AIBU I want my husband to stop smocking so we can have a baby

[jophie80]

So 3 years ago we took fertility tests and found out that my DH has a low sperm count and they don't move, the doctor said that his smocking likely contributes to this issue, and that he should stop.
I am in my late thirties and we have been trying for a baby for 5 years!
But whenever I try to have a sensible conservation about us having a baby, he simply tells me that he is not willing to change his lifestyle to have a baby and maybe this (being childless) is the best option for us.
BUT I know he wants children (I mean he gets happy every time I have had a miss period/think I am pregnant), and now his male friends are starting to have babies too with their partners, and I know how much that hurts him, as he has told me so. Yet he refuses to take a leap and try to stop smocking, nor does he want to consider IVF (through private health care), I have tried to get him to see a doctor but he has refused.
Also, You see he is younger than me, and I now want to have that conversation to tell him that look years 2019-2020 realistically are going to be the best years for me to have a baby, I am not worried about some fertility cliff drop (i know that is fear mongering), but I also don't want to have a baby in my mid-forties.
I am looking for advice about how best to approach this issue to get him to understand my position

smocking is a body painting fetish- but I’m not sure how that would hinder fertility §

if he really wanted a baby with you he would be doing anything to make it happen and if he has been told smoking is affecting his sperm he should want to stop. the fact he doesn’t rings alarm bells and you should be having a serious conversation with him to find out if having a baby is seriously what he wants. my husband had a low count, motility and morphology and basically we were told IVF was our only option. my husband took a tablet called fertilix for a month and we conceived 5 weeks after being told we we would need ivf. it’s wuite pricey (i think it was £70 for a months supply) but worth looking into as i think it helped improve my husbands sperm.

Is smocking a euphemism for something weird?

Sorry - just twigged - didn’t mean to sound sarky

@MyLearnedFriend, yes, I noticed that too .....

The OP posted this thread at 5.18 this morning, may be she was bleary eyed 🤷‍♀️ Or does she repeatedly spell it smocking?

Yep she does

OP sorry to tell you this but it's not 'fearmongering' that fertility drops off a cliff. ARe you serious?! Of course fertility massively declines as a woman ages.

IVF is massively (massively) less likely to work once you are 40 - if you are going to get pregnant it really does make a difference each passing year in your late thirties.

When you say but he wants one.., how do you know

OMG OP, I ve just realised. Are you D. Trump?
Smocking...
Have you had covfefe yet?

How would you feel about the relationship if he said he didn’t want children?

I think his unwillingness to make any changes at all, despite medical advice, is doing so without using the actual words.

Men who want to have babies follow all the advice that’s readily available out there - quit smoking, take the vitamins, cut down on alcohol and caffeine, wear loose pants, watch their weight. All the same annoying stuff we have to do if conceiving doesn’t happen right away. There’s plenty men can do to help things along. When those don’t work and you’re considering fertility treatment that’s a whole other ballgame and you have to be a proper team.

He’s not really with you in this endeavour as he’s apparently NOT that fussed. It’s his actions, not his words, which count. If he’s failing at being on the same page as you are now, there are all sorts of things that can happen once you’re pregnant where you’d want to know he was in it with both feet and would be there for you. It’s not looking great if his commitment is so weak at this point.