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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed?

28 replies

SofaKingFedUp · 09/12/2018 20:24

My DSFs family have a Christmas meal out every year where they book a large area of a specific restaurant and they have food, drinks and Christmassy party games, catered to children and adults. It's cute, and very much a lovely family thing they do. I've never been able to go as I am usually working every year. This year I am on maternity leave, so it's my DD's first christmas and I would like to start doing family things around Christmas so DD will grow up having good memories (I know she's young to remember yet but I am excited for family time too) I don't see my dad's family as they live about an 8 hour train journey away (dad passed away when I was very young) and my mum's family are awful so we don't see them, but they are also far away anyway. DSF family chose a certain date for the meal, which is my DN birthday also. They asked my DB and his gf if this was ok or should they change it, DB and gf both said it was fine as they had no plans as such, so the family said they would do it as a joint birthday/Christmas meal. Made a special cake (he has allergies) bought banners and balloons etc etc so all was set. They paid the deposit to the restaurant and we were all looking forward to it.
Now my DB and his gf have turned around and said they have hired out a soft play area for DN's birthday for 2 hours, one hour playing, one hour in the dance room for food and cake. The same day as the meal, after telling the family that they had no plans so will be attending the meal.
They booked it for 12 til 2. Everyone is meeting at 1. The place the soft play party is, is the complete other end of the city, meaning it will take about 2 hours, with the traffic as it's Christmas and we have to get the bus.
I know it's his first birthday but all the people they are inviting have young babies who can't use the soft play to it's full potential, they don't have much for babies and toddlers so I see no point. Also why did they have to book it for that day AFTER agreeing to go to the meal. The meal now can't be changed as they are fully booked and DB and gf are refusing to do the party the day before or after "even if they could" those were the words they said.
So now I have to miss out on most of the Christmas meal, me and my DM asked of we could maybe just come for half the party and then go to the meal but DB didn't like this. I just feel like they have messed everyone around. They have a play area at the restaurant too, so the babies would have something to play on there.

AIBU to be annoyed here? Or am I supposed to be there for DN birthday no questions asked, no matter what plans we all had?

OP posts:
BumbleBeee69 · 09/12/2018 20:29

Screw the Birthday Bash and go straight to the Christmas Family Bash, why bother wasting your time sat in hours of traffic, just so you can attend a baby party that won't even be remembered.

I assume there is a large enough Family to carry on regardless.

So go to the officially arranged event.

Aquamarine1029 · 09/12/2018 20:29

I wouldn't even consider missing that lovely Christmas party. Shame on your brother and his partner for being so shockingly ungrateful and inconsiderate. You made a commitment to attend your step-family's party and you should go.

BumbleBeee69 · 09/12/2018 20:31

I think what your DB & GF have done is the height of ignorance btw. Hmm

Thesmallthings · 09/12/2018 20:34

Id tell them you had agreed to go to the Christmas party first so your going, wish them well.

Celticlassie · 09/12/2018 20:36

What smallthings said - you committed to lunch first so that trumps subsequent invitations. It sounds like DB's being an arse.

Pachyderm1 · 09/12/2018 20:39

Definitely miss the birthday party - just tell them you have a prior engagement (which they knew about!) and won’t be attending.

DianaT1969 · 09/12/2018 20:40

Absolutely no way I'd go to a baby's party at soft play when I've already RSVPd to another event. Tell them you wouldn't dream of being so rude. Neither should your mother.
If they hold it against you, then they were looking for a fight.
Part of being an adult is choising where we spend our time.

user1484424013 · 09/12/2018 20:42

Christmas family bash.

Original poster
SofaKingFedUp · 09/12/2018 20:43

I have always thought spending money to hire out anything/anywhere for a first birthday is pointless as it's not remembered. We have said about not going to the birthday party but DB got very angry about this and said ok fine, and then made comments to suggest we wouldn't see DN again. A passive aggressive Facebook status from the gf also suggested this. And DB told my mum that she may she DN on Christmas day, she may not. Which upset her alot as she has bought him a few gifts as they were struggling with money. (Another reason why I don't understand the paying for a pointless birthday party)
I love DN and of course want to see him on his birthday, but I feel the Christmas meal would be much more enjoyable for everyone, DB and gf included. They're very selfish. But I just wanted confirmation that we weren't BU, like DB made out.

OP posts:
Maelstrop · 09/12/2018 20:45

Yup, you booked for the family meal first and your DC is way too young for soft play, totally pointless to go there. Go straight to the meal. Stupid to try to do both.

Eliza9917 · 09/12/2018 20:55

I wouldn't go at all. I'd go to the Christmas dinner instead.

Spam88 · 09/12/2018 21:03

I'd definitely be going to the meal - that was arranged first and they were fully aware and happy with that 🤷‍♀️

Ohyesiam · 09/12/2018 21:05

I’d give the soft play a miss.

Ime there is no point trying to dance to the tune of people who do passive aggressive threats to withhold contact.
If they don’t do it now, they’ll do it in 6 months time. Seriously, don’t pussy foot around them, just quietly make your choice.
Just remember there is no reasoning with unreasonable people, if they want to manipulate and create drama, that’s what they are going to do. You can bend over backwards for them and you’ll still be in the wrong somewhere along the line ( sooner rather than later).
Their volatility is their weapon, they’ll keep everyone guessing as to what they’ll kick off about next so you’ll all be uncomfortable.
Trust me, you’ll never win, go to the lovely restaurant party.

Merryoldgoat · 09/12/2018 21:10

Fuck that. They’re the ones who’ll lose out.

Go to the lovely Christmas party and leave them to it.

longwayoff · 09/12/2018 21:10

So sorry DB, already booked for that date. A one year old will get no joy from soft play, keep your original plans.

seven201 · 09/12/2018 21:37

It's incredibly rude to cancel plans because you have a better offer. Not that this is even remotely a better offer. Stand your ground and say you can't attend.

BumbleBeee69 · 09/12/2018 21:39

they're a selfish pair of twats, I hope your Mother is not being bullied into attending Flowers

MadeForThis · 09/12/2018 21:40

Go to the meal. They were asked if it was ok. Too late to change arrangements now

Bambamber · 09/12/2018 21:41

I wouldn't give in to their silky threats. They will continue to behave like this all the time people give in to the. What a pair of brats

Disfordarkchocolate · 09/12/2018 21:43

I think it's very rude to accept an invitation and then cancel to do something else. For this reason I would be going to the family Christmas meal and letting your brother know why. Good luck, it's not fair when people tried to be so accommodating.

FrogFairy · 09/12/2018 21:46

Stick with the family meal.

What your brother and his partner have is so ridiculous I would wonder if it was a deliberate ploy to cause trouble. No reasonable person would accept the meal invitation then book a party on the same day at the same time. What a pair of twats.

Newsername · 09/12/2018 21:46

You all agreed to the Christmas lunch first. What they’ve done is selfish and extremely rude. Is there a back story here with db or his gf? Does he get on with your dsf?

WhyAmISoCold · 09/12/2018 21:51

Family meal OP. That was your prior commitment. You don't bale for a 'better' offer. Your D sounds like a bit of a dick for doing it like this. Will teach them not to pull shit like this if everyone sticks to their original plans.

Frankswife87 · 09/12/2018 21:58

They have done this on purpose op, they knew fine well about the family bash and deliberately booked there party to be awkward. Ignore there threats and tantrums they will sharp learn that they can't get there own way.

Frankswife87 · 09/12/2018 22:00

Oh and I'd suggest rather than pussyfooting around them explain that you would love to come but as they well know that there is a prior arrangement with family Wink