to elderly patients?

Do you actually KNOW she didn't want to be called Joan? I'm a HPC and at admission people are asked. Think it's a bit out of order to decide it's assumed and that it's another failing of the NHS

Lots of posts!
Should have explained better.
I adjust my speech to the level of the patient, always have, always will do. Speak to teens as if they were adults, and severely demented patients in a more singsong tone, which they do actually respond to. Adults with no dementia issues will be spoken to the same as any other adult. I try not to shout at anyone. Always speak with respect, even when getting abuse thrown at me.
In my earlier post I was speaking only about those with severe dementia, as I work with many of them these days.
I care a heck of a lot about my patients. Wards are busy places with lots of pressure on time. People often comment on how I never rush patients and make them feel I have all the time in the world for them even when run off my feet. I'm just worried that I can appear patronising at times. As I would hate to do that.
It is not in my job description to clean soiled patients, (and it's usually those badly affected by dementia that are in this position) but I am unable to leave them in a mess when nursing staff will not be available for a good while.
Sorry if you find me offensive. Just trying to do my best for your relatives.

I think think the way people speak to carers and hospital staff is truly disgusting. I think a lot of elderly people are incredibly rude, patronising and insulting.

I agree, undercover, that it can go both ways.

Forgotten, the majority of patients do have a very low level of health literacy (and often actual literacy). Plenty of people don’t know what an orthopaedic surgeon does. Practically nobody knows what a nephrologist does. I would say that most patients I meet have no idea what tablets they are taking or why, and it isn’t for want of being told. I’m sure we do end up patronising some people, but better that than have large swathes of patients who have no idea what is going on (which used to be the case; watch some old Doctor in the House films, or visit the US).

Obviously very few patients are going to have the same level of knowledge as a specialist, so we have to dumb down to a certain extent for everyone. Usually once we get to know a patient (and know what they already know) we increase the complexity of the language appropriately. But for example in my specialty, plenty of patients have no clue what their kidneys even do, or even that they have kidney problems, let alone understand the pros and cons of treatment, when I first meet them. And then again plenty of apparently well-educated people think they know a lot more than they actually do, so we often spend a lot of time correcting misunderstandings. So we have to start from first principles - if you find out after 20mins of discussion that your patient has mixed up kidneys and livers, you have wasted those 20mins. It is usually the patients who don’t let you speak because they already know everything who have the biggest misconceptions (because they aren’t listening).

And fwiw I use Mr Smith and Mrs Jones to refer to patients, not first names. But the “Hello my name is...” campaign pushes us all to use first names. I don’t like it, I don’t think it is helpful for people to know they have seen Dr Sash when hospital administration has me down as Dr Kin, but there is a definite push from above to use first names only (I don’t care what a patient calls me to my face, but they need to know what my surname is). I think it is a bit different with nursing staff and AHPs - personal care is a dignity-stripper even in the best of circumstances, and having been a patient I would rather have my bum wiped by somebody I am on first name terms with than somebody who is impersonal and calls me Mrs Kin. Using first names at least implies some warmth.

Some staff in hospitals, shops, banks, restaurants, the library, the post office can be rude and patronising, I often get called dear, darling, mate and am a female in my 60s, It's not just the older people who are treated like this. Likewise some customers, clients and patients are exceptionally rude and patronising to staff but it seems to be part of some jobs nowadays.

I've been spoken to many times in the voice like the OP mentions. I have a condition which mimics stroke-like or meningitis-like symptoms and at the onset of new symptoms I have to go to a hospital to rule out actual stroke/meningitis as cant take the chance.

Because this can take some time (waiting on scans etc), I am usually admitted so I am a "frequent flyer" in 2 local hospitals, depends on how busy a&e is as to which the ambulance takes me.

I have been cajoled, spoken to like I have no understanding of what's happening (I do) my speech at the time is often incomprehensible and when it comes around, usually under 48 hours by which time I give the staff concerned a talking to, I put it under "educational".

That it is horrible the way some of them have treated me and why, and how they can correct this behaviour - all constructive criticism and advice.

My consultants who are most familiar with me are well aware I do this and totally go with it as they see it as educational for some staff as well. They also educate their junior Drs, AHPs etc with me and I have been asked on several occasions when not in a hospital to assist in education on communication for some staff.

How to engage properly with someone who cant speak back, tone of voice, checking communication tools if any in place, not ignoring what other trained AHPs like SALT have recommended such as putting the communication book out of my reach

Or "doing to me" esp while talking across me (eg when I am being washed as possibly paralysed in different limbs, so need the help, I am not a something in the bed to chat across, chat to me even if I can't respond, I am still a person who has many feelings), there is often shock when my speech comes back and the consultant has asked the ward sister to organise whatever staff for a quick training session. (less than 2/3mins spiel by now)

I am lucky I haven't had an actual stroke or meningitis but because it has been so symptomatic and looking like I have so many times, I need to go whether I like it or not.

I've made some enemies but I am not allowing myself to be spoken to and treated like a child and hope that by showing the other side of things and explaining how it is, it helps some who don't "get it" to understand better. I cant change the world but I can chip, chip away at what I can try and change.

As I say my consultant is supportive of this. He is big on communication, openness and transparency.

