To go back to work at 12weeks pp to get away from my baby

[meetthecreature]

I know IABU and I hate myself for thinking this way. I have a beautiful 6 week old DS and a 4yo. I have PND and am on the waiting list for support.

I had 2 hours (broken) sleep last night. DS has screamed all morning. DH is lovely and supportive but is out of the house at work from 7am until 7pm/8pm five days a week. I spend all day on my own with the baby and only really leave the house to do the school run for older DC. Our evenings are spent taking it in turns to pace around with or rock DS while he screams. I feel as though there is no enjoyment in my life and nothing to look forward to.

I love my children. I really do. They were both very much planned and wanted. But right now I want to get in my car, drive as far away as possible and never come back. I won't, obviously. But I want to.

We had planned for me to have 9months off work but I am now seriously considering going back when DS is 3 months old just to get a break from the relentless screaming, feeding, changing, winding cycle and because I am desperate to feel like myself again. Work is stressful and demanding but at least I know who I am at work. I don't recognise this new person who sits glued to the sofa all day and gets anxious to the point of tears about something as trivial as a trip to the supermarket. But then what if I can't cope at work and it makes things worse?

Thank you for reading. I don't really know what I'm looking for from posting this. I just want it to stop.

I’ve reported penisbeakers comment.

We used Cow and Gate Carobel to thicken DS's feeds when he had very severe silent reflux - it made an amazing difference and didnt' constipate him, which Gaviscon did. It's available OTC and cheap, so would be easy to try, and you can tell the first time you use it whether it's helpful.

You're not alone in finding it brutally difficult, though. I had (untreated for a long time) PND very little support and was utterly miserable. Don't dismiss antidespressants based on side effects from one type; your GP should be willing to try different ones till you find the one that works for you.

Penisbeakerfan1 is the most obvious GF ever - they've picked up on a phrase that people use to "prove" they've been on MN for a while to use as a name and are just making silly goady comments on loads of threads.

I felt exactly the same. Treatment for my PND helped immensely and now my daughter is 10 months and I'm dreading going back to work because I love maternity leave so much! Nothing wrong with going back early if that's what you want to do but I'd say wait until your PND is under control before you make any big decisions - you may find you feel very differently. Love to you - it's SO hard but it does get better, I promise.

Also I hated antidepressants any time I took them before PND but they changed my life this time around. They worked so well and so quickly!

I went back to work when my son was 16 weeks old. I don't think I had PND and DS wasn't a really high maintenance baby but I just hated it.

I just starting crying one day during a HV visit and she was lovely - really made me feel okay about going back to work. I spoke to HR and got a temporary 3 day per week return to work deal and enrolled DS in a nursery about 5 minutes walk from my office. I could visit at lunchtime to breastfeed him (he was mixed feeding by then). I really feel that that saved my sanity. I could afford to pay the bills again (so that worry lifted) and I started to enjoy the time I had with DS instead of dread it. We both thrived as a result.

for you OP

Have you tried Infacol with his feeds? May help with the hiccups.

all of my babies had reflux (stemming from dairy intolerance). It sounds very similar to me - the endless evenings crying.

You could try infant gaviscon and see if that makes a difference? Change of formula could also make a difference.

Otherwise I found that putting the baby in a sling all evening helped.

Sorry you're going through this OP - the lack of sleep makes everything unbearable.

This is really not an uncommon way to feel & I do think crying seems to be at its worst at this age. Definitely get as much help as you can from friends/family and your GP. Don't feel bad if you decide to go back to work. I can't wait to go back. I have found that this type of inconsolable crying is usually either illness (little babies are battling viruses non stop) or extreme overtiredness - in which case a good walk in fresh air will do you both good. It might help the crying. If it doesn't - stick your headphones in and listen to your favourite music at full volume whilst reminding yourself that you are doing the best anyone can do for this baby and This Too Shall Pass.

Oh yes infacol! Funny what u forget. Used it with every feed witj my daughter up to around 5 months old. Makes a world of difference.

Oh op, your situation is so familiar. I lost my mind with no sleep and endless crying with my eldest. Colief helped a lot. Everyone thought I had PND but once I had sleep I was fine.

