To ask how you keep on top of it all?

[MissyCooper]

I feel overwhelmed and sad tonight. I know deep down that it’s because my period is due and that tends to give me the blues a bit but I’m feeling pretty shitty.

I have two young kids. 4 and 18 months. I work three days per week in a job that takes over my life (I am applying for other things but there’s not much out there just now).

Tonight my husband has taken the kids out so I can work/do housework/chill out so I’m sorting washing to put away while watching tv. And I’ve picked up a few pairs of white tights belonging to both girls and I’ve noticed they are a greying mess, or bobbly or whatever. How did I not notice that they needed replaced? When was I meant to do that?

So this seems to have triggered some kind of overwhelmed sadness like I’m a failure as a parent because they don’t have nice tights or because the older one needs her fringe cut or I can’t think what to make them for tea this week.

I know I’m not articulating this well. There’s just so much to do. So much to think about.

You're not on your own with this. DH is there as well. He can replace tights as well.

He would if I asked him to do so. It’s just that he’d never notice in a million years.

I know what you mean OP, I'm struggling as well and my period is due as well so that could also be why.

I got so stressed shopping today because I had no idea what to cook for dinner and everything seems to be getting on top of me.

I think it's very normal not to notice these things, I do it all the time. Try not to stress yourself over it

Firstly, bloody well done, everyone is warm and safe - that is absolutely the main thing.

Secondly, do you perhaps set high standards for yourself? 4 and 18 months is a challenging age gap in itself, is the tights an actual problem or is this because you generally feel overwhelmed?

Can you talk this through with your partner? If work is crap and you feel like home is on the skids your going to feel pressure sometimes it just helps to say it out loud and what could help.

Thirdly, just go and have a cuddle, you can eat beans on toast, wear tights a size too small - the bright spots in life are there.

It’s hard, is being mum

First, tights don’t matter. They’re perfect for playing in or nursery.

Clip her fringe back.

I highly recommend you look at the organised mum method (TOMM) on Facebook. It’s a housekeeping routine that’s got my total housework down to 30-45 mins a day and none at weekends.

Assign husband a day to take kids out so you can go through their drawers and have a clear out. I’ve used the kin Mari method to decliner the house and it’s far less overwhelming now we don’t have so much stuff.

It is hard keeping on top of everything and I don’t know any mum who does manage to keep on top of everything 100% . Don’t beat yourself up about it. Have you tried writing lists thou ? I always have a list in my handbag find it works better than on a phone . I add anything and everything to it !

I’m with you. I don’t keep on top of it all. Two small children is very hard and I’m not even back at work yet. Allow yourself a bit of a wallow if you need, but don’t be too hard on yourself either, there are worse things than grey bobbly tights. I’m sure your girls are happy and loved and that is all that actually matters.

I hear ya. Mine are a similar age to yours and it's so so hard.

But manage your expectations - you won't see every bobbly pair of tights and your kids won't care anyway. You can't be perfect, have more realistic expectations and be kind to yourself

Think of it like this -

"How did I not notice that they needed replaced? When was I meant to do that?"

You noticed tonight, because it is the only chance you have had.

Then I would think I am lucky they have clean clothes & a mum who makes sure they are clean, fed & clothed. Think how lucky you are that you can buy some new ones.

Dont be hard on yourself. Try & think of the positives.

I say that as someone who has nearly cried tonight, because my house is an absolute tip. I really am fed up.

They seem happy. They are very much loved and have every need met. But I feel like DH and I are more uptight than I want us to me. More impatient. The four year old is amazing but she’s a dreadful faff and I find that very hard (I try very very hard not to keep on at her but it takes soooo long to leave the house because she doesn’t cooperate)x Unfortunately she gets that from my husband who is just as bad...🙄

Sorry this is just a rant. My husband often tells me he thinks I put too much pressure on myself but I feel like everyone else has a tidier house or cooks better meals etc without even trying

I thought I was a patient person until I had kids. I struggle with it especially when they're misbehaving. Before kids I didn't have this problem, ever!

It’s really hard. And then I worry that I’ll damage her by constantly rushing her on...

Don’t have such high standards.

