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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Crappy Christmas gifts

41 replies

mrsm43s · 11/12/2018 14:39

So I found out (accidentally whilst checking the status of another order on my DH's Amazon account) that my husband has once again bought me a shitty Christmas present. It's some coke glasses. Regular, everyday coke glasses. I happened to mention the other day that a few had got broken recently, and we needed some more, but this really isn't a present to me. At first I hoped he'd just shown some initiative and ordered a household item we needed, but no, it came out in discussion later in the day that I wasn't to check his Amazon account re the issue we were having with the other item (too late by then!) as he'd ordered my present.

Last year I got a mixing bowl, as one of the children had broken the once we had. Another regular household item that I'd expect to buy from the joint account.

AIBU to think these are household items, that come from the household budget, and not sodding presents to me?

Hopefully this is a tree present, and he will also have got me something else, but I can't guarantee it as we don't do big presents really. I have got him some socks (he specifically asked for these), 4 books on different topics he loves, some chocolates, some fancy cider and a watch, so nothing life changing there, but all things for HIM and all things (apart from the socks) wouldn't come out of the joint account if he chose to buy them for himself.

I'm feeling pissed off. Not sure whether to tell him I've seen them now, so as any row is blown over by Christmas, or to just let it ride, as after all, I'm an adult, and frankly not that bothered by Xmas presents.

I also don't really know what I want for Xmas, so I might be being a teensy bit unreasonable to expect him to know! Maybe he thought me mentioning the glasses were broken was a hint? (it really wasn't!)

It makes me feel a bit crappy though when he buys me household items for presents:( Some nice wine (or flavoured gin) /flowers/chocolates would be better, at least they'd be for me.

OP posts:

CaptainsYuleLog · 11/12/2018 14:41

Tell him that if he wants to buy the house presents that's fine. But you want presents for you as well.

ILiveInSalemsLot · 11/12/2018 14:42

Say to him that you hope he hadn’t bought you household items for Xmas like last year. Although nice, you would prefer something that was for you specifically.

Urbanbeetler · 11/12/2018 14:42

Send back his books and stuff and get him some such washer tabs and a pack of lightbulbs.

Isadora2007 · 11/12/2018 14:44

Oh bless him. I would think he maybe thought you wanted the coke glasses replaced and it is a genuine try to be thoughtful. Maybe just directly ask if he could surprise you with some flavoured gin this year- let him choose the flavour? He can pour it into your new glasses.

Twillow · 11/12/2018 14:46

Lightbulbs love it

ThisTooShallPassInTime · 11/12/2018 14:47

Can’t you just say you saw the coke glasses and if they’re for you he’ll be getting a bottle of Fairy liquid and a sponge?

Just be honest and don’t ruin your Xmas by keeping quiet.

Why can’t you just tell him he has to up his game and save lots of things you’d actually like to his Amazon wish list so you get something you want, but still won’t know exactly what he’s chosen.

JustWhatINeededNow · 11/12/2018 14:48

Oh this reminds me of my gift from ex

Disney cd. Ffs. I'm 40 years old.

I have a 2 & 4 year old. They'd love it (and they did) but don't dare wrap it as a gift for a grown up who had never shown any interest in cartoons. Dickhead.

MrsJayy · 11/12/2018 14:50

Just tell him kitchen bowls and glasses isn't for christmas I don't know why you wouldn't just say something

alexalexy · 11/12/2018 14:54

I'm buying my own presents this year. DH does actually try hard to get things I like but never quite gets it right so I've said this year, don't worry, I'll sort the presents, including my own and you can just wrap them up.

misskatamari · 11/12/2018 14:57

I'd be honest and tell him. It doesn't need to end up in a row, just explain that household items are things that should be replaced out of household money and they aren't special presents for you. Surely he'll see what you're saying?

Original poster

mrsm43s · 11/12/2018 14:59

"Oh bless him. I would think he maybe thought you wanted the coke glasses replaced and it is a genuine try to be thoughtful" @Isadora2007 mostly I agree with this, and think he thinks he is being nice, and has found something I want (and I do accept I'm probably quite hard to buy for in general.) I'm not that big on presents anyway, and could perfectly easily see it that he intended to do a nice thing (but misjudged) and just let it ride.

