To not visit FIL in hospital?

[MrsMuffins]

FIL has just had a planned minor op and is currently in hospital about 2 hours drive away from us. DH drove over this morning to see him - we thought it better that I stay at home with DS, who’s 2.5, as it’s a long drive and he would have just been mega bored at the hospital.

However have just had MIL on the phone saying she was ‘surprised’ not to see me and DS. When I explained the reasoning she was very quiet and then quite sharp for the rest of the phone call. As background - we don’t get on well at the best of times, although this is not for want of trying on my part! Should I have gone with DH and DS to see FIL - is the fact that I don’t particularly like either of them clouding my judgement on what’s reasonable?!

I find this very odd behaviour. It is impossible for me to imagine my mum or dad calling my husband to essentially reprimand him for not visiting. I really cannot understand the dynamics of her bypassing her own son to speak to you about this. If any issue was to be taken, the surely it should have been said to her son, who was right in front of her! even then my parents would never take issue with something like this. It might come up as them saying is looking after would probably follow it up with that’s good, quite right, keep wee one a home not drag them out up here to sit in a hospital. To be perfectly honest for a minor operation and a two hour drive both of my parents (divorced) would discourage me from visiting in hospital at all. One of them had major surgery recently and was insistent no need for us to make journey for hospital visit. I’m close to both of them btw so no indication of lack of relationship.

My child is small but if grown up I too would say no just give me a call and see me when I’m out. I utterly hate the idea of me reprimanding an adult child of mine for not visiting and the idea of me doing it to their partner is ludicrous, honestly just shoot me first!

My view is that you either put the effort in to be a nice warm parent and do what you can to have a good relationship with your children where they choose to visit you or you don’t and you accept it. No good genuine relationship will come from guilt, badgering and sharp pointed conversations.

Barbarian how small? DS 7 is a breeding ground for germs and visits DS 28 in hospital quite regularly. He just uses hand gel.

My DF has been in hospital a few times for heart issues, only 20 minutes away, and I've never taken DS to visit him (first time was when DS was 3, he's 12 now). It's just not appropriate and DS would've been bored rigid when he was younger. Hell, DS didn't even visit me when I had a transplant when he was 5 (or subsequent admissions when I had infections or rejections). It would have been waaaaay too traumatic for him to see me, would have been too risky with all the compromised immune systems and it was a 4 hour round trip as well.

You did the right thing. MIL is only thinking of herself.