Anxiety success stories - hand hold please

[AnxiousAnnnie]

Shamelessly posting here for traffic

I have suffered with anxiety on and off for years. I’m feeling extremely anxious and pretty hopeless at the moment. Mainly anxious about work - feel like I’m spinning to many plates, and cocking things up left right and centre. Can’t sleep, can’t concentrate, ratty with my family. Basically just want to disappear right now.

Trying to get an appt with a therapist but all the ones that seem appropriate have long waiting lists even privately.

Anyhow... I would love to hear from people who have learned to manage there anxiety and what worked for you. I just need a handhold and a bit of positively to try and pull myself out of this murky depressing headspace, and to muster the energy to tackle this

I have GAD OCD and PTSD (!) and 5 years ago after 25 years of it I had had enough..... It has taken me a long long time, and I fall over and have to get back up many times. But most of the time Im really really good - I literally never thought I would type that sentence.

Firstly I did a lot of CBT (had to wait nearly a year on NHS for private sessions) but they were worth it. I read a lot about CBT too, and you really have to do the exercises (ie writing stuff down like worry diaries, rather than just thinking about it in your head). I had never told anyone about any of mine even though they were super debilitating, never missed a day off work etc.... So I had to start being kinder to myself. I tell people now how bad it was, and that sort of lessens it - its no longer a secret in my head.

I also did daily meditation - and I mean daily - sometimes 3 times a day when its bad. Its not something you can jump in and out of IMO. I also went to see a therapist who I see monthly, for the last 5 years. I also try v hard not to get cross, be less of a perfectionist, let things go, adn I catch myself when I feel myself starting to freak out.

I also did a lot of yoga as it makes you aware of the body and self. The more intune you are with yourself the more you notice "i feel more stressed this morning" or "my hands are shaking - I wonder why that is". So its almost like an early alarm system.

I basically treat myself like a recovering alcoholic - Im in permanant recovery from GAD. I cant get too tired or too overwhelmed or it starts a cascade of anxiety for me. I cannot eat badly, and need to go outside in the fresh air daily too.

Gosh this has turned out super long.... but in conclusion. There is no quick fix, esp as I made a choice not to take medication. I wanted to heal in a holistic fashion. But what works for you might not work for someone else. Good luck OP. Go to your Drs as a first step and be honest. Tell those who love you how hard you are finding it, and start exploring CBT> Medication might be the right choice for you, so dont rule that out - be open to explore all options.

It's a horrible feeling. I'm really sorry you are feeling that way.

I try to focus on things that help me feel better such as order. I clean and organise drawers, cupboards, go through my bank direct debits, try to save money by shopping round for energy deals etc, take a load of stuff to a charity shop, gather some things for a food bank etc etc. Anything that makes me feel less cluttered helps the chaos in my brain.

Thank you so much for your reply Oracle. I think that’s the thing I’m slowly coming to terms with - that you don’t necessarily get over anxiety, but learn to manage it. You saying that you are in recovery from it really resonates with me. The things you do sound great, I need to work on my discipline and make these things a priority- it’s just so hard sometimes isn’t it, when whatever it is your worry about seems like such a catastrophe. I have started using Headspace for mindfulness daily, and my GP has prescribed sertralkne again. I’ve done some telephone CBT but found it a bit generic, so feel I need to actually see someone who can help me develop stronger coping strategies. Thank you for taking the time to post - it’s so helpful to hear your story when I feel like dispairing

Thank you Maia also. I have been working at home on my annual leave - it’s the only way I feel like I can make it through. My life feels in disarray - barely any food into the cupboards, house is a mess, no idea where half my clothes are! Regaining some order is essential

Magnesium has helped immensely and a healthish diet . Too much coffee can give me feelings of doom. It's always in the background though. It sometimes manifests its self as a new phobia

Yes - no coffee ! It makes me go crazy and really exacerbates anxiety for days. Also try keeping a little diary. i find my anxiety can get worse before I get my period. So now if I feel like that a week before Im due I can remind myself that its not because something is going to happen - its my hormones.

Also equally focus on "more feeling / less thinking". we can get so caught up in cycles of thoughts - concentrate on sensations when you think. And then activly try to move your focus ot feeling. I imagine it moving from my head to my heart. A constantly fretful mind is something to practice overcoming. Also accept that just becuase you think it doesnt mena it will happen. I use this on my kids.

