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AIBU?

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Original poster

My husband

30 replies

user1471454553 · 09/12/2018 19:03

I've never posted on here but lurk a lot. After a horrible evening with my husband with him grabbing my wrist to pull me along to walk faster and calling me horrid names in the street I need some advice. He's just pulled my whole world apart he thinks I'm useless and lazy but I'm not.
So he thinks I'm a sponger for claiming benefits. I claim DLA (since I was a child) and more recently universal credit.

I have two disabilities, one physical injury and one autoimmune so I get very tired. I have also recently injured myself so I cannot work but when I am better I will be able to but he thinks I'm pathetic for saying I will only be able to work part time which is what I think I will be able to do and he said he has no respect for me if I only work part time.

He also says I should never have children. I do get tired and have limitations but that is all I want in life and he has crushed this. I know I would be a great mother. He thinks people with disabilities should not be parents and also shouldn't claim benefits. I just don't know what to do. I want to leave but can't afford to and I feel that no one else would ever want me. Is he right in saying these things? Should I not hope to have children in my life?

OP posts:
Bombardier25966 · 09/12/2018 19:06

Surely he is a party to the Universal Credit claim, as you live together?

Shoxfordian · 09/12/2018 19:07

You need to leave him, he's not even nice to you. Don't have children with him

1ndig0 · 09/12/2018 19:08

I’m sorry to hear this OP. I would advise you to not have children with this man, that’s for sure. He will get worse after DC.
How hard did he pull your wrist? You know this is not ok, right?

RayRayBidet · 09/12/2018 19:08

Don't have kids with him, then you will never be rid of the prick

LEMtheoriginal · 09/12/2018 19:09

Fucking hell - get rid of him. He may be suggesting you are a drain on the state (you are NOT) but he is a drain on you. Vile disgusting excuse of a man.

You will fly without him.

WhyDontYouComeOnOver · 09/12/2018 19:10

I don't get Universal Credit with my disability benefits. They're two different things in some areas.

OP - call Women's Aid and get the hell out of there.

Original poster
user1471454553 · 09/12/2018 19:12

He doesn't want to have children with me, he is part of the claim but didn't help, he thinks it's my fault I have had to claim because of my injury. I want to have children but he thinks I should never have them. I don't understand. He's really upset me and won't leave me alone saying sorry and trying to cuddle me and if I asked for some space and he just told me to fuck off and stormed out.

OP posts:
Etino · 09/12/2018 19:14

Are you married?!

Bombardier25966 · 09/12/2018 19:14

If he's part of the claim he'll have been to the Jobcentre with you. Surely he's not that against claiming if he did that? Is he working full time?

placebobebo · 09/12/2018 19:16

Leave, he just wants a whipping boy. Someone to berate and belittle to make himself feel better.

Lifeisabeach09 · 09/12/2018 19:17

Your DH is a unsupportive, abusive prick!
He will bring you down psychologically. Ditch him.

Atalune · 09/12/2018 19:18

Why on earth are you with him?

And for the love of god please do not have children with him!

VisitorsEntrance · 09/12/2018 19:18

End it.
Op, you know this is what you want to do.
You know that you started this thread so we would tell you this.
You know what you have to do.

Avis7 · 09/12/2018 19:19

At least you found out your husband's feelings about the disabled before you had children with him. I had a child and an autoimmune disease and the world hasn't fallen apart. Don't have babies with a man who holds you in contempt. Being disabled is hard enough work without your supposed partner calling you lazy.

Grimbles · 09/12/2018 19:20

Are you married?!

To her husband Hmm

Oddsocksandmeatballs · 09/12/2018 19:25

There is only one person not fit to be a parent in your marriage and it's not you.

VladmirsPoutine · 09/12/2018 19:27

Divorce is the first port of call. Give yourself an early Xmas present.

WhatsUpHun · 09/12/2018 19:37

why are you with him?

Nanny0gg · 09/12/2018 19:38

You can hope to have children.

Just please, not with him.

Racecardriver · 09/12/2018 19:42

I don’t understand why he married you then if he so despises you. You have no future with him beyond what he is doing to you now. Surely it would be better to leave even if it meant you would be alone?

AnoukSpirit · 09/12/2018 19:42

He is abusing you.

Part of that abuse is making you believe nobody else would ever want you - because it means you'll feel too hopeless to leave and he can continue abusing you.

Women's Aid can help you: 0808 2000 247

The Freedom Programme www.freedomprogramme.co.uk can help you understand what he's doing and how untrue his hurtful comments are.

You don't have to live like this. You deserve better.

It is absolutely bad enough for you to ask for help.

He will only get worse. Men like this never change. He believes it's his right to put you down and hurt you.

If you can take up the help you need to get away from him life could be so much better. You could meet someone who respects you and wants to make you feel better about yourself. You could have a chance to fulfil your dreams.

That won't happen if you stay with him. Leaving is hard (I've been through it) but it is possible.

marvellousnightforamooncup · 09/12/2018 19:42

Everyone deserves to be loved, respected and cherished by their partner. Don't put up with anything less.

AntMoon · 09/12/2018 19:45

Oh I feel for you. Your partner should never make you feel like this. He's in the wrong. Big red flags there. But I think you know what you need to do.

Flowers
VictoryOrValhalla · 09/12/2018 19:46

Please do not have children with him. He is abusive. That is not a good husband or father.

You can have children with a decent man who will support you and your children.

Don’t waste any more time with this awful man. Get yourself away and safe.

Believeitornot · 09/12/2018 19:46

Well he doesn’t even want children, so leave him....

You deserve better.

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