Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this fair split of xmas presents?

31 replies

Looking4wards · 10/12/2018 10:10

DH and I have bought FIL and his partner (of many years if that's relevant) their xmas presents for this year - £40 each on the same item different colours.

I was doing an online order for other presents. There was a spend £x to get free delivery. As I was close to the limit I added a book that DH or FIL would like to read. So the book was only an extra £5.

Now it's arrived, DH wants to give it to FIL. I said we should add a small something to his partner's present as well then in case she feels like it's a bit of a snub that FIL gets 2 and she gets one? DH said he didn't see why we should, he loves his father more. I was a bit Hmm (because I actually like his partner more and she's shown much more interested in our DS than FIL has ever bothered to).
I suggested a box of chocolates for the partner. DH insists FIL should get more stuff, but I'm not sure. She's so lovely and I don't want her to think in any way that we don't consider her part of the family.

So my question is this: if you were the partner and got 1 thing compared to FIL's 2, would you feel a bit Hmm.

OP posts:
ellesbellesxxx · 10/12/2018 10:11

I wouldn’t.. they are similar values which I am sure would be obvious. Your intentions are very considerate though

vodkaanddietcokeplease · 10/12/2018 10:12

I wouldn't feel off about it as the receiver, however, my opinion would be the same as yours. I'd get a box of chocs to go with the other gift to keep them both the same Smile

ViragoKnows · 10/12/2018 10:14

Buy her the chocolates. Why on earth is he objecting?

MaderiaCycle · 10/12/2018 10:16

For the sake of a fiver......get the chocolate or whatever.

blackteasplease · 10/12/2018 10:18

Either way is fine. For the sake of a 5er it doesn't really matter!I would probably get the chocolates and can't see why he's making a big fuss about it.

Disfordarkchocolate · 10/12/2018 10:19

I would get a small extra gift, a little something from your son.

ineedtostopbeingsolazy · 10/12/2018 10:23

Why don't you just get her the chocolates, I'm not sure why your dh gets the final say or even cares

loubluee · 10/12/2018 10:26

I’m like you OP, I like same value, number of gifts etc. As I don’t want the recipient to feel they are not as important as someone else. I would buy the box of chocolates or maybe a nice candle (TKMax have had some lovely ones in around the £5 mark lately)

DramaInPyjamas · 10/12/2018 10:28

What would happen if you bought the chocolates regardless of his opinion? Why does he get final say over who gives and who gets? Just label the chocolate from yourself if he’s that bothered.

ItWentDownMyHeartHole · 10/12/2018 10:29

Disfordarkchocolate’s idea is great. A little gift from your DS to her.

Original poster
Looking4wards · 10/12/2018 10:31

Oh maybe a nice candle! That's probably a better idea than chocolates, thanks.

I can get the chocolates and he wouldn't stop me. I was just taken back by his comment about FIL should get more and he loves his FIL more. Not sure if that's unreasonable though... of course you'd love your dad more than his partner, but I was still Hmm.

OP posts:
Cherries101 · 10/12/2018 10:33

It’s his family, he has made the decision. Stick to it.

Fridaydreamer · 10/12/2018 10:33

Wow. Your DH would risk hurting her feelings for the sake of a box of chocolates. That’s quite sad.

Please get her the chocolates or something. Especially as she’s show more interest in your child.

Wellfuckmeinbothears · 10/12/2018 10:34

I’m sorry but are you all children?

ViragoKnows · 10/12/2018 10:34

of course you'd love your dad more than his partner, but I was still hmm.

Quite. Is your OH usually childish?

Original poster
Looking4wards · 10/12/2018 10:37

Quite. Is your OH usually childish?

No it was so out of character!

OP posts:
MyKingdomForBrie · 10/12/2018 10:48

I buy my mum more than I buy her DH, and of course I love her more! He buys me a smaller gift than she buys me. No one is in the least surprised or offended!

If you want to buy her the candle just do, it's a nice thought.

CantSleepClownsWillEatMe · 10/12/2018 10:48

While I don't usually worry about spending precisely the same amount on people, in this case you've bought them both the exact same gift so it's a bit more obvious that fil got something extra. Not that I'd care at all if DH got a little extra but if you think it could hurt her feelings and given it's so easy to just add a little token item to hers (and you haven't suggested the extra fiver would stretch your budget) I can't see why he's objecting Confused. It just seems such a fuss over nothing really.

Of course in my family the extra item would be handed to my dad while announcing "Now don't start getting ideas about yourself, that was FREE, you're not special ok" Grin. He'd then get a kick out of telling all and sundry we only gave him freebies for Christmas!

Shepherdspieisminging · 10/12/2018 10:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Orangecake123 · 10/12/2018 10:55

I would just add something small if you wanted to.

Trinity66 · 10/12/2018 10:57

I doubt his partner would give it a second thought tbh

lifecouldbeadream · 10/12/2018 11:04

It’s funny- we have EXACTLY this. My DH’s parents spend exactly the same on both of us. My DF spends a fiver more on me than my DH....... not really an issue, but a clear dividing line..... Grin

ArcheryAnnie · 10/12/2018 11:09

If you want to add a little something from you (although you needn't put a label on it saying so) to your FIL's partner, then that's up to you and your DH doesn't get a say.

(I buy presents for people I like, regardless as to whether I'm blood-related to them or not.)

PermanentlyFrizzyHairBall · 10/12/2018 11:22

It would be OK without the chocolates but it's nice to add them on why on earth is DH so against it?

EdisonLightBulb · 10/12/2018 11:29

Buy the candle, it's not really your DH's decision whether you buy something for the step mum. If he wants he can give the bloody book from just him and you can give the candle from just you!

Swipe left for the next trending thread