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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Rude teacher

127 replies

camelephantpink · 11/12/2018 21:00

This morning I dropped my daughter off at school. She goes to breakfast club and so is there early. I was also there with my young son. My daughter is 7 and very eager to please. Her teacher came out of the door as we were coming in and she flounced past without making any eye contact with my daughter and without saying 'hello' or 'good morning'. She saw us but actually made an effort not to acknowledge us. I asked my daughter why she hadn't said hello and she said 'mum that is what she is like'. I mentioned it to my husband and he says that she regularly does it to him when he drops her off. We can both forgive her for ignoring us (although it takes no time to smile really) but on reflection, I think its really mean to ignore your 7 year old pupil. Am I over reacting?

OP posts:

shinyshinyun · 11/12/2018 22:04

And just to clarify before anyone says no one has called me a snowflake yet I can just sense it coming

cantkeepawayforever · 11/12/2018 22:05

It is really difficult to say - she MAY be a grumpy teacher, or an unkind one, or a rude one. Or it may be that, from experience, she has found that interacting with children / parents being dropped off at breakfast club quickly turns into a daily chat / update / 'Oh Mrs Smith i just wondered'...which she has no spare tiome for at that time of the day, particularly if she is a parent herself and so is reliant on those previous morning minutes to get set up for the day.

I will always meet anyone who sets up a formal meeting before school, but I actively avoid informal chats - parents, colleagues, children - because that time is my preparation time, and every minute taken from it unexpectedly means the whole class will be taught less well that day.

So your experience this morning may be absolutely nothing to do with you and your daughter. It may simply be that the teacher has a policy not to interact with those attending breakfast club before school, where the children are not her responsibility, because in her experience it becomes too disruptive to her precious 'not on duty yet' moments.

katekat383 · 11/12/2018 22:06

But erm...complaining would be bonkers. Jeeeeeeez

SexNotJenga · 11/12/2018 22:06

I can't see where the teacher was disrespectful. No one said hello to her. She didn't say hello back. What is the problem?

We've got to a pretty interesting state of affairs when parents think they have the right to dictate a teacher's fleeting facial expression.

cantkeepawayforever · 11/12/2018 22:07

I was in a rush too and did not want a conversation with her at all.

But how could she know that? If, say, 5 of her class attend breakfast club each day, and 1 or 2 each week DO start 'wanting a conversation', then she may simply have decided to make a blanket policy of 'before I am on duty, I am in my own world' - not a response to your daughter, today, but accumulated experience over years.

feska5 · 11/12/2018 22:08

She is being rude. There’s no excuse. Doesn’t matter how busy she is or if it’s before she’s on duty. What does it take to say good morning. Next time say a cheery good morning to her whether she acknowledges you or not.

Original poster

camelephantpink · 11/12/2018 22:09

We've got to a pretty interesting state of affairs when parents think they have the right to dictate a teacher's fleeting facial expression

Really??? This is spectacularly missing the point.

OP posts:

Refilona · 11/12/2018 22:10

She could be distracted or worried or exhausted or all of these things put together. Sometimes I feel like a mug smiling and saying “good morning” at parents and pupils and not getting a response (happens A LOT).

SnowyPaws5 · 11/12/2018 22:10

It's rude. Next time you see her, I agree, say a cheery good morning. Set the example.

cantkeepawayforever · 11/12/2018 22:12

feska,

If you were to walk a mile in many teacher's shoes, you would understand that it does 'take something to say good morning', because IME several parents will then turn it into 'a brief chat' and then a 'Could I have a quick word about...you're not busy, are you?'.

Multiply it by 30 adults x 2 interactions per day - and that's just at normal drop off and pick up - and it does very quickly become very time consuming. In normal school hours,. at normal drop of time, absolutely fine, no problem, absolutely part of the job. 7.30 or 8 am, at the start of breakfast club, when the child is the responsibility of breakfast club staff, not necessarily UNLESS you have made an appointment or it is an emergency, in which case of course I will always see you.

potterbell · 11/12/2018 22:13

She could be a miserable grumpy cow (there are plenty of them in many jobs and settings out there) who doesn't like talking to parents. Not much you can do about that.

She could be desperately unhappy in her job / life and unable to paint a smile on for anyone (which doesn't make it right but everyone has a story). Also not much you can do about it.

She could be so busy and in the zone that she doesn't realise how stand offish she seemed. We're all probably guilty of that sometimes.

Some people just aren't that personable and your dd will encounter many more like it.

Cherrysherbet · 11/12/2018 22:14

Molly hua cha nothing in your ridiculously long winded post excuses this teachers rudeness.
Everybody has time to show good manners, and I would expect my child’s teacher to be leading by example.
I can’t think of a single teacher that any of my children have had, who would have walk past and ignored us! There is no excuse for this.

