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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Crappy Christmas gifts

41 replies

mrsm43s · 11/12/2018 14:39

So I found out (accidentally whilst checking the status of another order on my DH's Amazon account) that my husband has once again bought me a shitty Christmas present. It's some coke glasses. Regular, everyday coke glasses. I happened to mention the other day that a few had got broken recently, and we needed some more, but this really isn't a present to me. At first I hoped he'd just shown some initiative and ordered a household item we needed, but no, it came out in discussion later in the day that I wasn't to check his Amazon account re the issue we were having with the other item (too late by then!) as he'd ordered my present.

Last year I got a mixing bowl, as one of the children had broken the once we had. Another regular household item that I'd expect to buy from the joint account.

AIBU to think these are household items, that come from the household budget, and not sodding presents to me?

Hopefully this is a tree present, and he will also have got me something else, but I can't guarantee it as we don't do big presents really. I have got him some socks (he specifically asked for these), 4 books on different topics he loves, some chocolates, some fancy cider and a watch, so nothing life changing there, but all things for HIM and all things (apart from the socks) wouldn't come out of the joint account if he chose to buy them for himself.

I'm feeling pissed off. Not sure whether to tell him I've seen them now, so as any row is blown over by Christmas, or to just let it ride, as after all, I'm an adult, and frankly not that bothered by Xmas presents.

I also don't really know what I want for Xmas, so I might be being a teensy bit unreasonable to expect him to know! Maybe he thought me mentioning the glasses were broken was a hint? (it really wasn't!)

It makes me feel a bit crappy though when he buys me household items for presents:( Some nice wine (or flavoured gin) /flowers/chocolates would be better, at least they'd be for me.

OP posts:
KeepingEveryoneSafe · 11/12/2018 15:25

My dad once bought my mum a dishwasher for Christmas Hmm
I think he bought her an ironing board too once or maybe it was an iron but all I remember of that was my dads Christmas dinner ended up in the dog. Dog had a lovely day Grin Christmas stocking & Christmas dinner.
I hate it when people buy household stuff for Christmas unless they've asked for it. If I want an ironing board I'll just buy one.

90mammasophie · 11/12/2018 15:28

Ask for something specifically so there can be no confusion.
Something along the lines of 'a new perfume would be such a lovely Christmas present'
... 'this watch would be just lovely as a present, I'd love that'
... 'if your stuck for a nice pressie idea I did see a beautiful bag in Zara today. Here's the link'.
Shouldn't have to, but if he's just gunna get you kitchenwear otherwise

SnowyPaws5 · 11/12/2018 15:34

You need to be more specific with what you want, so that he has some ideas. I.e. 'I would love some flavoured gin for Christmas'. Try dropping that sentence soon so that hopefully you won't just be receiving coke glasses for Christmas.

QueenDaisy · 11/12/2018 15:36

BlackrockMum

Sorry, but I’m laughing at him buying you the same book you were reading Flowers

OP, like others have said, buy some new glasses now, although I think you need to tell him you’ve seen his list, he’s obviously not learned from his mixing bowl mistake. I’m hard to buy for, although my hubby always manages to find something I like. I mentioned to him many years ago that household items were not a present for me, the same as tools are not a present for him Smile

HeathRobinson · 11/12/2018 15:37

Email him an Amazon wishlist. The stuff doesn't have to come from Amazon, you can just put ideas on it if you want.

Ragwort · 11/12/2018 15:39

Just give him specific ideas, my DH & I no longer exchange gifts, neither of us really ever gets it quite right (despite being married 30 years) & we would both just much rather choose exactly the right thing for ourselves rather than risk an expensive mistake. I can’t believe that couples just can’t have an honest discussion.

WhereYouLeftIt · 11/12/2018 15:41

"Say to him that you hope he hadn’t bought you household items for Xmas like last year. Although nice, you would prefer something that was for you specifically."

^^This. Except I'd drop the "although nice" part.

