Should I admit to 12 year lie? (Probably not as interesting as you think though, sorry)

[Braneycat]

So me and DH have been together 12 years. We got together really young (16) and while I was experienced sexually, he wasn't. I think most women would agree that we were taught that the male orgasm was more important than our own, and as he was quite insecure about my sexual partners and lack of his own, I faked most of my orgasms. Its now been 12 years, he has long gotten over his insecurities, but I'm still faking. He thinks it only takes me a couple of minutes, but in reality I'm worried about it taking longer incase he thinks there's an issue and I feel really self conscious when I try to orgasm in my own time. Should I just own up so we can work through it together? I do actually enjoy our sex life, but we've had a big rocky patch recently and I was very honest about alot of things and it was very helpful in opening communication, but I think I might need some male ego navigating here.

I had what I thought was a ONS and faked it. Then it happened again and I faked it again. It was my now DH. Sometimes I would orgasm but rarely. I didn't want to hurt his feelings. I kept quiet for about 3 years and eventually just stopped faking but on a sort of phased basis. He never questioned it at all, but he did start learning new things, of his own accord. He is now amazing.

Stop faking and if he asks say you don't know why, maybe your body is changing.

don't make it something that he can blame his own mandhood for like being lied to for 12 years of not getting you your orgasm.
couldn't you just say it ssoemthing your stgglig with now your getting older and its simply now starting to take longer to orgasm.so stop faking it now!

Ignorance is bliss. Don't tell him, it's too late for that.
The important thing is you enjoy sex with him, orgasm or not.
You could also try to make it all last longer, do something a bit different.

Congratulations on being together all those years! The pair of you obviously have staying power.

I feel I ought to give a little background to explain better how we got to this point.

I am aware it's not normal to have faked it this long.

About 7 months before me and DH got together I was sexually assaulted quite badly. It really knocked my confidence, coupled with my DH insecurities I didn't WANT sex to last too long. Hence the orgasm in minutes. It felt expected of me.
Then after two years we fell pregnant and I developed PND and terrible anxiety around sex, I couldn't do it if the kids were in the house, I had to shower after because I felt dirty. I had zero sex drive and, on the rare ocassions we did have sex, I wanted it over and done with. This also happened with our second.
I didn't have my first self induced orgasm until I was 21.
Its only been in the last two years I felt better mentally, but I still didn't have a sex drive. I've had therapy, hormone testing ect but it was something me and DH had to work through together. For whatever reason something switched in my brain about 4 months ago and now, hurrah! I have a sex drive! Still not as high as DH but I'm getting there and I want to do it right. Its a habit and an anxiety I've created myself and I'm aware of that, but I want to correct it now. Having no orgasm regularly doesn't mean shit sex either. He is always willing to try new things and work for it but I get panicked if I take too long, which is something I want to stop doing so that I also enjoy it. We are both enjoying this new found enthusiasm, something that hasn't been present for most of our relationship.

I would use the rocky patch as the excuse. Just tell him ever since you’ve been finding it hard to climax etc etc can we try some new things?

^ this