Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

To cut my daughters hair off?

72 replies

Holdmydrink · 12/12/2018 13:15

DD7 wants her hair cut very short, like boy short. She had a short bob currently, and asked in the summer about having it cut off. I felt it was a bit drastic, and explained that if she suddenly changed her mind, it'd take a looong time to grow back, but that if in a few months she still wanted it, I'd have another think.

Well she's still going on about it. I asked what her reasons were for this, and the only way she can describe it, is that she "wants to feel different", she wants to stand out from other kids.

Bless her, she was trying hard to explain what she means, but it feels like big thoughts for someone so little. I told her that it's totally normal to want to feel different and find out who you are, but inside I'm worried it's a little extreme.

AIBU to put it off for longer? One part of me wants to let her, the other worries. What is she doesn't like it, what if it doesn't suit her.

A side note, we think she has OCD, though this is being investigated, but this does mean she has a lot of anxiety. Is this related, what if it causes her more anxiety as she doesn't like it

OP posts:

Thread gallery

WendyCope · 12/12/2018 13:51

Xuli that is so lovely!

Troels · 12/12/2018 13:55

Dd had long thick hair and wanted it all off. She's nearly 14 and has had it short for a year, and now she's sick of it and growing it back out. It'll take years, but it's her hair.
It's so thick it looks a mushroom blob on top of her head poor kid.

Original poster

Holdmydrink · 12/12/2018 13:57

Xuli yes, DD does like shorts for school too. She does like the tomboy look, but is also very girly.

RandomObject No hair compulsions as of yet. Though her compulsions wax and wane (I've been told this is normal as this age). One week it's about her water being poisoned, the next it's about stopping in doorways. My main worry, is just her anxiety, she worries about what people think of her, for example she wouldn't go into a party a few days ago, as she was wearing different clothes to everyone else, she was so anxious about it that it made her really panic.

WomanOfTime that's an interesting insight, perhaps she's trying control that. I hadn't thought of that side of things.

Beaverhausen and WendyCope yes, it's our issues I guess, but perhaps we don't want them to regret choices that they have to live with for a long time!

OP posts:

ladybee28 · 12/12/2018 13:58

inside I'm worried it's a little extreme.

It's not extreme. She's thought about it, she's done her best to explain her reasons, it's not a quick-passing thing, let her experiment.

If she loves it, great - if not, better she finds out at 7 than 14!

Can you pop into a wig shop, depending on where you live (department stores increasingly have wig counters these days) and let her try some on? They're unlikely to fit properly but at least she can get an idea...

jessstan2 · 12/12/2018 14:01

Bless her, let her have it cut. If she doesn't like it, it will grow back eventually.

Iwanttobeanonymous · 12/12/2018 14:01

Seconding telling her to a decent hairdresser. And buy her a pretty hat or two it's going to be cold!!

Añ friend of my son has gone from long hair to a very short pixie cut. I don't know who did it for her but it looks like she has hacked it herself (maybe she has, they're teens). But she seems to like it and that's the main thing, I guess.
(And no, I wouldn't tell her what I think of it(.

AndItStillSaidFourOfTwo · 12/12/2018 14:02

It's her hair!

I don't understand why so many PPs are suggesting 'compromises'. What, exactly, do you think will happen to this girl if she gets her wish? I don't understand this emotional investment of mothers in their daughters' hair, and I can't imagine it's good for the daughters. (I have one, she's three and has what I suppose is a bob).

Think for a moment about the mesage you would like your dd to get - the message I am sure you are verbally giving her - about her bodily autonomy. Let your actions match your words. It's hair, it will grow back, it's nothing outlandish she is asking for (even if current culture suggests otherwise).

MilkTrayLimeBarrel · 12/12/2018 14:04

I think she just wants to be different! It seems that every single little girl you see, and teenagers come to that, has exactly the same long, straight hair. Nice that she wants to be a bit more individual.

JennieP77 · 12/12/2018 14:04

Absolutely let her do it! If you'd have done it when she first asked and she didn't like it she'd have probably grown it out by now anyway. That's the great thing about hair isn't it, it will always grow back. It's like telling someone they can only wear black jeans, not blue. There is no logical reason for saying no just that perhaps you would like her to keep it longer. I think letting kids experiment with their own style makes rebelling later less attractive. Post a pic if she does have it cut, would be lovely to see her x

MrsBartlettforthewin · 12/12/2018 14:04

Let her do it. I'm having the reverse with DD 9. I would love to cut her hair super short but she wants to keep it to her bum long. It is big and wild but she loves it and it makes her happy. Hair will grow back quicker then you think if she doesn't like it.

TheKitchenWitch · 12/12/2018 14:04

How has it become the norm for girls to have really long hair and cutting it to be some sort of daring, extreme thing to do?

Yes of course let her cut it. If she's old enough to have an opinion on it, then she's old enough to choose her own haircut.

