How or should I sack a student

[MaxineReynolds]

Reading another recent thread I wondered if you could help me with a dilemma!

I am a music tutor and I have a particular student (and mum) who are starting to grate on me but feel torn.

Main problems include

1. Mum sits in on every lesson on uses her lap top whilst I teach her daughter- she waits right until the very end of the lesson to pack away taking extra time.
2. Her phone will frequently ring and she will excuse herself from the lesson and take the call either in my hall way or lounge!
3. Misses a couple of lessons each term because she is ‘too tired’, she once fell asleep on my sofa!
4. Missed last 2 lessons because her daughter hadn’t practiced therefore felt there was no point and the other occasion because it was the mum’s birthday and they were going out (she won’t be offering any payment as she finished the text with ‘hope you understand’)
5. She’s a bit of a pushy parent always nagging her daughter both at home and in the lesson (daughter is teenager and frequently yawns and grumbles).

Reasons I feel bad

1. I’ve taught the girl from beginner and she’s now working on grade 4, so a few years and therefore have built a relationship with her.
2. Despite Mum being a bit cheeky and annoying I do actually like her- she is funny and kind.
3. She’s not British nationality so maybe she is blissfully unaware due to cultural differences

AIBU to consider getting shot or am I being a bit unfair?

We pay in advance at beginning of term then if we miss any that’s our look out. Quite right

Thinking about it our tutors so nice if we do miss the odd one due to school trip or something they slot us in elsewhere which they do not have to do and I’m appreciative if they do

Also why does she feel she has to sit in on her daughter's music lesson? She wouldn't be allowed to sit in during school lessons!! The daughter is a teenager, she shouldn't need her mother beside her. My children are primary school age and don't need me to sit with them!!

You can always bill her for the missed lessons. If you have not t+c's in place it doesn't stop you. You might need to sort out t+c's from the new year and also send them to her, but at this point in time any lack of documentation doesn't stop you dealing with this.
Next time they come sit her down at the start of the lesson and tell her that she needs to make alternative arrangements for working during the lesson. Tell her that even when she's just tapping away it's a distraction, and when she takes calls she disrupts the flow of the lesson. Don't mess about, if she's not happy with these reasonable requests tell her that it's probably best you terminate the arrangement.

Studied music from age 3 and children currently study.

Never had a teacher who didn’t take a term’s fees in advance. Then you make up the misssd lessons after.

No teacher I’ve ever met would allow laptops and phone calls. They’d just tell the parent sit outside. No parent intervening in the lesson either.

I agree you should be asking for payment in advance. Tell her your business terms have changed, you will now require payment in advance and there will be no refunds for classes cancelled without 14 days notice (or whatever suits you). Give her a written copy of this and ask her to sign it and return it before next term.

I used to sit outside in the car after dropping DH at flute lessons. Once or twice I had no car and her teacher put a chair in the hall so I could wait in the warm. It was made very clear that coming into the lesson was by invitation only. Tell the mum that now her DC is progressing to higher grades there needs to be more focus in the room and so from next term she will have to wait outside.

I have a daughter who is a grade 8 musician aged 17. With the sitting in I would offer her another room to do her work in if you're able to? You are under NO obligation to accommodate the mother by the way.
What you could say is that as the DD progresses up the grades, it can become more challenging, more fun and at times more frustrating. There's a time and place for an audience - maybe in the runup to the exam playing to an audience is great (invite her then) but stumbling through new scales and pieces has its ups and downs and an audience is not always helpful. Just imply progress might be slower ......and slower means more lessons.

Hi, won't don't you just have a chat with the mum and explain that it is getting disruptive to have them sit in on lessons. Also, as you have had the child for a number of years then really there is no reason why the mum should need to stay. I always wait in the car outside on the driveway for my child. Only sit in for the last 5 minutes while waiting to collect. If she is going to cancel then mention that there will be a charge which will be added onto the next lessons bill.

Tbh if she’s been learning a few years and she’s only on grade 4, she’s not a fast learner. Is it worth the aggro?

If you can replace her with someone with a less silly mother I would.

Just establish some boundaries.

Explain now she's moving on to more technical work with Grade 4, she needs the focus of a quiet room, so please could the mother drop off and collect like every other parent does. Don't let her faff with her laptop on your time.

Collect term fees in advance (don't all music teachers do this? All the tutors DC have ever had do, and you only get money back if they cancel.)

agree with other posters.
you need to change your t&c

hereabouts we pay music teachers for a term or half term in advance. if the teacher misses a class the missed lesson will be given another time.

The mother doesn’t have to drop her off, she can sit in the kitchen, but she can’t sit in on the lesson.

I think rather than just drop her, you should speak to mother and at least give her the opportunity to change.

Now is the best time to sort this out - send everyone a happy christmas, remind that only the student will be admitted into the music room, and that 24 hour cancellation applies

I agree too with charging the terms fees upfront - for her exclusively if that's what you want to do

You do need to up your game as a teacher love, she IS walking all over you and taking the piss purely because you are allowing her to.

Good luck, you can fix this :)

a hard chair in the hall/porch is where she could stay...