AIBU to ask if you co sleep how do you ever find time to dtd?

[mrsseashell]

... or even have a cuddle?!
Feeling v distant from my OH at the moment. 14mo DS has never slept through the night, ends up in our bed about an hour after he goes in his cot, and stays with us for the rest of the night.

Posted too soon

AIBU to ask how you find time / privacy, or maybe you don't until they're older?

We just did it in other places! Set up a nice space in our spare room. When we didn’t have a spare room it was the sofa!

We have a sofa bed in the living room that we pull out in the evenings.

The sofa got ALOT more activity. As did every other room in the house

Spare bedroom.

Any room that is vacant of DC.

? Other places in the house?!

If you really want to have sex you find a way. It's not that difficult to fit in a quicky. My husband and I certainly never had a problem managing it.

Put the child back in it's own bed.

So he doesn't nap during the day, goes to bed at sevenish, at which time we eat / do work / shower and then he's up again by eight most nights and will only settle in our bed with one of us in the bed too.

You don’t need to be in bed, be inventive.

We don’t 🤷‍♀️

I put him in a small double bed in his own room at 13 months (baby proofed with stair gate and camera monitor). Meant I had my bedroom to myself with no toys or other baby stuff and then once he called me for during the night (or when my husband snored too loud) I just switched through to his room and slept there for the night.

Whenever and wherever, 3 year old still co sleeps with us so any opportunity when the kids are occupied we grab! Still have a healthy 2-3 times a week even after 8 years and 2 kids!

When you settle him around 8pm does one of you literally go to bed at that time? Every night one of you goes to bed at 8?

To be fair that sounds horribly familiar, but our ds had medical issues that made him a terrible sleeper. And in our case sleep really did take priority until those issues were resolved. Now the sofa-bed comes out though!

Once you've settled him down again at 8, get yourself back up.

@RatRolyPoly yep we take it in turns

You need to get your son sleeping in his own room. Bite the bullet and just deal with it.

My 5m old is a terrible sleeper. I can settle her in the cot next to my bed for a brief period and we dtd and then when she stirs again she comes into out bed. That or the sofa for us

It's motivation to really work on his sleeping habits, surely? What have you tried so far to get him to settle back down in his own cot?

@ButteryParsnips yes I know, I really don't want to leave him to cry at all, and as soon as he touches the cot he cries and cries. He settles when he's holding a handful of my hair and that's literally it :(

This doesn't really sound sustainable - are you really all happy with the arrangement?

That said we use a bedside cot so if baby is in there and sleeping, no issue.

There are more gentle solutions than controlled crying. If it is something you want to change I'd recommend looking at the books by Elizabeth Pantley and/or Sarah Ockwell Smith. They are both anti leaving to cry but recognise some sleep behaviour can be difficult for parents and need to change.

Wherever we could. Mostly living room!

I’m in the same situation with my 13mo :( currently tsken the side of her cot & it’s attached to our bed in a hope to get her more used to it.