JupiterDrops · 12/12/2018 14:05

Its not 'boy short', it's just 'short'

Original poster

Holdmydrink · 12/12/2018 14:07

SootSprite Thank you. I do know that it grows back. No need for sarcasm.

ladybee28 I didn't say it was extreme, just a little extreme, which it is for a 7 year old. You don't see many 7 year old girls with that length of hair, so comparatively speaking, it is a bold move.

I'm probably more worried about her motivations. She loves having her done done, she likes pretty things, she is sometimes quite tomboyish, but I think as I'm a tomboy she often says things to try and please me, like just yesterday saying she doesn't like the colour pink. I know she does, and I remind her that its okay to like pink.

In summer we just moved to a new house in a new part of the country, while having issues with her OCD which have been very stressful, it does sound like she's trying to have control over something, as WomanOfTime suggested.

OP posts:

Namestheyareachangin · 12/12/2018 14:08

Let her try it. There's too much pressure on girls to 'look nice' - who cares if it doesn't look nice? She's 7. I think it's great she wants to look different from others, although that contrasts with what you were saying about her getting anxious re party clothes.

Might be worth a discussion first about how other people sometimes don't like things that are different but the important thing is that SHE likes her hair and her clothes and herself (and that hair and clothes can always be changed if she stops liking them!).

She sounds like a very deep well for such a little girl - that will be a curse and a blessing for her, and for you. I hope she likes her hair cut!

strawberrypenguin · 12/12/2018 14:09

I'd let her. Talk it through with a decent hairdresser and they should be able to do something that will suit her. It will grow back if she hates it

Original poster

Holdmydrink · 12/12/2018 14:10

JupiterDrops The reason I said boy short, as when I say short, referring to a girl, most would assume bob cut, it was a way for me to be descriptive. I could have said 'pixie' if I'd thought of that first.

OP posts:

Fairenuff · 12/12/2018 14:12

Let her do it. I think this is more about you OP, than her. You seem to have some anxiety over short hair for a girl. It's just hair. It will grow back.

CmdrIvanova · 12/12/2018 14:13

If she likes girly things, maybe get a few sparkly clips and hairbands to go with it? There's a few cute photos on Pinterest.

flumpybear · 12/12/2018 14:14

Perhaps do a Pinterest page with ideas as to what she wants and take it from there.

I take it there's no underlying issue like bullying etc?? Eg So she wants to change herself because of this potential other problem??

Original poster

Holdmydrink · 12/12/2018 14:14

Namestheyareachangin that's lovely advice, thank you for taking that time to read my posts.

It's a concern that she cares so deeply about what others think of her, which will cause problems if she gets teased for it. Her anxiety will go through the roof, and after having so many issues getting her into school last year for a good 6 months (OCD related anxiety), I'm worried about that happening again.

OP posts:

flumpybear · 12/12/2018 14:16

X-post about the possibility of a problem -sorry

Sitranced · 12/12/2018 14:17

Let her get it cut, its her hair and it'll grow back. Its not as if she's asked for a tattoo.

Original poster

Holdmydrink · 12/12/2018 14:23

Thanks for all the input from those who read each of my posts.

Am I anxious? Well, yes, because as an adult I can see the bigger picture and outcomes related to her anxieties, that she can't see. That's okay, surely? I'm a tomboy, I see no issues with short hair, but at an age where most girls have longer hair, past the toddler stage, but not at the teenager stage, it is a bold move. Walk down the street and tell me how many 7-10 year olds have pixie cuts? I know none.

To those who have taken the time to read my posts and provide some lovely and sensible solutions, thank you. I'm going to chat to her tonight, we'll have a look at pinterest and get her booked into a hairdresser.

JennieP77 will do!

OP posts:

Namestheyareachangin · 12/12/2018 14:23

@Holdmydrink totally understand your concern. I think some may have missed the OCD/anxiety angle and think this is just another thread about not wanting a daughter to cut her princess hair! The issue here isn't the hair so much as how she might react to how others might react, and it's not as simple as a 'learning experience' or an opportunity to 'learn resilience' if you've got an existing mental health problem.

I do think though it is so important for girls to have physical autonomy as far as possible. The psychological message that their bodies aren't for their use but others' consumption is everywhere, and to be told she shouldn't get the cut she has wanted for some time because others won't like it (even though that is with a view to protecting her from her own vulnerabilities and totally understandable!) feeds into that message.

It's a toughie though, no question. Don't envy you having to square that circle and figure out the least worst option!

NeedSomeTimeInTheSunshiiine · 12/12/2018 14:24

I'd absolutely let her do it... if she's been thinking about it a while and already has pretty short hair anyway, why not? Why not use a photo app, or try on some short wigs with her if she wants to see how it looks, but I'd still let her. I think it sends a good message about bodily autonomy, and being comfortable in herself. I wouldn't consider whether it suits her, whether she looks pretty or girly etc., as I think far too much emphasis is put on this for girls - she's only 7!

Xuli - that is gorgeous.

Flip

1 2 3