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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Rude teacher

127 replies

camelephantpink · 11/12/2018 21:00

This morning I dropped my daughter off at school. She goes to breakfast club and so is there early. I was also there with my young son. My daughter is 7 and very eager to please. Her teacher came out of the door as we were coming in and she flounced past without making any eye contact with my daughter and without saying 'hello' or 'good morning'. She saw us but actually made an effort not to acknowledge us. I asked my daughter why she hadn't said hello and she said 'mum that is what she is like'. I mentioned it to my husband and he says that she regularly does it to him when he drops her off. We can both forgive her for ignoring us (although it takes no time to smile really) but on reflection, I think its really mean to ignore your 7 year old pupil. Am I over reacting?

OP posts:
Travisandthemonkey · 11/12/2018 22:53

Op I think your PB has serious issues. I would speak to your GP
person doesn’t smile at child: child is devastated
Good one

AutumnGrace · 11/12/2018 23:06

It's rude. I actually can't believe how understanding people are! Yes prep time before school is precious but are we actually at a point in life where we can't smile and greet our students/parents with a simple hello? It takes thirty seconds. Your daughters reaction to this is sad, makes it sound like students are resigned to fact teacher is approachable.

BoneyBackJefferson · 11/12/2018 23:09

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Tribblesarelovely · 11/12/2018 23:12

She was very rude. Tiredness is no excuse.

GloomyMonday · 11/12/2018 23:13

I've already been on to say that I do this all the time. It's not rude if it isn't intentional. I promise I'm a good teacher and love the pupils in my class. I live and breathe my job at the moment, and wouldn't want to upset a child or a parent. But I do it unintentionally, I can't help it. If I'm thinking about something, everything around me is invisible.

I doubt she thought 'there's one of my pupils, I cba smiling and couldn't care less if I upset them.' Why are people so quick to assume the worst in people?

Incidentally, my colleague was given the news last week that her ds has cancer. I doubt she was smiling that day. If she's kind during her teaching day just let it go.

FamilyOfAliens · 11/12/2018 23:26

It destroys the relationship, and makes future interactions difficult.

Seriously? Someone not smiling at you has such a catastrophic impact? How on earth do you cope when serious shit happens?

cantkeepawayforever · 11/12/2018 23:30

Honestly, the hundreds of interactions i have with each child daily within the classroom, during school hours do tend to have a much greater effect on the relationship and future interactions than the fact I don't necessarily smile and interact if I meet pupils or their families outside the working day.

If she is an unpleasant, cruel, rude person throughout the school day, t the children she is teaching all day, then that is something worth complaining about.

If she doesn't smile at someone on a single occasion when she is off duty, genuinely not worth giving a second thought to it

Mookie81 · 11/12/2018 23:36

You say your daughter is 'eager to please'; in teacher speak that means she probably hears 'Miss/Mrs Surname' from your daughter every 5 bloody minutes and couldn't bear it outside of school time!
Fellow teachers you know what I mean Xmas Grin

Nanny0gg · 11/12/2018 23:45

I find this very difficult, especially if i am with my own children - would you regard the teacher as rude if she didn't say good morning if you met her (equally off duty, as she is off duty in school before school starts) in Tesco?

Yes. I always managed it. I still do if I see a former pupil out somewhere.

Would you think the same about your doctor? Dentist? Plumber?

Yep.

I don't expect anyone I know in their 'professional' capacity to interact with me or my children outside their strict professional roles?

Why? They are an acquaintance. I don't see the harm in greeting an acquaintance.

Sleepyblueocean · 12/12/2018 00:00

"I asked my daughter why she hadn't said hello"

Why would you ask that.

WhyDontYouComeOnOver · 12/12/2018 00:03

Fellow teachers you know what I mean

No I don't. I think your comment is awful. Is that really how you feel about little children?

tillytrotter1 · 12/12/2018 00:15

I once didn't recognise my own brother in an end-of-term haze, she may not even have registered your presence at that early hour. It seems that some people go out of their way to find more things to berate teachers about, does your Doctor or Dentist acknowledge you in passing?

Chickoletta · 13/12/2018 17:10

Some of these comments from teachers are shocking. Our profession is totally dependent on social skills and patience and I find it shameful that so many think that blanking a young pupil and parent is acceptable.

GloomyMonday · 13/12/2018 19:44

Not many think blanking a pupil is acceptable. Some people have offered suggestions for why she might have blanked them, suggestions that involve thinking the best of someone instead of the worst.

