That exP said this to me.

[Amazona24]

AIBU that my ex and DS dad said this to me? I had painted my nails earlier in the day as I had my work Xmas due. DS who is 2 and a half saw me doing this and asked if he could have some on a few nails. I thought what's the harm he's a toddler. When ex came to pick him up he spotted the nail varnish and said to me "I don't like it, he's a boy! Why have you done that? Can you not do that in future as I'm now going to have to scrap it off"

I mean he's a toddler no one cares! And even if he was older and wanted to paint his nails id have no issues. I've always thought he can be his own person and do what he wants.

Nothing. It would have just started a fight. Just keep doing what I'm doing, if he doesn't like it then tough. He can remove it when he has him if it bothers him that much.

If he wants to remove it, that is completely his prerogative

No response required from you whatsoever

I just said to him it does no harm. Just nail varnish. He just said well I don't like it. And sorry was meant to say AIBU to be annoying in my OP.

Your allowed to like it and he’s (ex) allowed not to like it. Let him remove it if he likes, and you can re-paint them if your son asks for it when you see him.

The point isn't about liking it or not. It's the concept behind why he doesn't like it because it's "girly".
Another example is that he wouldn't want his DS to do dance class just football because it's manly

football is manly ?? has he not seen pro footballers hug and kiss each other when they score a goal ? let ds enjoy being a child and if he want to dress up and be like you, then why not when he is with you ? ex can call the shots when he has ds. a 2 yo wearing nail polish is hardly going to cause long term trauma. maybe ex thinks it reflects on him as a man, or is he homophobic / a dick ?

With all due respect, it's really none of your business why he thinks it's girly. He doesn't owe you an explanation and it's not worth a fight over. Just keep doing what you're doing, he can remove it if he doesn't like it and sooner or later your son will be old enough to decide for himself without either parent involvement. Same with the dance classes. Take him if you want, he can take him to football.

Perhaps your ex DP doesn't have nail varnish remover and would rather you didn't paint his nails just before he collects him.

paint well yes he is an emotionally abusive dick. I remember before I left DS was a baby crying and he said "boys don't cry"!
knitted I think it is my business if he is telling DS what's manly and whats not.

My dad hated nail polish on me when i was little and used to scrape it off rather than use remover. I remember it being very painful. Don’t let your ex scrape it off. The only person to suffer will be your little boy.
Btw I don’t think you are unreasonable at all. Who cares if he wants his nails painted! Your ex is being unreasonable

No, it's really not and it will do your son a hell of a lot more damage for his parents to be fighting over something as stupid as nail polish than his father disliking it.

So what if he thinks it's girly. Remember this is all probably part of the reason he is an ex - you have different views on marriage, life, the universe...
Don't let it get under your skin... Just ignore the comment and do what you want with your little boy. Have confidence in yourself and doing the right thing. Unfortunately your boy will learn of two approaches to life and that's the case always when families split but that's not a bad thing. As long as you model kindness, fairness, strength and love he will be fine... x

I don’t think you’ll be changing his misogynist views any time soon, so I’d not say anything but just carry on doing what you want when your son is with you. It’s not worth the angst, you won’t change him but it will stir up strife which you’ll then have the fallout from.

FWIW I’d hate it if my DD was brought to me with painted nails. Not judging those who do it but I personally think it’s horrible on little kids. And id be really annoyed if I was heading out somewhere where it would be seen. Just my opinion.
As a PP the reason behind it is irrelevant and I’m assuming part of the reason he is now an ex.
I’d not engage with it but make sure he has some remover.

Ask him why he's so unsure about his masculinity that he really thinks a bit of nail varnish can do any harm whatsoever.

I painted 2 of my DS nails as he asked me to and I didn't force him. I just think he has a problem with his son looking girly. I want to start my DS doing gymnastics but I'm not tell his dad as I already know he would have an issue with it

Presumably this kind of idiocy is why he's your ex, right?

He sounds like a complete prick. Have a lovely time at your party and thank god you’re rid of him and his crap sexism

I think you are deliberately trying to goad him.

gymnastics isn't just for girls and women, look at the men on the parallel bars for example, those muscles are developed through sheer hard work.

notthefordtype yea.pretty much. He was emotionally, mentally and financially abusive and so I lived in a refuge for 6 months. This was 2 years ago now

I'd pick my battles with someone like that.

Unfortunately you know your dh is a dick about things like this so in hindsight, telling him you'd do it when he came home would have been better, or doing his toes as they're hidden by socks when he's with his dad.

As for the gymnastics, my son chose to do gymnastics as he didn't like football. He absolutely loves it and it's really good for his confidence and health. There are some awesome leotards for boys if you're prepared to hunt them down. There's 3 others in his group and several other groups in their club. And have you seen the physique of the Olympic male gymnasts?

My other son does trampolining.

Both tried football and for various reasons it wasn't for them. Though they still enjoy kicking a ball around the park.

Your son is very young but I'd start working on his confidence and resilience. Otherwise what his dad says may influence him more than you'd like it to.

mini that's exactly it. I don't want his dad to influence him and for our DS to make his own choices. If he doesn't like gymnastics then I wouldn't force that on him. Where as I can just see football will be forced on him by his dad and I know he will make him feel bad if he didn't like it. I can see it now

I could have written this post myself. I had the exact same response from my exh when my DS wanted his nails painted. There are 4 teenage girls, my son, and I, in our house. He's immersed in 'girly' stuff every day. If he wants nail varnish like his sisters - fine. If he wants his his eyebrows shaped (pretending obv) like his sisters - fine. I'm not telling him that certain things are for boys and certain things are for girls.
Exh doesn't like it, but it's not personal against him - it makes his son happy. He even turned around and said it would make his son gay. For once I didn't even know how to respond to that.