How or should I sack a student

[MaxineReynolds]

Reading another recent thread I wondered if you could help me with a dilemma!

I am a music tutor and I have a particular student (and mum) who are starting to grate on me but feel torn.

Main problems include

1. Mum sits in on every lesson on uses her lap top whilst I teach her daughter- she waits right until the very end of the lesson to pack away taking extra time.
2. Her phone will frequently ring and she will excuse herself from the lesson and take the call either in my hall way or lounge!
3. Misses a couple of lessons each term because she is ‘too tired’, she once fell asleep on my sofa!
4. Missed last 2 lessons because her daughter hadn’t practiced therefore felt there was no point and the other occasion because it was the mum’s birthday and they were going out (she won’t be offering any payment as she finished the text with ‘hope you understand’)
5. She’s a bit of a pushy parent always nagging her daughter both at home and in the lesson (daughter is teenager and frequently yawns and grumbles).

Reasons I feel bad

1. I’ve taught the girl from beginner and she’s now working on grade 4, so a few years and therefore have built a relationship with her.
2. Despite Mum being a bit cheeky and annoying I do actually like her- she is funny and kind.
3. She’s not British nationality so maybe she is blissfully unaware due to cultural differences

AIBU to consider getting shot or am I being a bit unfair?

Hi :)
Fellow music teacher here.
I guess the slightly awkward thing is that you are already in the pattern of her sitting in on lessons. It’s easier to create boundaries with newer pupils so not sure on that one.
Cancellations though should be covered in your t and cs? Mine need minimum of 24 hours notice

Does the mum have to be there? I was left at my music lessons? It sounds like a few of these issues would be resolved if you asked her to leave you to it and to be paid for missed lessons (when it's her decision to miss them obviously ).

I think before you tell them to look for another teacher, maybe have a word with her before the lesson (or after) that her phonecalls and typing away on the laptop is very disruptive. I would suggest to her that maybe it;s a better idea to leave during the lessons and wait in a nearby cafe, or if she feels uncomfortable leaving the daughter alone, so switch off all electronic equipment. And if this does not work that maybe she needs to look for a tutor who does not mind it and that you will need to part ways- and do tell her you enjoy teaching the daughter, but that you do not feel comfortable with her taking phonecalls around your house!

People from other countries also often have similar etiquette, I do not know a country where it would be polite to interrupt a lesson to take a call!

Yeah you’re right - she’s always sat in so it would be awkward now to say she can’t.

No other parents sit in - she wants to get on with her own work on her lap top to utilise her time in my warm, comfy house that’s why!

Mona - yes I think I was clutching at straws when I mentioned cultural differences!

Why don't they have to pay when they cancel?

You could 'change your ts&cs' to cover cancellation costs and sitting in, and only send to them?

If it were me I would make an announcement in a form of a news letter or in your tutor page? Just say due to many cancellations please be advised that a deposit of x amount will be forfeited if less than 24 hours notice it's given.

You could also mention that lessons now have a new structure where students are asked to attend alone due to space etc if the student is under a certain age parents can sit in? Or perhaps if you have the room, create a waiting area? A chair in the hallway with a side table and magazines?

Would it be possible to email bcc'd (so she doesn't see it's only to her!!) as if to all parents wishing them merry Christmas and to inform them that as of 1st Jan 2019 you will no longer be able to accept anybody other than the student in music classes. No exceptions can be made. Maybe, if you feel it's better, add that it's for insurance purposes.

Possibly end with "I'm sure you understand"! ;)

Yes that’s a good idea - I’ll make a blanket announcement reminding of 24 hour cancellation fees and I think I’ll also ask a term payment in advance- that should do the trick. I generally charge private students weekly because it helps with my finances- but I can make an exception!

Soaring - lol at ‘I’m sure you understand!’ 😀

I think I would suggest to her that now that when a student reaches Grade 4 you no longer have parents sit in, because it’s time for them to take responsibility for their own playing and practice.

Henevieve- yes good suggestion!

I think yabu. Youve taught this child for a long time you have an established relationship. I think its a bit late now to say you dont want mum in the room especially if your a man ( im aware i could get flamed for this remark), use it as a learning experience re what to do in the future.

Payment in advance and no parents staying- I don’t have parents staying even for 5-year-olds!. Change your Ts and Cs for the new year.

You’re not the music tutor from the other thread, by any chance?

And defo payment in advance. My dc have learnt 5 instruments between them, and I’ve only ever paid for lessons as a term upfront.

Can you do a new contract of the lessons in the new year to all your parents so parents are welcome to sit in but phones must be kept off as they cause distruption etc etc so it will be out to all but aimed at the minority who are distrupting

My DC go to music lessons and I have never stayed during the lessons! Also when I had to cancel my son's lesson due to illness, I still paid the teacher. Think you should have to send a text or letter to the mother saying she can't stay and cancellations fees so she can't say she doesn't know. She sounds like a CF.

Remind her 5mins before the end of the lesson that she needs to pack up.

I’m sure you understand

Does she think you're doing the lesson as a favour?!

Most private tutors, personal trainers, travelling hairdressers I've used ALWAYS have a 24 minimum cancellation charge, sometimes 48hr if they're popular.. and they set the method (eg text message is fine if at least 24hrs ahead and a confirmation text back is received).

You need to put your business hat on here!

Please update us when she replies! At least if she decides not to use you anymore then that’s one awkward conversation you don’t have to have!

reminding of 24 hour cancellation fees

So, she should be paying you? I think you just need to text back "Sure, no problem. Please bring this week's payment along with next week's payment next week" or similar.

Is her faffing making you late for the next student?

Can you say to her that you are concerned that having her working in the room and the disruption from phone calls is hindering her child's progress, and you would rather she waits in another room?

I would always expect to pay for lessons I missed. If you have a weekly slot there is no way for you to make up for the missed income when someone misses a lesson.

I'm a tutor (not music, not that that's relevant) and I used to have your problems till I changed my terms and conditions. Now I only accept payment in advance for the term, and I only give refunds for cancellations if I get at least 24 hours written notice.

Overnight, students stopped being "too tired" to turn up. It changes people's attitutde if they know they have already paid for the service.

Have you got T and Cs in place?
If not, then you can't send her a message saying that she has to pay for the missed lesson.
If you do have them in place, then go ahead.
You really do need clear terms and conditions and you need to stick to them.