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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want my 11 week old to have chicken pox?

62 replies

LLOE7 · 12/12/2018 12:03

Hello,
My dnephew has chicken pox. BIL and SIL live a few hours away from us and the rest of the in laws and have come up this week and are staying with mil for a visit before Christmas as dn obviously can't go to school. AIBU to say I do not want to visit with them this time as I do not want my 11 week old baby coming down with chicken pox, especially this close to Christmas? Mil keeps saying how it's best for them to get it young and it's not fair for me to keep baby away as they've only seen her once and dn will be so upset to not see her 🙄 (he's 6 and says baby's are boring).
My dh is on my side.

OP posts:
Schmoobarb · 12/12/2018 12:29

Sorry saw it’s now and not over Christmas
YANBU

ForgivenessIsDivine · 12/12/2018 12:29

Firstly, I would not want an 11 week old to be exposed to any virus unnecessarily so I would avoid children with chicken pox if I could, even if it were family.

To correct a few points on this thread. Neonatal chicken pox is serious and usually occurs when the infant is exposed to chicken pox in the womb or in the first 7 days after birth. Once this period had passed, chickenpox is usually a mild disease in babies. (Having said that, there is a risk of complications so I would avoid if I had the option.)

Usually, maternal immunity is transferred to the baby and infection in the first year is unlikely and if it does happen (and it does!!), it is very likely to be mild if the mother was immune. However, it is difficult to determine if the mother is immune or if that immunity is passed on or if it has already weakened in the baby by 11 weeks. It is also statistically likely that if a child gets chicken pox in the first year of life that they get it again at some point in the future.

Vaccination is recommended at the age of 12 months so an 11 week old cannot be vaccinated and while sometimes vaccination is given after exposure, it takes between 4 to 6 weeks to develop the antibodies so not appropriate in this case for several reasons.

zzzzz · 12/12/2018 12:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Petitprince · 12/12/2018 12:30

Keep your child away and then get the vaccination at 12 months so they never need to have it. It's painful and unpleasant - who would choose to put their child through that?

Imoverthinkingit · 12/12/2018 12:39

YANBU. There is no way I would purposely expose a small baby to CP. There’s a higher risk of complications. Maybe tell MIL to do some research online regarding CP and babies. Send some photos or videos of baby for DN.

Original poster
LLOE7 · 12/12/2018 12:48

Thank you everyone- so relieved from the responses, mil was starting to make me feel like a hysterical over protective mum! I have a ds who is 3 and has had chicken pox, would it be safe for him to go and see dn and then come back home to dd? I assume as he's had them before it's okay?

OP posts:
OutPinked · 12/12/2018 12:51

No way, don’t do it. Mine avoided it until they went to primary school so I think were 4, 5 and 7. Inevitably all got it around the same time and it was a hellish week or so. I would not wish that on such a young baby and it also sounds pretty dangerous tbh.

Haworthia · 12/12/2018 12:56

Far, far too long to have something as nasty as chicken pox. If exposure happens accidentally then so be it, but no way would I knowingly expose a tiny baby.

I’ve also heard that it’s best NOT to catch it under the age of one, because a child is less likely to develop immunity. Anecdotally, I know twins who cad chicken pox as babies and then two more times... each.

MIL and her cavalier attitude can GTF, frankly.

xJessica · 12/12/2018 12:56

YADNBU. Someone at my daughter's school had it a few weeks ago. Her mum took her to a christmas fair the day she started with it. The place was packed out. She returned to school on day 4, before all the spots were scabbed over, because she didn't want to miss a trip that day. No wonder half the school now has it Angry

Haworthia · 12/12/2018 12:57

Too young, not too long!

ghostsandghoulies · 12/12/2018 13:03

My kids had it young but they were 3-6 years old which was fine.
Stand your ground OP.

AnotherPidgey · 12/12/2018 13:04

DS1 (2) got it when DS2 was 7 weeks. We had our 8 week health checks and I was told DS2 should have some immunity from birth/ BFing... his spots came out at 9 weeks. Fortunately mildly and with little distress, but I have always wondered whether that was enough to develop his immunity or not.

I wouldn't knowingly place a baby or child in company that makes it likely to catch it because there is a risk of complications.