Neverunderfed · 13/12/2018 19:48

Mookie81 you sound awful.

MaisyPops · 13/12/2018 19:55

Some people are friendly morning people and others aren't.
I can go in the staff room, say good morning and nothing more than a half grunt from some people. Same in every workplace I've got.

I say good morning to students and smile but will tend to pick up the pace and not engage beyond a smile if I pass a parent in reception because I'm conscious how much I have to do and don't have time to chat (and you never know when a good morning turns into a 'can I ask you a quick question...' and then it's not quick).

It would be nice if the teacher was more personable but it's not a crime to be a bit more grumpy or anti social in a morning

Lazysundays18 · 13/12/2018 20:18

It is odd but then you don't know what's happening in her life at the moment. Maybe she's tired or maybe something else is happening. Unless you have a problem with her actual teaching, is maybe cut her some slack.

mrsstewpot · 13/12/2018 22:38

I'm a primary teacher.

Of course you give a quick, pleasant 'good morning' to any pupil, parent or colleague when you are in school, even before class starts. That is just basic manners.

One of the first things a teacher learns at uni is that you must create a safe and welcoming environment to enable learning. The best schools and teachers have this kind of ethos.

PermanentlyFrizzyHairBall · 13/12/2018 22:54

I do find that very odd. Even when I've bumped into my DC's teacher in town they have always said hello and smiled (obviously I realise the last thing they probably want to do is stand around chatting to their pupils during their time off so when this happens I don't linger)!

They shouldn't be expected to stand around engaging, discussing reading books etc but a quick hello and smile surely! In primary school the kids are still tiny and need to feel bonded to their teacher to a certain extent.

JassyRadlett · 13/12/2018 23:04

Very rude. No matter how busy I am, I always acknowledge my pupils with a smile or greeting.

Every single member of staff we’ve encountered at DS1’s School had been like you, thank goodness. We see quite a few of them at breakfast club drop off /after school club pickup and they always smile. Often they say hello and greet my kid by name. I’ve no idea who half of them are - they’ve definitely never taught DS! - but it makes for a welcoming school environment.

GloomyMonday · 14/12/2018 06:34

"One of the first things a teacher learns at uni is that you must create a safe and welcoming environment to enable learning."

I'm not disagreeing with this at all, but it doesn't take much imagination to think of a dozen good reasons why someone might inadvertently rush past a child or parent and 'ignore' them.

Over the past year I have supported colleagues through messy divorces, nursing terminally ill parents, discovering their child has cancer.

I know one friend who used to sit crying on the car park before giving herself a pep talk and walking into work.

I just don't understand why some people are so quick to think the worst of someone. If a teacher ignored my child I'd think 'busy or distracted or thinking about something else and didn't see us'. I wouldn't assume she was rude and unpleasant and enjoyed upsetting kids.

He11y · 14/12/2018 07:38

Does she acknowledge colleagues in passiing I wonder? I think she’s rude and it sounds like she is always like this so I don’t buy all this exhausted teacher crap. If she’s worried about getting stopped and having to chat then she needs to work on her responses. It’s perfectly possible to be polite to everyone but brush off those who want to steal her precious time without being rude.

Littlelambpeep · 14/12/2018 07:42

She could have said a quick hello and kept walking on so as not to waste time. She sounds a bit aloof by nature but very strange not to acknowledge a child !

scaryteacher · 14/12/2018 07:57

There are some strong views on here which are expressed quite bluntly. I thought this was a place for mums to have a supportive dialogue?!! Nope, this is AIBU where the dialogue isn't always supportive and you don' always get the answers you are looking for.

Having been told off for blanking a student whilst whizzing round Tesco at warp speed after school (at about 1800) before going to pick up my own ds (her Mum complained, and this kid was Year 9), I made a point of not talking to anyone in Tesco thereafter who was from school as I was off duty with a breezy,' sorry, running late' whilst moving swiftly in the direction of a different aisle to avoid conversation.

As others have said, if you are preoccupied with the ginormous list of what has to be dome this time of year in school and are running down your mental checklist, and you've got in early to get it done, then avoiding conversation is OK I think.

PanGalaticGargleBlaster · 14/12/2018 08:06

Ooh, I feel a mumsnet Lynch mob developing. Let’s start with passive aggressive suggestions, a strongly worded email to the Head next and maybe by page 10 we can have an online petition to get her fired.