The way some elderly people are spoken to in hospital

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I was visiting an elderly relative in hospital last week. She's a retired headmistress, a top ranking bridge player, and an extremely capable person. Yet everytime a young staff member came near her they spoke to her as if she was about six years old:

"How are we today Joan"?
"Now, I think we should try and walk a bit today Joan"?

etc etc, all in a loud, patronising voice.

I've seen this with my own parents as well. It's undignified and demeaning, especially to a generation (in their eighties) who wouldn't be used to being addressed by their first name by strangers.

AIBU to find it annoying the way all elderly people seem to be treated as if they're in their dotage by some young hospital staff?

I would always choose to be called Mrs but dare not ask when I am in hospital or similar as to many it sounds stuffy and unfriendly and I would be afraid it would affect how I was treated. I think it is more professional to keep using Mrs/Mr and hate this pretence in many situations today that we are friends; no it is a 'business' relationship only and the falling standards I experience on a daily basis are I feel down to such practices. Yes I am old fashioned.

Bluetrews

Have you any idea how unpleasant and derogatory your post sounds?

Sorry posted twice somehow mid preview completely in error - did not me to subject you to my rant twice; I am not that much of a pain!

It's the same stupid voice some parents use when talking to their children

Place a photograph of your elderly relative taken when they were younger, preferably showing them doing something active. This will remind the healthcare worker that your relative was once active and independent and someone who deserves to be treated with respect.

bluetrews you make it sound like your patients are on some kind of conveyor belt. My dm has just been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s, I really hope she doesn’t get spoken at like this. I’ll have something to say about that!!

Also Bluetrews there are many elderly people in hospitals whose illnesses are purely physical and who are perfectly clear and lucid in their thinking and speech. Why do you seem to think it's okay to use the default position that it's best to speak to them all as if they're hard of hearing and their minds are beginning to wander?

It's horrible isn't it? And if you call someone on it, they get all offended and tell you how it doesn't matter in the great scheme of important and demanding things they are doing and they're being friendly not abusive so what on earth is the problem...

@Afternooninthepark I get what bluetrews is saying.
Sometimes carers do 24 calls in a day and yes, it is a bit of a conveyor belt
I get 20 mins to administer meds, change incontinence pads, make a drink, cook a meal, wash up, put the pots away, tidy up anything needed, make sure they're safe, write a log of everything I've done and leave

I wouldn't ever use that voice, and never have done but I couldn't tell you what half my service users worked as

I could tell you who prefers washing with hotter water, who likes talc after a shower, exactly where each pressure sore is on each person, who wants sugar in their tea, who won't eat food if it touches, who will only eat if I share their food. I even wear the same perfume for work so people with limited vision will recognise me

My mother, who has been very healthy, and perfectly lucid had to go into hospital a few years ago, on admission the nurse asked about medication, my mother said she didn't take any, the nurse asked again, my mother repeated that she wasn't on any medication , the nurse then said "No, dear what tablets has the doctor given you?" Again my mother repeated that she was on no medication, had no prescriptions as she was healthy.

The nurse than said she would check on the notes to see if there was anything on there. My mother, a bit cross by now, said that she was perfectly capable of know whether she was on medication.

The nurse, essentially, refused to believe her. I assume owing to the fact my mother was in her 70s at the time, and despite not showing any signs of confusion/ or not understanding, decided that at her age she was incapable of understanding the question.

But Ollivander that has nothing to do with treating all patients as if they should be spoken to like children, just because they're old, which is what Bluetrews seems to be saying she does.

Alan Bennett has talked about this with regards to his mum.
He said she liked it, it was a comfort.

She may have liked it FilledSoda but a lot of patients don't.

Pandoraslastchance

As professionals, we always say to clients the first time we meet them

"Call me [first name]!"

However, if they don't reciprocate, we continue to call them Mr or Mrs [Last name].

I object to medical professionals taking it upon themselves to use my first name, because they don't reciprocate and imo, its about them establishing themselves as the power figure in the relationship; when we see the use of our first name to clients as a way of establishing trust.

I work in a hospital and lots of patients are elderly. I help them settle in to bed at night, help them wash, hug them when they are scared or sad. It’s an incredibly intimate relationship caring for somebody and certainly okay to use first names. I do agree with the patronising but that’s difficult with majority of patients having hearing loss or dementia so needing loud voices and to be spoken to simply. I think it’s the tone that’s annoying. X

Bluetrews

The tone of your post and your disrespectful language made me cringe. Not nice.

Just for context my father is currently being a right shit to all the people who are trying to help him. He is shouting racist abuse, calling them illiterate and uneducated. He keeps telling everyone that he will only deal with “proper people”. He deserves to be called whatever they want to call him right now. His behaviour is disgusting. The staff are being absolutely amazing. I have no idea where they find their tolerance.

I find medical professionals patronise all of us frankly, they aim their level of communication at the lowest common denominator. I know it's a generalisation. 'Down below' particularly annoys me, as if I don't know what a vagina is. And when my son was ill a few years back they said 'bone doctor' instead of orthopaedic surgeon and 'children's doctor' instead of paediatrician.

Patients should be asked how they would like to be addressed, some might prefer their title, others their first name, others a nickname. If they are unable to say then ask a family member. Staff are rarely called by their title any more once they get to know the person and some patients and visitors are very disrespectful to staff.

I do think there's a bit of an odd assumption that older people are somehow superior to younger adults (specifically health care professionals at that) ... They are equals surely. If patients are happy calling nurses by name I'd have thought they should be happy for that to be reciprocated.

There is a very difficult / awkward dynamic between patients and those caring for them. The slightly forced jollity etc
I think is a way to overcome the awkwardness of performing personal care etc.

My late father was known by a diminutive of his middle name but in hospital he was always addressed by his full first name - which he never used. We eventually got his preferred name written in his notes.

It reminds me of the story that Dame Judi Dench who is 84, tells. An ambulance was called to her house and the paramedic said "Do we have a carer?"

Judi said "No I don't have a carer and I've just done six weeks in The Winter's Tale at the Garrick." There was a swear word involved as well, I believe.

Roobub

The patient is the client, and the person who is in a vulnerable position. Older patients also grew up at a time when it was normal to be addressed as Mr, Miss or Mrs by people you had just met.

So it is professional and courteous to check how they would like to be addressed. It has nothing to do with old people being 'superior' and everything to do with according them a bit of consideration and politeness at a vulnerable and sometimes frightening time.

I don't think many younger adults would appreciate being spoken to as if they're infants, so why is it alright to do this to elderly but lucid and mentally sharp adults?

Calling someone by their first name is hardly speaking to them like they're an infant.

Yes, the staff are providing a service for the patient. But they are highly educated and skilled professionals, some comments on here are ridiculous, and if anything are incredibly insulting to them while apparently in defence of the patients.

Many of the patients are also highly educated and skilled. No one said calling them by their first name is speaking to them like they're an infant. Some of us are saying it's discourteous to older people who are not used to that level of casual informality from people with whom they have a professional relationship.

You said in an earlier post that you didn't see anything wrong with comments like

"Well Joan, how are we today"
"Now Joan, I think we need to walk a bit today."

Those are the comments that sound patronising and infantilising.

Healthcare professionals are routinely called the wrong thing. All women seem to get called sister and all the men doctor.