But a lot of me wants to do what @urbanbeetler said "get him some dish washer tabs and a pack of lightbulbs" Bit petty, though, isn't it? Tempted though...

OP posts:

Mar1984 · 11/12/2018 15:01

Mention how you saw someone post on Facebook her husband bought her general household items for Xmas and how in thoughtful and not actually a present for her and go on with how upsetting that would be

BlackrockMum · 11/12/2018 15:04

I think you have to just tell him , now straight away, that you hate getting ordinary household items as Christmas gifts especially things for the kitchen, so the glasses can go under tree and he can get something else, you were able to give us hints i'd do same for him, I think you are more likely to get it if he knows you'd want it. If you want to cause disruption you can always mention in passing ,you've ordered some new glasses as may need more over xmas!!

My dh is on high alert at moment and anything I say needs replacing is viewed as my xmas present, he's also stealing the ideas I gave the kids, and they have had rows with him over this, but I do actually quite like practical gifts. so over the years ive had some very useful gifts. I do find saying id like a book doesn't help him, least it didn't the year he bought me the same book I was reading already as it looked familiar. I give him a few options if he asks so I still get surprise.

As an aside always think flowers at xmas is the worst present ever they are not fresh and there is so much in house you don't need them getting in your way,

MrsJayy · 11/12/2018 15:05

I would suggest to him the coke glasses are a family gift or say Dh darling if you give me wrapped cola glasses for christmas i will ram them up your nose don't try and defend him surely a bath bomb and some sweets are better that glasses for the kitchen cupboard

christmaschristmaschristmas · 11/12/2018 15:14

Are you sure he hasn't just ordered these for the house in general?

Don't make any effort for him, and he will soon realise what it feels like.

GummyGoddess · 11/12/2018 15:15

Buy new coke glasses now and let him know you've replaced the broken ones. If he looks cross then point out they are household items and you would like a gift that's just yours alone.

billybagpuss · 11/12/2018 15:15

Go buy some Coke glasses yourself and just say - oh by the way I've replaced the glasses that got chipped.

billybagpuss · 11/12/2018 15:16

ha cross posted with Gummy by .02 seconds

Totorosfluffytummy · 11/12/2018 15:18

Go with the l

Totorosfluffytummy · 11/12/2018 15:19

Go with the lightbulbs idea!

NotAColdWomanHenry · 11/12/2018 15:21

Bring up the mixing bowl from last year and say that while it's noce to have things replaced, you'd love a nice present that's a special thing for you to enjoy, rather than just for the house, kind of like what you get for him (hammer the point home!). Suggest you could give him a list of several of the types of things you'd like (chocs, wine, whatever else), then he can choose from the list and it will still be a surprise.

If he doesn't manage it then I'd be really annoyed.

BrendasUmbrella · 11/12/2018 15:21

Take a tip from another poster and go out and buy the crappy gift now. When he sees coke glasses on the counter tomorrow, maybe he'll panic and buy jewelry instead

PlatypusPie · 11/12/2018 15:22

It's a dangerous time of year for saying you like anything - I mentioned in passing to my DH that I was enjoying listening to Jo Brand's new book 'Born Lippy' which was R4's Book of the Week last week. Luckily I saw the gleam in his eye as he twitched toward Amazon and clarified I had enjoyed listening to her read it and that I thought I had probably heard all the good bits so no, it wasn't a hint for a stocking filler.

caperplips · 11/12/2018 15:22

either replace the glasses yourself and tell him so he can return his
OR tell him outright that you don't want household items as your present
OR buy yourself small, nice treats and make up a stocking 'from him' and just proceed to open it on Christmas morning, all 'Ohhhhh a lipstick! And in my favorite colour. A mini bottle of champagne, how thoughtful, I think I'll drink it now....etc'

Cutesbabasmummy · 11/12/2018 15:22

I've ordered my own present this year with Dh's credit card! He would rather I had something I liked than make (another) mistake. He tried hard to be thoughtful but doesn't always get it right!

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