CottonSock · 12/12/2018 13:05

No way. I'd really recommend the vaccine if you can afford it

LIZS · 12/12/2018 13:14

Ask dh to take the toddler over . They won't pass it on.

cadburysflake · 12/12/2018 13:17

I'd keep away both your 11 week old and toddler. It's dangerous for the baby and I've heard you can actually get it more than once. Why risk making your children ill over christmas? I'd be keeping away even if it was just a very bad cold they had. You'd end up ruining Christmas.

I say this as my inlaws invited us over the week before half term (my husband is a teacher) when we arrived they were both clearly very ill with colds, they then proceeded to kiss blow raspberries etc in my children's faces. We had a lovely week off together planned with our 2 toddlers which was ruined as our 2 children were ill and couldn't move off the sofa. All because the in laws wanted to see our children!!! I was furious!!!

Keep away and have a lovely Christmas.

HoppingPavlova · 12/12/2018 13:19

WTAF is wrong with people in this worldAngry. It is not ideal for anyone to get chicken pox. That’s why there is vaccination. Unfortunately your baby is too young. It’s your job to protect your baby until they are old enough to be vaccinated. Ideally everyone who is able would be vaccinated so the young or those unable to have it for valid reasons (not crackpot ones) are protected by herd immunity. But, you know people are complete fuckwits so this doesn’t work unfortunately.

EndOfAllMyTethers · 12/12/2018 14:28

Please don't go. A friend nearly lost her toddler thanks to CP. She never worried for a single moment about him having it but it quickly turned bad and he ended up on life support.
He was (and thankfully is again) a completely healthy child with no underlying health issues.

agnurse · 12/12/2018 14:47

YANBU.

Not only could it be VERY dangerous for a baby that young, but if you get it prior to age 1 you often can't mount a sufficient immune response to confer lasting immunity. This means DC could get it AGAIN in the future.

You're correct in that there is a vaccine and it can normally only be given after age 1. It's a live vaccine, so we have to wait as live vaccines don't usually work in children under 12 months of age.

bellabasset · 12/12/2018 14:48

I was very ill with it in my early 20's. So I would definitely not want to risk a very young baby catching it.

I would just check with your HV about your DS visiting his cousin.

jessstan2 · 12/12/2018 14:50

Not unreasonable, no-one wants a young baby to have chicken pox but would your nephew not be past the infectious stage by now?

Blondebakingmumma · 12/12/2018 15:04

MIL is being selfish and U

Blondebakingmumma · 12/12/2018 15:04

U- unreasonable

agnurse · 12/12/2018 15:35

As far as infection risk - he will be contagious until ALL of the CP lesions have scabbed over. The lesions contain fluid that has chickenpox virus in it. It's only when that fluid dries and they scab over that he's no longer infectious.

minisoksmakehardwork · 12/12/2018 16:41

Yanbu. My eldest son brought it home from preschool when he was 2.5. 13 days later his nearly 6 month old twin siblings and 4.5 year old big sister all came down with it. Thankfully twin dd wasn't hospitalised but she really was quite poorly with it. We had several drs and a&e trips with her during the poxy period.

Your mil and family are being irresponsible st best to be saying it's fine for a 3 month old to knowingly be in contact with a poxy child.

They won't be the ones dealing with a poorly baby who doesn't understand why they feel unwell. It was bad enough explaining it to the 2.5 and 4.5 year old.

I am interested in the 12 months cut off though. I was told 6 months so as mine were 6 months nearly it was likely they wouldn't get it again in future because they would have built some immunity and also they would have that immune response to shingles too. I do however know that isn't a hard and fast rule as a friends older child has had pox 3 times now. It just means I might question spots a bit more if they do appear.

BlitheringIdiots · 12/12/2018 16:55

As soon as he can have the vaccine let him have it. We waited til our DS was 12 before giving him the vaccine as he hadn't caught it. We've spent years wondering if this is the time he is going to catch it. I didn't catch it til I was an adult myself. It's such a relief now to know the chances of him catching it are almost zero. Was best £100 we've spent

I believe the vaccine works immediately but wonder if your child's age is too young to have the jab? I

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