You have to talk to him. If you don't, he's going to do what he's always done, which is get the house a present. It's basically a physics problem you've got here Grin and what you are dealing with is inertia - where a physical object will remain still or to continue moving in the same direction at the same speed, unless a force is applied to it. Your husband's present-buying will continue as before unless you apply a force to change it's direction. So talk to him.

Oh, and if it doesn't go well, ends in a row or he takes the huff - send the books etc. back and just give him the socks. It would not be petty to do so, it would simply be acknowledging that presents are not important to him (or he'd make more effort in the giving of them) and you don't want him to feel under obligation or pressured because you'd gone over the top in getting for him.

MrsJayy · 11/12/2018 15:44

I went to my friends for christmas dinner one year the dad bought the mum a washing up bowl with an ironing board cover a washing up brush and deicer Hmm that was a frosty dinner !

Original poster
mrsm43s · 11/12/2018 15:49

Well, I'm going to drop very strong hints about flavoured gin. Very strong indeed. Ones he can't possibly miss.

He's a good man. He's spent his lunch hour today sorting out a new laptop for me, as mine has broken - he's generally helpful and thoughtful, just crap with presents. I don't want to tell him I don't want the glasses, because he'll be disappointed in himself that he's got it wrong (again!). It won't end in a row, just it would make him sad, and I'm not sure I care enough about presents for it to be worth anyone getting upset over.

I may add some lightbulbs to his pile as a slightly tongue in cheek PA dig, though. It might give him a "lightbulb moment" that household items do not good Christmas gifts make (see what I did there!)

OP posts:
Fairylightfurore · 11/12/2018 16:06

Tell him you did go into his Amazon but didn't see a Christmas present just some come glasses but thanks for being thoughtful enough to replace the household items..

Fairylightfurore · 11/12/2018 16:09

I told DH when we first got together in no uncertain terms that he was never ever to buy me household items as presents and that it was a deal-breaker Grin

Dustbunny1900 · 11/12/2018 16:16

I'm not sure whether this is just some unoriginal lazy gift buying, or some cringey sexist shit..
Either way, buy the cups from the joint account and have an honest discussion

ShatnersBassoon · 11/12/2018 16:22

You can't leave it to fester until Christmas Day. Tell him you know he's ordered you some glasses, and that they aren't a suitable present. He'll then pretend that they're something he was just buying anyway and will go away and think of something decent to buy you.

Catmum26 · 11/12/2018 16:23

my husband is a bit like this. last year for xmas i got a slow cooker which was worse than the one we already had. and one year for valentine’s day i got an iron.... just be honest but in a jokey kind of way. just say i know you told me not to check the amazon account but i had ready gone on there before you said and i hope those coke glasses aren’t my christmas present (!) some men just have no clue what to get. if you’d rather have some nice chocolates and a bottle of gin then tell him. or give him some suggestions of things you would like and tell him to pick something. i always have to say to my husband ‘if you’re wondering what to get me for my bday id quite like such and such’ it’s my birthday on thursday and my husband still hasn’t been shopping for my present yet so god knows what i’m going to get.

MrsJayy · 11/12/2018 17:16

Just tell him you saw the amazon list by accident and saw he replaced the glasses he bought to replace the broken ones dont mention as a present he might take the hint and just put them in the cupboard

BabySharkAteMyHamster · 11/12/2018 17:26

I caught my OH in the act doing this. On that occasion it was a rechargeable hot water bottle.

I shit you not.

Now we never spend much on each other, and I don't expect much. But I do expect thought.

So I marched in, loudly said 'if you think i'm opening a glorified hot water bottle on Christmas day. You can think again. '.

Then stalked off again.

This came weeks after opening leather scented candles with reduced stickers all over them and bottles of.dove for my birthday.

He on the other had got concert tickets and a fecking tshirt of said band to go with.

He keeps shuffling and looking thoughtful when ever I give something a passing glance so lord knows what i'll get this year.

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