So just because I say a big pink elephant is going to appear in the lounge doesnt mean it will. But its easy to get carried away with thoughts - esp when they are catstrophic. But maybe they are no more likely to manifest than that pink elephant.

Good luck - its so horrible. But things constantly change - so you are unlikely to feel like this for the long term ... It will ( and normally does, get better) - unmumsnetty hugs!

Regular exercise helped me. As did accepting that I will probably always feel this way to some degree - and to learn coping mechanisms.
Daily power walks of 20 minutes (any more and you could make your anxiety worse) made such a massive difference!

Sorry you are experiencing this op.

In a nutshell I started liking myself and accepting myself as the product of my experiences. It wasn’t even really a conscious decision at the time, and I’m pleasantly surprised how it’s altered my outlook on life.

my anxiety has gone through the roof with menopause. I:

have given up coffee.
have started running.
am trying yoga.
am on antidepressants.
take beta blockers.
attend weekly psychodynamic psychotherapy.

I'm doing all of these at once.

Strong anti depressants ( I didn't think I was depressed at first.)
CBT.
No caffeine - I can have a couple of cups of tea a day now.
regular exercise.
A hobby to concentrate on.
Magnesium supplement.

And lots of time, as time passes it gets easier.

Thank you all so much for replying. I’m so glad to hear that you’ve been able to find ways to manage your anxiety - it gives me hope

I live on caffeine and hadn’t realised it has such an impact, although now you’ve pointed it out it makes complete sense - I don’t need to be any more wired than I already am

For those who have done CBT - my understanding is that CBT is almost retraining your thought process and very much moving forward/learning to manage your anxiety (which is ultimately what I want), but how does this sit in terms of understanding the cause? I feel like I have some deep seated confidence issues, which I can find no understanding of or why they exist, but they feed my anxiety like crazy. It’s like i have imposter syndrome every time I experience any uncertainty or make a mistake, which then fuels some OCD tendencies as I start to think - if I’d checked that report one more time I would have noticed the error. And so the cycle continues...

Oracle - I will try keeping a diary. I know I turn into a dementor around my period. Before my last period I cried in the toilets at work every day for week, and several times in front of my boss - luckily she is very king and understanding.

I’m going to try and put some bits into practice tonight - and try and remind myself that my world will not implode when I get t the office tomorrow!

Thank you all, it’s so helpful- I do feel a bit less hopeles xxxx

I have GAD and it's managed beautifully by citalopram. I think I'm still more anxious than the average person, and I still have bad days, but I no longer stay awake worrying about nothing and I rarely get that feeling of impending doom for no reason.

I might have missed it (very tired!) but I don't think you've mentioned SSRIs or any other form of medication?

I've had anxiety for years and years, a course of CBT didn't help. Forcing myself to do things didn't help. Even getting married to a wonderful man and being successful didn't help.

It wasn't until a particularly bad time (when I realised nothing was helping...) that I was referred to my local mental health team and assessed -- the root of my anxiety was finally found: Complex PTSD due to severe childhood trauma. Every abuse you can think of. I've always just 'got on' by ignoring my past and been very focused to succeed, but once I reached my goals I couldn't distract myself anymore.

My life got so much better after I could finally understand why I was so anxious and had all these symptoms that I thought were normal (flashbacks, hypervigilance, very hard on myself, inner critic, perfectionist, seeing risk and catastrophe everywhere).

Have you been assessed and the cause of your anxiety been found? It's okay if it's generalised anxiety, that's a normal thing too. There doesn't always seem to be a reason!

Generally though, these things help:
No caffeine. Whatsoever.
Healthy diet
Lots of exercise
Being kind to yourself (especially for PTSD)
Routine
Good friends/family (limit contact with toxicness)
Meditation
Congratulating yourself on the little things

I've come to accept I'll never be anxiety free, it's a natural feeling afterall, but I can manage it so that it's not life-limiting. There are bad days and good days but overall things do get better. Promise.

I used to take citalopram a few years back. I found they helped me a lot. My circumstances changed and I felt a lot better, so slowly came off them... but things have deteriorated over the last few months and my new GP (moved house) has put me on sertraline as she said this may be better for anxiety. I’ve been taking them for a month, but I haven’t really noticed much improvement yet - although I gather it can take around 6 weeks?