I work full time and so does hubby. We’ve got a 5 and 3 year old and our 14 year old SD has recently moved in.

I keep the place tidy and pits washed and keep on top of the washing and ironing and the hoovering (dog and cat) other than that we muddle along and what gets done gets done. That’s it.

I do all food shopping online, have a back up of fish fingers and waffles always in the freezer so we can always be fed.

Other than that I do what I can and I don’t stress.

I feel like everyone else has a tidier house or cooks better meals without even trying

I can promise you that I really don't, and I've only got one child! My 4 year old attracts dirt, I don't know how she does it. She goes into nursery (relatively) neat, and comes home looking like she's been dragged through a hedge backwards. I'm sorry you're feeling overwhelmed at the moment. In my opinion, does it really matter if the tights are grey or bobbled? They bobble and change colour because the girls are wearing them and having a good old play - I'd worry more if everything stayed pristine!

Modern life IS overwhelming. There’s so much to keep up with, work, having a lovely house, planning and booking activities, cooking good nutritious meals that everyone will ear( with a couple of fod allergies thrown in usually) keepingfit, looking good, home admin, recycling, keeping the garden ok, pets to the vet,shopping in, kids school stuff( needs a whole seoerate notice board).
And that’s just some of it!
You are not a failure op, we have created a crazy world to live in.

I feel like everyone else has a tidier house or cooks better meals without even tryin

That's because they quickly tidy the mess before you come round

I have 2 kids same age and a demanding job 3 days a week. I took them to get photos done a while back and could only find age 6-12m tights for little one and then ones with the feet mucky for the 4yo (washed but stained). That was for professional photo's!!!! I definitely struggle to keep on top of things but have pretty low standards for myself. Be kind to yourself, you 2 kids at challenging ages! The only way i keep on top of things like outgrown clothes is by using a day of annual leave (which I hate doing!) To do bigger jobs which I don't have time for.

I could have written the exact same post last month, though instead of tights I had forgotten to wash the school uniform. No real advice, just some solidarity that sometimes it is all really, really hard and hormones can make everything seem far worse. I too have a faffy 4 year old which is trying on the best of days!

Following for tips, mine are the same age, I work part time and I feel run ragged! My Mum looked at me the other day and said looked washed out. There's just never any time for me, little jobs like buying tights become an epic mission when you have to get two little ones sorted too.

That’s exactly it. I haven’t had my hair cut since May! Because we never have enough money left at the end of the month and I can’t justify it. Or I just don’t get to it.

I’ve been running to try and lose some weight but then I feel bad for not working so it invariably gets put off. Just bottom of the list all the time. But then that’s probably my own doing as well.

And yet I know I’m lucky really because they are the best things that ever happened to me. But I’m so exhausted and there’s never enough time.

Like today I was bemoaning the fact that our Christmas tree looks shite to DH. It does. Neither of us are good at practical stuff like that. DD1 came down and said “oh it’s the most beautiful tree I’ve ever seen”. I mean she’s just fabulous.

I feel like this too sometimes. And I put it down to social media; seeing my friends looking glam on a night out or a day with their family in a tidy home or out looking lovely, and there's me wearing rushing around trying my best.

We all get overwhelmed, think of it this way, it's good you care enough to want to get it all done but don't let it get you down.

Missy I read your post and had to double check I hadn't written it myself! I also have two little ones whose clothes aren't always in top notch condition, a DH who is brilliant but doesn't always pick up on certain things, and my house is always in a state of 'well tried, could've done better' ..... however, having spent some time with other Mums (the kind that have immaculate houses and beautifully turned out children) I've realised that everyone is struggling. Some just don't let on. You are doing fine. We're all in it together!

There really isn't enough time in the day to do it all without help. Unless you have family nearby who can help out, or have the money to put them in nursery for a day or two then it's too much. Despite working part time I struggle to use the days I'm off to clean as they want to see me and cause more destruction if you leave them to entertain themselves. Try and make some time for yourself without feeling guilty

Compartmentalise. Worry about work when at work, when you're at home, worry about home stuff. Don't let the two worlds interrupt.

And don't forget, it's not the end of the world if your kid wears odd socks : if your kid isn't being fed then you have a problem!