Anyone here who's never met their DCs stepmum?

[Londonburning]

Just that really. Anyone? I don't have a good relationship with my ex, I try to keep him at arms length and only speak to him about the kids. He's been with her for a year, and they already live together. Never met her, and I feel it's weird to go on years like this without meeting the person my children spend time with?

I havnt met my ex's girlfriend, they have been together 3 years and are getting married soon.
My kids don't like her and she said to my kids she doesn't like them.
Probobly a good idea I don't meet her actually because I'd be quite tempted to give her a slap.

Have you asked to meet her? I am step mum and think it's reasonable that you would want to. We met right at the start before I was allowed to meet my DSD which u thought was fair enough. Sadly she didn't return the courtesy but that's another story!

Didn't return the courtesy before introducing her new partner to DSD I mean!

Nope. No interest whatsoever. My ex doesn’t have a good track record where new partner’s are concerned. He seems to build relationships on the basis of what a dreadful person I am and how hard done by he is. Consequently we have yet to have a girlfriend who has been reasonable or decent. They have all treated our children appallingly and eventually he gets rid of them and starts again. As others have said, I prefer my ex at a distance.

It wouldn’t be unreasonable of you to ask to meet her! Even when exchanging the kids?? If she’s a decent person she will respect that.

I haven't and they've been together almost 6 years now. She was the OW which obviously clouds my judgement but I have no interest in meeting her - she treats my DC well and they both seem to like her, so that's enough for me.

Me. It’s a very weird situation and it makes life difficult. I would be happy to meet her, even though she was the OW, but even after a decade she still resents the fact that I exist.

I have asked to meet her, but got a big fat no from ex. I obviously don't know her opinion on this.

Me. They've been together two years, lived together most of that time (he met her a month after we separated), they've been on holiday with the kids. I have no issue with her but she seems to have massive issues with me. Seems a bit weird to me but 🤷🏼‍♀️
Kids are older - teenagers - if that makes a difference

@londonburning your ex sounds v unreasonable! Are your kids old enough to have an opinion on her? What do they think? As long as they are happy thats all that matters

I have before we split as she was a work colleague of his. Since they’ve been together no. I’m happily remarried with another baby now always offer to invite her and her kids to my eldest birthday parties etc but ex says no. On Sunday she was home when I went to be pick up DC (she isn’t usually there) so he shut the door in my face so I wouldn’t see her. I suspect he’s made me out to be some unstable psycho and doesn’t want her meeting me in case she realises I’m a perfectly reasonable rational nice women 😂

If he's anything like my ex he'll have told her how dreadful you are and won't want you to meet for that reason (as she'll soon twig that youre not.) Or he's worried you'll let slip something unflattering about him.
For dcs sake it would be nice, but maybe he's thinking about himself first and foremost?

x post!

You dont get on with your ex, I really dont get why you would want to meet his girlfriend.

He has said no, unless you deliberatly want to stir up trouble then let it go, its not your business.

Why do you want to meet her?

I've spent time with the woman who my STBXH had an affair with. It was hard to start with but it's getting easier now wounds have healed.

My girls like her and she is good to them and to me, that is all that matters.

Me and STBXH feel it's best for the children if they see everything is ok between us. We have a laugh and stuff but I don't plan on being his GF best friend any time soon.

Different things work for different people. My DM met my SM before we did, by mutual agreement, they’re good friends these days.

I’ve never “met” my DSC mum, neither of us has anything to say to the other, this is fine with the DC. DH and I married and I’m pregnant, she’s never mentioned any of it, she and DH barely speak and only ever about the DC.

When she had a bf for a while DH saw him plenty (DH does all pick ups and drop offs) and every time the bf literally ran away. God knows what he’d heard about him!

@StarFish36 why do you say her ex sounds very unreasonable? OP already says she keeps him at arms length, maybe he just wants to do the same?

OP, I'm on both sides of this. I have met my exH girlfriends and am always as accommodating as I can be to them. I have also met the exW of previous partner and it was fine - we got on well.

My now DP's exW, however, has been full of bitterness and animosity since they split years ago (I'm not the OW, we have only been together a year) and I know was horrible to my predecessor, so I have zero desire to meet or spend any time with her because I know she's not a nice person (I've seen correspondence from her and we have mutual friends - I'm not just going on what DP has told me).

We take good care of the DSCs when they are with us and they are happy, and that's all that matters.

Me. I have been with DH for nearly 8 years and married for 2. I met DSC a year or so after we got together.

Haven't ever met their mum.

She's a nightmare, her and DH have a horrendous relationship so I stay as far out of it as I can. If she wanted to meet me I obviously would but wouldn't initiate it.

Oh sorry im round the other way! I am the stepmum (Its been a long day!)

Because she requested to meet the person who is spending a lot of time with her children! He shouldn’t be refusing that.

I haven’t met my dsc mum, and it’s been nearly 20 years!

She just isn’t interested. They’re adults now but she has always been fine wherever the kids go. As long as she could drop them off and pick up when she wanted.

When i first met dh the kids were 18m and 2.5, the oldest with newly diagnosed special needs. I was a student, living in a student house, had never babysat for anyone before, and had known now dh for three weeks and been on 4 dates. She wanted a day out shopping, dh had meetings at work he couldn’t get out of . She was all set to leave them with me for the day as she couldn’t find anyone else. Dh had to tell her no as a) two toddlers in a shared student house? B) i knew nothing about children, had no suitable food, toys, no car or car seat...

But we don't know his reasons for that @StarFish36 - if the relationship between the OP and her ex is bare minimum as she describes, he and his new partner might similarly prefer to just keep things separate.

I do get the desire to want to know about where DCs live and who they are spending time with in step families, but it isn't something everyone can demand or assume they have a right to. It depends on a good relationship between the split parents, and from the OP, it seems that's not there.

I unfortunately knew my ex’s partner before they got together.
She’s foul and spiteful and my son who’s now 18 can’t stand her and she doesn’t think much of him either . Haven’t seen her for a few years now and would be happy if I never saw her again

Never met my ex’s girlfriend and don’t intend to.

He keeps pushing it but I have no interest in meeting my replacement.

She is nothing to me.