To go back to work at 12weeks pp to get away from my baby

[meetthecreature]

I know IABU and I hate myself for thinking this way. I have a beautiful 6 week old DS and a 4yo. I have PND and am on the waiting list for support.

I had 2 hours (broken) sleep last night. DS has screamed all morning. DH is lovely and supportive but is out of the house at work from 7am until 7pm/8pm five days a week. I spend all day on my own with the baby and only really leave the house to do the school run for older DC. Our evenings are spent taking it in turns to pace around with or rock DS while he screams. I feel as though there is no enjoyment in my life and nothing to look forward to.

I love my children. I really do. They were both very much planned and wanted. But right now I want to get in my car, drive as far away as possible and never come back. I won't, obviously. But I want to.

We had planned for me to have 9months off work but I am now seriously considering going back when DS is 3 months old just to get a break from the relentless screaming, feeding, changing, winding cycle and because I am desperate to feel like myself again. Work is stressful and demanding but at least I know who I am at work. I don't recognise this new person who sits glued to the sofa all day and gets anxious to the point of tears about something as trivial as a trip to the supermarket. But then what if I can't cope at work and it makes things worse?

Thank you for reading. I don't really know what I'm looking for from posting this. I just want it to stop.

We struggled with DD1. She had colic and would cry from around 12 midday until 11-12 pm.
I went back to work part time at 6 weeks. I would hand screaming child to DH at 5.45pm and I would go to work until midnight. I would return to a baby settling to sleep with some hiccups in her cot.
Never diagnosed with PND but looking back, highly likely.
Lived 9 hours from family so it was just us.
This saved me, and probably her.
Baby nurse said to go out each day as I would not lose it in public!
She was right
Good luck

I get you OP.

I hated, absolutely hated my first maternity leave with a crying, winging baby that couldn't be put down for 4 months. I loved him dearly but he was awful, and he never slept through the night until he was four (years not months). I went back to work, out of financial necessity at 18 weeks but I was so happy to have a proper routine, adult conversation and a break from the relentlessness of being a mother of a difficult baby.

DH also worked away for a week at a time so I got zero breaks.

My MH improved immediately once I was back at work.

You’ve made it sound bad in your title but I actually think it’s pretty sensible if you have a demanding baby and you feel you could do with a break for your mh. You would likely be more able to deal with the crying if it wasn’t all day as well.
I do sympathise because my first born was the same for the first 6 months - absolute constant crying and night waking. If she wasn’t being sung to or rocked and held she would be screaming.
If it’s any consolation she’s in high school now and has been the easiest toddler and child - extremely intelligent, kind and popular and has never caused me any bother behaviour wise. My other dc who was the kind of baby who would happily coo on their playmat for hours has Sen and has been a much more challenging child!
Hang in there any way you can for now is my advice and don’t question doing whatever you need to do to make life that little bit easier.

I could have written this exact post 3 years ago. I remember sobbing to my OH that I just HAD to go back to work because I couldn’t bare being at home any longer with a screaming baby.

Just wanted to let you know that you are not alone and it is insanely hard work (especially when you have a little one who is unsettled and you are getting no sleep). I’m sure my DD did have colic but we tried absolutely everything and nothing really worked apart from time. It was very slow but I remember noticing a big difference by around 5 months and then at 6 months I really felt that I had come through the worst.

Don’t beat yourself up. You’re doing amazing . It will get easier. He won’t always cry so much, he won’t always sleep so little. But do what you have to do, if that’s going back to work earlier than planned then so be it!

Oh I completely sympathise. It's total hell! My ds used to cry for about 18 hours a day! If he was awake he was crying. I felt like I was having a breakdown but no one could understand how hard it was until they actually live it! I would be in tears on the phone to the doctors begging for help.
A few people suggested pnd to me, but in all honestly who wouldn't go crazy with a baby that was that demanding.
Be kind to yourself, get as much help as you can, go to baby groups and see other people in the same situation and keep on at the doctors (my ds had cows milk intolerance which took ages to diagnose).
It does get easier.

Hi OP, your situation sounds very similar to my own. I've a 6mo and a 5yo, just started school. This ML has been the hardest few months of my entire life. Baby just won't ever sleep. I've lost count of the number of times I've wanted to run away, used to fantasise about it.