AntMoon - and hugs

Understanding the cause feels really important to me too. I just wish I could understand why I react the way I do - although I really can think of no reason. I guess that’s why I need to see someone who has more insight than me

I am swearing off coffee from this moment on. Need to find some time to squeeze some exercise in. Work long hours, with an hr commute and DD who doesnt sleep though and gets up at 4am daily - lunch time walks.

Other than not eating crap, is there anything recommended to help with anxiety food wise? I always have 3 meals a day, but lately have been eating rubbish convenience food as I’m just so drained it’s all I can manage

Lots of things tO work on

I've suffered with anxiety for years now but finally seem to be able to manage it pretty well.

Some things I do are - take a magnesium supplement and amino acids. I found a forum post a few years ago on an anxiety forum and so many people had found it helpful. It's best to take magnesium citrate I believe as is the most bioavailable. I also notice a massive link between my gut health and my anxiety so I take a pro-biotic and am now adding fermented foods like sauerkraut, kombucha and kefir to my diet.

I find acupuncture a big help and go monthly now to help keep on top of it. Sleep is also a biggie, and I notice a big rise in anxiety if I'm sleep deprived. Exercise is a massive help. Even just rubbing on the spot a few times a day until you're a bit puffed really helps get rid of the excess adrenaline in your system.

I had counselling last year which was a help, although I haven't found cbt that helpful. One thing I would absolutely advise is the book "Dare" by Barry McDonagh. That's probably the thing that has helped me the most with mine. It has some really simple techniques for dealing with anxiety and mine has been mostly gone since I read and implemented the advice.

i've had CBT, hypnotherapy and take therapeutic dose of AD. I have 1 cup of coffee a day, get plenty of sleep and run twice a week and walk 40 mins (to/from work) every day. I still gets ups and downs, most of them hormonal. But I've dealt with issues from the past through hypnotherapy and have been writing blogs for a couple of years now (about all sorts), they helped me dealing with moving country, mc as well as losing my dad and gran all within 3 yrs of each other. Also, avoiding "energy vampires" helps me.

@AnxiousAnnnie

Don't overwhelm yourself with too many changes hon, be gentle with yourself

Oooh after I quit caffeine cold turkey I had a hell of a headache/migraine for a week, if you drink a lot maybe start by cutting down gradually?

Sometimes anxiety can be a learned response and CBT is really helpful to re-programme our fiddly brains. It can be hormonal/chemical too, so it's definitely worth looking into medication, SSRIs if it's really affecting your quality of life day to day.

You sound like you've got really good introspection and a great attitude, I'd just say small steps are just as important than big ones. Especially as you have a lovely family to look after!

Oh and don't compare yourself to anyone. Maybe I'm projecting but it's easy to compare in our social media infused lives, but things are never quite as they're portrayed!

Like misskatamari I take magnesium too, and getting a good night's sleep helps a lot. I've not tried acupuncture, I'm tempted to now....

@AntMoon Acupuncture is great. It helped me so much when my anxiety was really bad years ago. I just got monthly now as a sort of top up/tonic to help me feel more balanced etc, and it's always so relaxing and bolstering x

Tried loads of stuff, the biggest impact was made by:

Avoiding caffeine (including tea)
Exercise
Sertraline (having avoided taking ADs for about 10 years of needing them, 50mg a day made me feel SO much more stable after about 3 weeks of taking them)

It rings alarm bells that you’re working in your annual leave. That should not be the case and is detrimental in the long run as your brain doesn’t have a chance to relax. Can you talk to your boss and shift some stuff off your plate or ask for some help. Appreciate that may make you feel more stressed in itself because it’s like showing them you’re not coping and and therefore failing (thus confirming your fears that you’re cocking it up) but you actually AREN’T coping at the moment and you need to own that. They will appreciate it if you explain and they can put appropriate measures in place to make sure nothing gets dropped.

@misskatamari with that endorsment I'll definitely be trying it, Googling some local ones now! Thanks :)

I tried medication to begin with but it really didn’t agree with me.

I then tried CBD with a therapist and it helped a bit but I never really felt comfortable with the sessions.

