My DSFs family have a Christmas meal out every year where they book a large area of a specific restaurant and they have food, drinks and Christmassy party games, catered to children and adults. It's cute, and very much a lovely family thing they do. I've never been able to go as I am usually working every year. This year I am on maternity leave, so it's my DD's first christmas and I would like to start doing family things around Christmas so DD will grow up having good memories (I know she's young to remember yet but I am excited for family time too) I don't see my dad's family as they live about an 8 hour train journey away (dad passed away when I was very young) and my mum's family are awful so we don't see them, but they are also far away anyway. DSF family chose a certain date for the meal, which is my DN birthday also. They asked my DB and his gf if this was ok or should they change it, DB and gf both said it was fine as they had no plans as such, so the family said they would do it as a joint birthday/Christmas meal. Made a special cake (he has allergies) bought banners and balloons etc etc so all was set. They paid the deposit to the restaurant and we were all looking forward to it.
Now my DB and his gf have turned around and said they have hired out a soft play area for DN's birthday for 2 hours, one hour playing, one hour in the dance room for food and cake. The same day as the meal, after telling the family that they had no plans so will be attending the meal.
They booked it for 12 til 2. Everyone is meeting at 1. The place the soft play party is, is the complete other end of the city, meaning it will take about 2 hours, with the traffic as it's Christmas and we have to get the bus.
I know it's his first birthday but all the people they are inviting have young babies who can't use the soft play to it's full potential, they don't have much for babies and toddlers so I see no point. Also why did they have to book it for that day AFTER agreeing to go to the meal. The meal now can't be changed as they are fully booked and DB and gf are refusing to do the party the day before or after "even if they could" those were the words they said.
So now I have to miss out on most of the Christmas meal, me and my DM asked of we could maybe just come for half the party and then go to the meal but DB didn't like this. I just feel like they have messed everyone around. They have a play area at the restaurant too, so the babies would have something to play on there.
AIBU to be annoyed here? Or am I supposed to be there for DN birthday no questions asked, no matter what plans we all had?