To think my sons school isn't doing enough?

[Desperatetobeamummyonedaysoon]

My son is Aug born and one of the youngest. In yrs R and 1 his teacher was strict. He genuinely had glowing reports and she had no concerns. She made one passing comment that he can occasionally be a little boisterous but she said hes young and likes to have fun. She said she had no concerns and wasnt misbehaving.

Im now being told by his yr 3 teacher that he is easily distracted, messes about and sometimes back chats. She gives him several warnings before taking action and isnt very strict. My son responds well to firm boundaries and discipline. She said in yr 2 they try to encourage them to choose the right behaviour rather than in yrs r and 1 where theyr are just told what to do.

She said his behaviour is getting worse and whilst at the moment academically hes doing well this will slip if his behaviour doesnt improve... one e.g is in assembly he doesnt sit still, he figits and messes around however when hes fully engaged he sits and learns/plays really well. Im firm at home.

I have noticed even in yr r and 1 but im noticing it more now that in say a school play or singing, the others stand quietly and sing or just listen whereas he figits, laughs or looks around and forgets to sing. He doesnt have adhd or anything else.. hes not that bad i dont think (but could be much better) .. but essentially hes just a happy, excitable little boy who's easily distracted and isnt great at sitting silently! Has anyone else gone through this?

I wish id held him back a year now as hes not mature enough to start juniors next year but i think its too late now (i.e. get him to re do yr 2 - in another school).

It may just be that your child WAS fidgety and disruptive in class but in infants they generally Move around more and are sitting less.
Please don't make this about the teachers scritness. It is your child who is being disruptive

"Bum...." really? Gosh thats really worrying.. he'll have just turned 7 and wont get any more adult direction? Wow! That's crazy! Im schocked! Time to start saving to send him to a small caring but strict private school I think!! (Now thetes a whole new debate eh!)

Ballsdeep he was the same child in yr 1 july as the one in sept yr2.. diff teacher tjo. The head said yr 2 teacher is less strict (her comment not mine). I know he responds well to duscipine in school. If theyre less strict of course he will push boundaries more .. most kids would. His new teacher is great but different style... he responded better to yr 1 teacher but hey theres 30 kids per class so she cant treat them all diferently. Yes as he gets older he mist taje more responsibility and rely less on adults telling him what to do .. but... he's only 6 for goodness sake!!!

I’m not saying they won’t get any direction but in juniors they tend to encourage responsibility for their own choices more and more in preparation for senior school.
You have already seen that more is expected in yr 2. Behaviour expectations will only increase as he gets older - and quite rightly so. A year 3 child should be expected to behave much better than a year 1 child etc.

Sounds like classic single child syndrom. He has no idea how to cope with being bored. He gets 1:1 attention at home, is able to concentrate as long as he is given lots of exciting things to do.

Solution is to slowly get him to practice coping when he has nothing to do. Start with a few minutes and work up. Mum is cooking, sit on a chair silently and still watching. The news is on, sit beside me silently and still while I watch it. Here is a (slightly boring) book sit silently and still whilst reading it. Before you get to play you have to sit silently and still imagining a story which you will make up in your head. And so on.

I'm not sure if you're serious about the private schools, but just in case - the private schools near me have way higher expectations, their focus is results and they're the opposite of nurturing. I'm sure different private schools offer different things though, so just be careful what you pick.

Thanks everyone for all your great advice. Im feeling a little better. I spoke to his breakfast club and they said hes generally well behaved. They said some days he sits and plays quietly. Other days he quite lively and energetic and sometimes they have to tell him to calm down but she said hes never "naughty".. that was her description which im so pleased about. Hes a lively, energetic, bubbly and very inquisitive lottle boy. He needs to calm down a little on occasions but i think theres worde traits.

*worse

Sounds like it's when he has to knuckle down to work he gets distracted, messes about and sometimes back chats then. If you think the problem is that his class teacher isn't strict enough and gives him several warnings before taking action, whereas he responds well to firm boundaries and discipline, could you just suggest she only gives one warning before taking action?

They just play and eat at breakfast club though. It sounds like it’s sitting and working that’s the problem?

Actually I think it is a teacher/school problem.
Ive asked so many times that they choose for him who he sits with in assembly if he continues to make bad choices but they insist he needs to learn to choose.
This is ridiculous - at Secondary age, children do not get to choose who they sit with most of the time, there is a seating plan - and these are carefully chosen to promote good behaviour and engagement among other things. So why a teacher would expect a 6/7 year old to make such good choices for themselves I don't know. My DC throughout primary used to sit in alphabetical order, except for certain children (who usually had SN's that made concentration hard) who would be sat next to a TA/teacher.

Sounds a bit like my summer born DD - she was recently diagnosed with dyspraxia - might be worth asking your GP for a referral? If it is something like this it may help to know in order to devise support strategies.