To the nurse who once tried to give me my night times meds (20+ tablets) in a medicine cup full of lactose, she really hated me and I don't care, Yes the 2 together was 1 swallow but was absolutely vile and wouldn't have happened if I could have avoided but my eyes were almost swollen shut so she pinched my nose (by reflex my mouth in surprised, opened by which she dispensed meds) I did make a complaint as that was disgusting as well as dangerous.

I have met a lot of fantastic staff who are all pushed to the brink, some who aren't and I see it as a role to speak up for those who don't have a voice for themselves or are unable to speak up for whatever reason.

Apologies that took longer to explain than it does in the short training speil

@Bluetrews25 @Sashkin and @Undercoverbanana I agree with all your points.

Thank you for the work you do each day as I know it is relentless and pressures from all sides, as I say I made it constructive and how things can be done better from the patient perspective as I know how hard it can be being the HCA (I took ill as was about to start my nursing course as a mature student and never recovered)

I do like the Hello my name is campaign - my GP is a fan however I will not call her Dr (first name), I prefer Dr Lastname as then if I need to say to someone who it is I don't have to think

I remember my dear gran who was dying in hospital (aged 95 and had all her faculties), drawing herself up to her full height of 4'11" and berating a pompous oncologist who was talking to her in a patronising tone about her prognosis like she was an idiot.
She said " You may call me Mrs X. I may be old and dying, but i am most definitely neither deaf nor stupid !" He had the grace to look chastised!
She was feisty as hell and a damn good laugh. I still miss her and our weekly chats 13 years later

I work in district nursing with mainly elderly patients, I always introduce myself and ask what they would like to be called. I always speak to them even if the family is present as I have found sometimes the family try to take over and speak on behalf of my patient. I tell them what I am visiting them for if it is someone I haven’t been to before and ask them if this is ok, keeping them involved with the whole process. I love working with this age group, they have had fascinating lives and I love hearing about them. A lot of my patients are regulars though so they always ask after my family etc and what I’ve been up to it’s really lovely

I call patients by their first name but I don't like the patronising way some hcps speak to patients, and the over use of sweetheart, darling etc.

DH and I were at hospital today and I saw a notice regarding telephone confirmation of appointments.
"If you are over 65 a call centre operator will call you during the day...if you are under 65 you'll get an automated call, probably in the evening."

So apart from the "you might be at work issue" (and since retirement age is rapidly heading towards 65 anyway, as well as the many people who elect to continue working) it assumes that anyone over 65 would be unable to cope with the automated system (which is basically confirming information by pressing 1 on your phone).

Hugely patronising. Why not ask people which system they would prefer?

I'd assume over 65s are more vulnerable and more likely to require in person assessment.
They have to draw the line somewhere.

I was recently called the equivalent of love or dear by a nurse when I had some medical tests.
I'm only 47.
It didn't sit well with me, it felt patronising, but then I didn't say anything either.

I'm sure it's with the best intentions and some people respond well, and you're probably considered a bitch if you say something.

When my mother was in hospital they asked her what she wanted to be called.

She did see one consultant over a two year period who only ever talked to me, so he'd look at me and ask a question and my mother would answer him. She was sat closer to him so than I was, he had to look past her to see me. Very rude.

It's not an assessment lweji ...just "press 1 if you are coming to your appointment next week".

I shall be 65 in a fairly few years time and dread being treated in this way, or assumptions made about my mental ability based entirely on my date of birth.

First names are more intimate and friendly I think, personally.

I think calling people, "love", "dear" or "pet" etc. is much worse!

I'm a nurse and I try to treat everyone the way I'd want to be treated myself. I've been treated in a dismissive and patronising way and it's horrible and dehumanising.

Next time I am wiping someone's bum for them as the nurses are too busy, I will try to bear this in mind.

Yes, absolutely do that.

I'm over 65 and still working full time in a responsible job, bloody hell if an hcp talked to me in a patronising tone I'd soon let them know how I feel!

@FuzzyCustard really don't think the telephone thing is worth getting worked up about.

Most like they are trying to save some much needed money by not paying call canter workers for an out of hours service.

As to asking people which service they'd prefer... Talk about making unnecessary work for people!

I've seen this with my own parents as well. It's undignified and demeaning, especially to a generation (in their eighties) who wouldn't be used to being addressed by their first name by strangers

It happened to my parents over 30 years ago. My father's staff never called him by his first name so why total strangers should I don't know.

The staff are trying to be polite using a first name, which is considered friendly and warm now.

Not to me it isn't. Not without asking first. I don't respond well to emails or phone calls from strangers when they use my first name.

I’m really surprised to hear that people are being addressed wrongly by nursing staff.
I nursed from the 80s to 2004 in about 12 hospitals.
At the top of every nursing assessment ( the main document at the front of all paperwork) right under their name was” likes to be known as”.
Has this really been removed from nursing notes? Any current nurses out there to enlighten me?

A discharge coordinator was being unduly patronising and hectoring me last week, and I lost my usual patience and said "please do not call me dear". Strangely, he stopped being patronising after that, and our next conversation, after the weekend, was constructive and almost cordial.

I've always been impressed at how well our GPs communicate with DF, who is extremely old, rather deaf, and incredibly slow in speaking. On the other hand, I expressed surprise to a receptionist that my prescription had been sent to a pharmacist when I had elected to pick up prescriptions form the surgery had not nominated a pharmacy, only to receive the response "yes it's so easy to forget when you've made a nomination, isn't it". Clearly dementia kicks in automatically with your state pension.