Op you are definitely not being unreasonable. This would upset me too, and make me question how she treats my child in school.

Original poster

camelephantpink · 11/12/2018 22:14

And I have no intention of complaining. Crumbs this is exhausting. There are a lot of teachers on here - I get it. This is not me teacher-bashing yet so many of you are desperate to turn this into a teacher/parent war. Its not about teachers, its about manners and common courtesy.

OP posts:

cantkeepawayforever · 11/12/2018 22:18

Interesting. If you see a teacher outside school, do you expect them to say hello?

I find this very difficult, especially if i am with my own children - would you regard the teacher as rude if she didn't say good morning if you met her (equally off duty, as she is off duty in school before school starts) in Tesco?

Would you think the same about your doctor? Dentist? Plumber?

I don't expect anyone I know in their 'professional' capacity to interact with me or my children outside their strict professional roles?

SilverApples · 11/12/2018 22:20

Sometimes it is like wading through treacle, trying to do stuff before class time starts and the place is infested with parents and children. Sometimes you are trying to get your work brain in gear whilst worrying about your own children, marriage or health.
I thought my DD’s reception teacher was a bitch. Turned out she’d been moved from Y5 against her wishes and was carer for her DH with terminal cancer and had a bad back.
You should only judge a teacher on her classroom performance. She wasn’t onstage yet.

EvaReady · 11/12/2018 22:23

Some teachers are rude - my dcs mention their teacher’s lack of manners - lack of a thank you when s pupil holds a door open for a teacher is a frequent occurrence- it’s a shame that teachers don’t practice what they preach but they aren’t all good at manners just like liars of other people.

switswoo81 · 11/12/2018 22:24

I’m knackered I have a sick 7 month old so no sleep at all,a hyper 3 year old. Am Trying to organize a nativity quickly ( by myself) after mat leave for 22 4/5 year olds.
I see one of my kids ( past and present)I smile and say hello and nod at a parent. I’m not that busy I can’t extend a little courtesy.

Original poster

camelephantpink · 11/12/2018 22:25

cantkeepawayforever - the point is, we were at school - not Tesco. And she isn't my plumber. She is my daughter's teacher. Like I have already said, I didn't want her to do a cartwheel.

And I don't believe that you don't expect anyone you know in their professional capacity to 'interact' with you outside their roles. You would just say 'hi' surely if you recognised someone? Or maybe not....

I didn't want to 'interact' today- it would have just been a quick hello. But she went out of her way to turn her head.

I have to work with the public too and I know how exhausting it can be. The last thing I want to do is randomly interact with everyone I have ever met. Who does?! But there is an important dynamic between pupil and teacher especially when the pupils are very young.

OP posts:

AllTakenSoRubbishUsername · 11/12/2018 22:25

She sounds rude. Not a good example to make to your daughter.

cantkeepawayforever · 11/12/2018 22:26

Eva,

Would it be bad manners for a teacher / doctor / plumber / vet not to say 'good morning' to every person they had ever met in their professional capacity when e.g. in Tesco, or in town Christmas shopping, or whatever?

Or is it just bad manners because she happens to be in her workplace but not yet working with children?

Theknacktoflying · 11/12/2018 22:27

She isn’t on duty at that time of day ... it is a bit like the fact that you can shop in a supermarket on a Sunday but service only really begins when the tills open ....

The one case might be because of law the other is merely should be law that teachers can’t be ON all the time ...

Theknacktoflying · 11/12/2018 22:29

You don’t get this sort of disservice at a private school

Original poster

camelephantpink · 11/12/2018 22:29

switswoo81 - you sound like a lovely mother and a great teacher x

OP posts:

arethereanyleftatall · 11/12/2018 22:29

The 'hello' bit itself and original point of your email, yabu. Come on. Not only do teachers have to work billions of hours, have to put up with, some, pretty horrid kids/parents, (not you), they now have to make sure they're smiling when they arrive at work two hours before they get paid to do so. Give them a break.

The rest of the stuff, in your follow up posts, that doesn't sounds very good tbh, yanbu.

I'm not a proper teacher, I'm just a swim teacher, but I am guilty of doing similar. I'm actually pretty fabulous (May as well present the facts) once the lesson is going, but if a kid arrives before the lesson is due to start, I do get a frisson of 'oh fuck off, I've still got five minutes'

cantkeepawayforever · 11/12/2018 22:29

And I don't believe that you don't expect anyone you know in their professional capacity to 'interact' with you outside their roles. You would just say 'hi' surely if you recognised someone?

No. I accept that everyone is entitled to a 'public face' when working, and a 'non public' face when not working, and it is their choice whether they choose to interact with me - someone they know in their work role - when in their private personae.

For me, that is about respecting boundaries, and I equally expect others to respect the boundaries I set.

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