I too wanted to go back to work and got in touch with them about it. They saw through it though and talked me round (boss used to be a health visitor) Glad they did tbh. If nothing else I'd have crashed the car throug sleep deprivation.

Have you been in touch with your HV? Mine has been very supportive. We have regular visits, I think to check we're still alive/I've not left him under a bush.

He's 6mo now and it is getting easier. Slowly. He's a fabulous little thing, which helps.

You can do this.

We were given ranitidine but there are other steps you can try first. Anti reflux milk and baby gaviscon may help if that’s what it is. I found the HV much more helpful than the GP initially with this so could be worth contacting them too. Have a google as there’s loads of advice for helping them sleep etc when they’ve got silent reflux.

Could your mum come and stay for a bit? Might be easier on her back that doing it all in a day. Even if she can’t do much physically it sounds like you’d benefit from some supportive company. Hope your appointment next week goes well.

Bless you op I have nothing much to add apart from a big hug and second pp's mentioning cmpa - but you may need a private paediatric referral to get it diagnosed if your gp and hv are having none of it.

Also you can do this and dc's are lucky to have such a lovely caring dm xxxxx

It's so hard to differentiate if it's just colic and that's their scream time or if it is something else.took me 4 months to get my baby diagnosed with silent reflux. It was hell, think the GP thought I was crackers but the health visitors were good and I finally got sorted. Check out symptoms of silent reflux online just so you can rule that out too!!
Hope you get your support through soon hun and get that little screamer sorted! X

Could your mum come and stay for a bit?

We don't have a spare room unfortunately and I don't think sleeping on the sofa would so her recovery much good.

I have no words of advice for why DS is crying all the time but 💐💐

Just remember it will get better eventually (I have been there and come out the other side) it can be a dark lonely place I know 😩 to be honest I took myself off on a two week holiday abroad (to visit a cousin in the ☀️) when I hit my peak of PND (no joke) it was THE BEST THING I have ever done for myself and hubby coped just fine (they all did) I’m not saying to do that but I ££ allows it why not book yourself into a spa hotel for a night and let the world fizzle away!! You will come back so refreshed! ❤️

Just wanted to say my dd had silent reflux and I didn't have a clue what was going on because we'd had no problems with ds. She didn't really have the symptoms for the first 6 weeks but I knew something was wrong and she was in pain.

Eventually got ranitidine and she was like a different baby. I had to fight to be listened to so don't be afraid to be forceful if you're concerned. The doctors/midwives/health visitors aren't the ones there dealing with your screaming baby on 2 hours broken sleep.

My DD had Colic around week 4 so I swapped her to Anti colic milk with Dr brown bottles and her evening crying stopped after 2 days. She was like a different baby! Big hung OP x

Hug! X

where do you live op? might be able to get you some help xx

It could be over stimulation. We had tremendous issues with DD at the same age that we resolved in the most part by:

Never wearing bright colours or patterns while feeding
Keeping everything very low lit and quiet
Not trying to play with her at all until she was a bit older.
Having a very low stimulation sleeping environment for her

Some babies just aren't ready for the bright exciting world and need to stay in womb-like environments a bit longer.

I went back to work three days a week when DS1 was 16 weeks old and he went to nursery. We had zero family help, and although DS was a good sleeper by then (after I stopped bf) I too felt I needed to 'get away'. I felt 1000% better for doing so. It was the only break we got. DS2 went to nursery at 20 weeks. They were good babies and I don't think I had PND but Just found found 24/7 childcare isolating, frustrating and somewhat boring. Now teens, they seem none the worse. I hope things get better for you.

There is a support thread on the Parenting forum for people whose babies cry a lot, www.mumsnet.com/Talk/parenting/3398261-Parents-of-Criers-Support-Thread-Respite-from-the-Screaming
I hope things get better for you soon, it's a long time since mine were babies but I remember the despair I felt with Dd, looking back, it was to do with untreated PND

You can by baby gaviscon sachets from most supermarkets and pharmacys (just put it in his bottle) it helped my DD massively when she had silent reflux. You could try that and see if it helps. It's horrible when they are upset and you are sleep deprived

Penisbeakerfan1 can do one. What a horrible and untrue comment.

OP hold on. Things will change, this is not forever.

I doing to work would feel positive then why not? It’s worth looking at all options for you as a family.

Do what you can to treat yourself kindly x

Penisbeaker is clearly a troll so just ignore.