I eventually decided to go it alone and used the following books:

Teach Yourself Cognitive Behavioural Therapy by Christine Wilding and Aileen Milne

Brilliant Cognitive Behavioural Therapy by Dr Stephen Briers

I preferred the Brilliant book but both were useful.

The above really helped when I was in my worst phase and things were starting to overwhelm me.

To keep in an even keel, I then also went down the “recovering” route and planned my lifestyle accordingly. I kept a diary for a few weeks and noted what made me feel most calm, including: having a long, warm shower, going for a short jog around the block, seeing close friends for a cup of tea and having general chit chat, getting into a good novel, early bed, daily stretches/Pilates, cooking and eating a healthy meal.

I would now say I am pretty much recovered, although when a stressful situation arises it does trigger another episode. However I now have the tools to deal with such an episode quickly and effectively.

Good luck, you can and will get through this!

Thank you all so much for your replies and for taking the time to offer your advice - i appreciate it so much.

My boss is aware of the situation and is supportive. Last week she moved a big project to another area of the dept to cut me some slack (it wasn’t physically possible for me to complete the work with only 4 working days in the office - having lots of annual leave to us up). Work is tricky as everyone is overloaded, but it helps knowing at least my manager is understanding. The trouble is she’s also quite like me and I don’t think she has a healthy relationship with work, in order to keep on top of things.

I’ve finally found a therapist with some availability which I’m very pleased about

Thank you all again so much for your messages - it has honestly stopped me feeling so hopeless and my heart it warmed by the kindness of strangers. Thank you ❤️

Another one here who's anxiety has become an issue since the menopause. Work is certainly the conduent to it. I have no reasons really to be anxious about it, it is just my nature. I always want to please, care what others think not so much of je but my work and accomplishments and I set myself very high standards. It was OK until the menopause kicked in and was able to cope with high stress and switch off at least at night.

It's now ruling my life as I'm caught in the vicious circle of anxiety affecting be physically and the way I feel physically raises my anxiety. Ie. I worry about a work deadline, that worry impacts on my sleep, poor sleep impacts significantly on my concentration so I'm not progressing with work as I want and that makes me anxious.

The three most useful thing I do to combat is are:

• taking time to switch off, mainly going for walks. I make myself do it at lunch time even if I think I've got to get on with it, and I do it 3 or 4 times after work or I go to the gym.
• when I start to get all anxious, I now trigger the words in my head 'it doesn't t matter' and repeat it to myself. Most of the time I can get to the point when indeed I can believe that the things that get to me don't really matter.
• I try hard not to live in anticipation but for the day. I'm a massive planner so that's hard to do but I give myself some time in the day to write all I need to plan and when the thoughts of'what if, should I, what will happen' etc...come to me and I can't chase them, I start counting in my head 1,2,3,4!

All in all I remind myself that my anxieties haven't taken me anywhere horrible so kind of accept it and try not to let myself become anxious about my anxieties!

I have GAD and PTSD. have also suffered from depression. I had a very difficult time where I was off work long term. Mybwork situation caused the breakdown but my underlying PTSD was triggered.

I have had CBT in the past and it had been ok but this time round I really clicked with my therapist and really engaged in the sessions. I became very reflective and did a lot of paper exercises which I thought didn't help but I can see the value now. I had sertraline and some propanolol and quetiapine (tiny amoubt) which set me off on a more even keel so I was able to get myself together enough to put other things in place.

I have basically retrained my brain. I had a tendency to catastrophise and would be awake for hours thibking the world was going to end because I had made a mistake. I did lots of Automatic Thought Records where you acknowledge the feelibgs you have and then rationalize them through to sort of weigh up evidence for and against how you're feeling. Then you make a more informed decision and re-rate your feelings.

I had to learn to be a lot kinder to myself. So I schedule in things that i enjoy and then make sure I follow through and do them. I've become more open about how I'm feeling and don't feel embarrassed about it any more.

I'm off all medication now and have been able to go back to full time work and am happy in family life. In work if somethibg starts worrying me I take time to think "is this my anxiety talking?" I can then rationalise things much better and I try to nip problems in the bud rather that frettting about stuff when I get home.

Interested to hear about magnesium supplements. I will definitely look into that.
Good luck OP