Infacol has been clinically proven by Infacol themselves to be slightly less effective than the placebo they tested it against.

Placebo is however fantastically effective for colic...so there's that...

I know this because I looked up their original research paper and wrote the advertising standards agency about them. It took YEARS to resolve and in the end the ASA said we don;t think they should be allowed to advertise, or have a the right to market infacol as a medicine, but because they DO have that right according to some other regulatory body, we have to let them advertise within the bounds of their licence (even though we know their product doesn't actually work).

Ds would spent hrs crying. I tried everything. You need to get out a lot easier said then done I know but even if dc spends the whole time crying you won’t be stuck in the house. I found a group which was really good and supportive it took some time to find but try and find a group. Lastly Forgive this but it’s ok to not like your baby sometimes and wish they would just stfu it’s only human!

Can mum sleep in your 4 year olds bed and put him on an air bed?

I've been where you are now.

What helped:
Gripe water.
Dummy. Persevere with it.
Sling.
Baby groups. They kept me sane.

You are literally being tortured at the moment. There would be something wrong with you if you weren't depressed, in my opinion.

Sounds like silent reflux to me... both my DC had it. My DD didn’t get diagnosed until 8 weeks and I was on my knees and almost hallucinating by then due to sleep deprivation. My GPS refused to acknowledge/diagnose and one told I “needed to adjust my expectations” (stupid cow)
In desperation we went to A&E when she wouldn’t stop crying and we’re sent to the paediatric assessment unit who immediately diagnosed silent reflux and cows milk protein allergy. Started on omeprazole and strict exclusion diet (BF) and things got much much better quickly.

With DS his symptoms stared around 2 weeks old with the silent reflux but I spotted it straight away and basically refused to leave the GPs until they prescribed something!! He settled much more quickly on omeprazole and things have been sooooooo much easier this time round.

Don’t let the Drs fob you off!!

Does any of this sound familiar....??

www.reflux.org.au/information/common-characteristics-of-reflux/

Contact CRY-SIS helpline to talk to others who have been in that situation

www.cry-sis.org.uk/resources-and-helpline#comp-j6ot7a5l

M3lon I'm sorry but that's just nonsense you've sprouted there. Unless a tiny baby is savvy enough to know to quiet down by a placebo than that's nonsense.

I forgot about gripe water too! So good and really does work.

I sympathise. Fully, fully sympathise. Sleep deprivation is used as a form of torture for a reason. I still get woken in the night by my kids but to the levels of horrificness it used to be. I've only just started to love being their mum too (5.5years down the line). PND is horrible. I wish, really wish, I"d gone for help for it without trying to shoulder it all on my own, maybe I would've felt better earlier. I hope you are able to get the help you need OP xx

*but not to

and (1) .

Lots of us will know how you feel but maybe didn't want to admit it.

Pay for a private ped appointment. It will be the best money you ever spend. Something is wrong with the baby and your instincts know it. The baby is in pain from the sounds of it. They don't just cry. My first had silent reflux and it was utter hell. You have nothing to lose by trying formula for reflux (you need a prescription) and ranitidine. Ranitidine is VERY weight dependent and needs the dose adjusting every few weeks. It really will get better.

Have you any friends nearby? I mean I don't have DC but if you asked me I would go toa baby group with you or go for a walk with baby while you slept! Nobody ever asks me because I don't have children but handily I am not only DBS/CRB checked I'm also fully basic life support and first aid trained so maybe if it's even someone who doesn't have children?

Sleep deprivation is literally torture. I'd be very surprised if you were in a good place mentally while going through this. Can you have a break? A day and night to yourself? If baby is going to cry anyway can DH manage for that time?
I'd also talk to your doctor about the screaming all evening. Generally babies will tire so if he continues I'd say something is bugging him. He may have reflux or something else.
You will get through this though. I know it's so shit right now, but it does get better. Don't put pressure on yourself to be doing anything unnecessary or that you don't want to do. And speak to your friends, you'd be surprised how much they'd want to help. My closest friends baby used to do similar and I've literally walked into her house and taken the baby home for a couple of hours so she could rest/wash/eat. She's 2 now and has slept through since about 6 months and is a wonderful little girl.
I hope you get some relief soon